


Loyalties Lie (SPN/TWD Crossover) 18+ - Dark Fic

by neganslucilletblr



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural/The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead
Genre: Angst, Coercion, Cuckolding, Dark fic, Dark!Dean, F/M, Fluff, Gore, Grief, Heavy Angst, Manipulation, Miscarriage, Murder, Negan Being Negan, Sex, Smut, Talk of Suicide, Threesomes, Violence, dean is a dick sometimes, dub con, fluffy sam, illusion of consent, suicidal tones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neganslucilletblr/pseuds/neganslucilletblr
Summary: Dean, Y/N and Sam are doing all they can to survive in the apocalypse when they stubble across the Saviors. Negan’s striking resemblance to their father, John, has Sam weary and Dean eager to please. But Negan is leading Dean down a dark path despite Y/N and Sam’s attempts to keep him away. As things take a turn for the worst, everyone is left to question where their loyalties lie.A TWD/SPN crossover set in The Walking Dead Universe
Relationships: Dean x You, Negan X You, Sam x You, dean x reader - Relationship, negan x reader, sam x reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 28





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, talk of death, that’s about it
> 
> Chapter WC: 1079

“I’m just saying guys, it’s been four days and I’m exhausted.” You were surprised your legs were still carrying you as you trudged through the leaves, twigs and branches snapping beneath your boots. Your whole body felt like a lead weight, being dragged by sheer willpower to keep moving. 

“It’s not safe here.” You turned your head and glared at the hazel-eyed man - not that it was his fault as such, but you hated the truth in his statement. 

“Sam’s right, sweetheart, just a little longer, I think I see a break in the trees.” Your boyfriend’s arm slid across your shoulders as he pulled you into him. You rested your head on his shoulder and sighed. 

“Fine,” you agreed. A soft, warm kiss was placed on your forehead and you closed your eyes, letting him guide you for a moment. 

“Incoming,” Sam announced. “Dean, take left."

Dean was quick to move away from you, pulling the knife from his belt as he and Sam parted away from you and enclosed the oncoming danger. Normally you’d be right there with them, but with the very little food you’d eaten and the twenty minutes of sleep you’d had in forty-eight hours, you were in desperate need of a recharge. You’d been lost in this particular forest for four days straight, having been steered off the road you were following by a herd. It was barely ever safe to rest anymore, but particularly in the middle of a woods with no tents or any kind of shelter or protection from threats. So you’d each taken turns to be on night watch. But even with someone on the lookout, sleep hadn’t come easy. Food rations were depleting by the hour and the only deer you’d encountered on your journey had dodged Sam’s bullet. None of you were at your best and it was starting to show. No matter what direction you took you only seemed to end up deeper until finally, you’d decided to walk in one direction and not stop. You’d have to find a way out eventually. 

The boys were quick to kill the oncoming walkers and soon returned to your side to continue your journey to the opening that Dean could apparently see. In the few years since the world had gone to shit as Dean always put it, you had fallen into a comfortable stride with your boyfriend and his brother until things had become natural; the new normal. At the start, when there were four of you, it had been different. You had always gotten on well with Sam and Jess, the four of you often going on camping trips, doing  _ survival weekends  _ together for fun. The reality of surviving now was far different. At least before you knew you’d be going back to your own home; your creature comforts. Now, that was all gone. You found it crazy thinking about how your hobby had turned into your nightmare. 

All the map reading, hunting tips and tricks and survival lessons you’d learned over time had actually come in far less handy than you’d assumed. There was no preparation for the reality of this new world that you could’ve done. The reality of it really hit you when Jess was bitten and died less than three days later. Watching her turn from human to zombie and the way Sam crumbled at the realisation he’d lost her still haunted you. The gunshot sounding out behind you and Sam as Dean put her to total rest still echoed around your mind sometimes. Losing Jess changed you all. 

The opening was merely a clearing but it was enough for you to settle for a few hours and rest, finding a stream a little down the banking to wash yourselves and refill your canteens. Dean was leaning back against a tree when you slid down to the ground and rested against him, exhausted.

“I’ll take watch, you two try and get some sleep,” Sam offered as he gathered firewood into the middle of the clearing. You were too tired to argue that it was technically Dean’s turn and apparently so was he as he wrapped his arms around you tighter and you both drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

-

Bright lights woke you a few hours later as you squinted your eyes open. It had been a while since you’d seen a light that bright, thanks to the cover of the forest, and Dean was quick to rise to his feet and stand in front of you. Once your eyes had adjusted you looked past Dean’s legs to see the lights were coming from torches, a group of ten or so men stood before you. Sam and Dean were on high alert, both of them with their hands on their weapons ready for attack. Unfortunately, in this world, zombies weren’t the only monsters. Apparently apocalypses could bring out the worst in people and you’d figured that out for yourselves overtime, deciding it was better to stick together just the three of you. You trusted each other, this was where your loyalties lay. It was safe. 

“You folks look lost.” The voice cut through the eerie silence. “We’ve got food and we’ve got beds,” he offered. 

“No thanks,” Dean replied instantly. 

“Really? You’d rather die out here?” the guy replied. All you could tell was that the guy had a moustache; Dean was too in the way for you to make out much else. Neither Dean or Sam replied. “You could either come with us willingly, or we can take you. Either way, there’s a truck on the edge of the forest waiting for you.” 

“We’re not going anywhere with you,” Sam scoffed. 

“Simon, Simon,” another man spoke up. “That’s not how you fucking recruit, shit,” he laughed. Dean stepped to the side to hide you from the man that was coming into view. “I apologise for him.” 

There was an eerie silence again as Sam and Dean looked between each other several times. 

“You boys o-fucking-kay there?” the deep southern drawl laughed. “Shit where the fuck are my manners? Let me introduce myself.” You could hear the crunching of leaves as he stepped closer to the three of you and he finally stood between Sam and Dean in full view of you, his hazel eyes boring down straight at you, a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire placed on his shoulder as a shit-eating grin spread through his salt and pepper beard. “Hi, I’m Negan.”


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, not really much else
> 
> Chapter WC: 3197

**_Dean’s POV_ **

Dean noticed the way  _ Negan  _ was looking at Y/N and only stepped in front of her more, feeling incredibly protective of her as his eyes trained on the weapon that the man had balanced on his shoulder. The older man’s hazel eyes dragged themselves away from her and back to the brothers. Dean glanced towards Sam once more, surely he wasn’t the only one who could see it? The guy before them was a little slimmer than John, a little older with facial hair, but the similarities were still uncanny. The look on Sam’s face as he swallowed hard told Dean he wasn’t crazy. But John was dead, had been for years. This was clearly just some coincidence. 

“This is the fuckin’ part where you tell me your names.” The man in front of them broke out into an even wider grin as he stared the brothers down again. “C’mon, don’t be fuckin’ shy,” he pressed, “how am I supposed to trust you enough to come back to the Sanctuary with us if I don’t even know your names? We’ll start with you little darling,” Negan smirked as his eyes lowered to Y/N again. 

“How are we meant to trust you enough to go with you?” Sam grunted out, drawing Negan’s attention away from Dean’s girlfriend. 

“You sure as fucking shit don’t,” he laughed in return, “but hey, we save people, that’s what we fuckin’ do around here and you sure as shit look like you need saving.” His tongue came out to swipe along his bottom lip as he scoffed. “Alright, here’s what we’re gonna fuckin’ do!” He announced, bringing the bat down and swinging it in front of him playfully as he thrust his hips forward, “we’re gonna get in the fucking truck, you can get some food and some sleep and we’ll ask all the fuckin’ questions in the morning, how does that sound?” Dean glanced at Sam again, judging his reaction. Food and sleep did sound like a great idea, but they knew they couldn’t trust this man. Dean felt Y/N grip the back of his calf. “Your little girlfriend isn’t going to last much longer out here, she’s starving, you all are,” Negan added as if to tempt them. 

Dean knew Negan was right. They were running dangerously low on energy and they hadn’t come across a safe place in weeks, way before they entered the forest. They’d always sworn no communities, but maybe it was time to bite the bullet on that one, at least until they were rested and fed enough to head back out alone. Most places didn’t take in strangers quite so willingly as this. 

“One night,” Dean agreed. A shit-eating grin spread between Negan’s beard as he chuckled. 

“Simon, show our guests the way to the truck,” he smirked. Sam swallowed hard and puffed out his chest as he gathered his rucksack and slung it onto his back. Dean turned around and carefully helped Y/N to her feet but he could tell she was too weak to walk alone. He wrapped an arm carefully around her waist and supported her weight as they started to follow the group through the trees. 

Dean noticed the way Y/N’s eyes stayed trained on Negan’s weapon of choice as he strutted ahead of them. 

“We’re gonna be okay, a bit of rest, something to eat and we’ll be good as new,” he reassured her. Sam had an unimpressed look on his face, telling Dean he wasn’t happy that he’d agreed to this, but something told Dean he could trust Negan. Maybe it was his likeness to John, maybe it was just the thought of eating and sleeping, but for whatever reason, he wanted to believe this was the right thing to do. He hoped for their sake it was. 

-

The three of them were riding in the back of a truck, the man who Dean had figured out was called Simon was driving, Negan in the passenger side as he whistled, his arm slung out the window. It was getting dark, but the air was still sticky and warm and the gentle breeze coming in from Negan’s open window was welcoming. Negan’s whistling was the only sound to be heard and it took Dean back to days in the back of his father’s Impala with Sammy as they drove home from school. Negan glanced back over his shoulder, his eyes once more landing on Y/N as he smirked a little. She’d barely taken her eyes off of his bat. 

“You’re not fuckin’ scared of my girl are you?” he asked, picking up the bat as he admired it for a moment. “She gets a little dirty sometimes, I’ll give you that, but Lucille don’t hurt no one who don’t deserve it,” he told her with a sly smirk. Dean wanted to scoff at the way Negan spoke about a bat like it was human, even giving it a name but kept quiet. Negan ran his tongue along his bottom lip again and watched Y/N squirm for a moment. He chuckled to himself before turning back around to face front and Dean squeezed her hand, silently reassuring her they were going to be okay. 

A few moments later they pulled up to gates and the truck waited for a minute for them to open before driving inside. The building was some kind of old factory, people bustling back and forth between places and once the truck stopped, Negan grabbed his bat and jumped out. Dean had never seen a community before and was a little shocked to see just how many people they had there. Negan confidently strutted towards the building, people practically falling to their knees as he passed them and Dean didn’t miss Sam’s eye roll at the situation. 

“This guy thinks he’s fucking God,” he muttered before they climbed out of the truck. Dean helped Y/N down gently and wrapped an arm around her againou to help her walk. 

Simon led the way into the building and the smell of soup and bread instantly filled Dean’s nose and made his stomach grumble painfully. Dean figured Simon must’ve been pretty high up the chain from the way he carried himself, clicking his fingers at random people until they were bringing over bowls of soup and freshly baked baguettes. Dean glanced around the food hall but Negan was no longer anywhere to be seen. 

“Sit and eat,” Simon ordered. The three of them took a bowl each and a spoon, Sam also grabbing the plate of bread as they made their way to some empty seats at the table and sat down. All eyes seemed to be on them but Dean didn’t care. He was wolfing down the watery soup in seconds. It was the best thing he’d ever tasted and the bread was even better when he finally tore a piece off to shovel into his mouth. Sam and Y/N didn’t let theirs cool for too long either and even though the thought of the food being poisoned had crossed Dean’s mind, his willpower to resist had been dampened by the crippling hunger pains in his stomach. 

To their surprise they were invited to have seconds and even thirds until they were so full they couldn’t bear the thought of eating. No doubts their stomachs had shrunk and their bodies weren’t going to be used to quite so much food, but they were grateful nevertheless. Dean knew this place couldn’t have been so bad. Negan must’ve been a really great guy to allow them into his community, to feed them as well as he had when he didn’t even know them. Once they were finally finished and Y/N even seemed in slightly higher spirits, Simon led them out of the building and over to another building across the compound. The moon was high now, telling Dean it was probably past midnight. They walked empty halls until they came to a door that Simon swung open to reveal a small room complete with two camping beds set up with pillows and blankets. He walked to the next room and revealed the same setup. 

“Negan will want to see you first thing,” he told you, “I’ll come and get you to take you to the bathroom where you can shower and then we’ll go to breakfast.” No one responded to him. Dean wanted to say thank you but he was a proud guy and he still wasn’t sure this was as good as it seemed. There had to be some kind of catch. Simon looked between the three of them for a moment. “You’re fucking welcome,” he muttered, turning around and heading down the hall before turning a corner. Dean looked to Sam and drew a breath. 

“You two sleep,” Sam nodded towards their room. 

“You’re not going to?” Dean checked. 

“Dean, someone needs to be on guard, who knows what they could do to us in our sleep,” Sam reasoned. 

“They fed us, I think they’re just nice people. What did they say? They saved people? Not everyone in this new world is a monster, Sam,” Dean argued. 

“Okay,” Sam nodded, “you two sleep,” he reiterated. Dean sighed, knowing Sam was going to do what he wanted, whether Dean agreed or not. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he told Y/N softly. “Night,” he muttered to Sam.

“Night guys,” Sam replied, watching them step into the room and close the door behind them. 

Dean helped Y/N sit down on the bed. 

“Are you okay, baby?” he checked, holding her tired and dirty face in his hands. 

“Yeah, just need rest,” she replied softly, smiling gently at him. 

“Okay, sweetheart,” he agreed. He helped her lie down, pulling her boots off and helped her under the thin sheet. 

“De?” she whispered, grabbing his hand. “Stay with me, won’t you?” she asked. 

“Of course, baby,” he smiled warmly, toeing off his own boots as he climbed onto the bed next to her and pulled her in closer to him, her whole body curling against his perfectly. “Get some sleep,” he soothed, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. She fell asleep almost instantly in his arms, but Dean was left awake wondering if Sam was right or whether he could trust his gut on this one. Could Negan be trusted?

-

Dean hadn’t really slept, he’d spent most of the night watching the way Y/N’s face twisted and changed as she dreamed, whilst he thought about if he could trust Negan or not. What they had set up here was pretty great, they clearly had access to a lot of food and although a dark, cold, box room with a camp bed in the corner never used to be considered luxury, now, to Dean, it felt like 5-star accommodation. He didn’t want to just walk away from this or throw away an opportunity at a home. For the longest time, they’d walked the length of the country, swearing they’d never settle, but this had to end eventually. They couldn’t do this for the rest of their lives. And it was safe here with borders and guards, they had a whole life, a whole community. Maybe they could actually settle down, start a family if they felt safe enough. 

Dean could see a whole future here. Sam might meet someone new, someone good for him and settle down too. They could find jobs to keep busy. Before the world went to shit Dean was a mechanic and as the community had trucks, maybe he could come in handy. Sam’s previous profession was hardly useful in this world, no one needs lawyers anymore given that there are really no laws, but that man could argue for America so Dean figured Negan might find him useful for settling disagreements, not to mention that when he’s fully rested and on top form, he’s a great hunter. Y/N too, although the last few days she’d seemed anything but. Usually, she could fight her own battles and Dean had never had to worry about her but recently the lack of food and sleep had gotten to her more than it had the brothers. 

When a fist rattled the steel door to their room, Y/N disturbed in his arms and instantly sat up, her fight or flight instinct kicking in. 

“It’s okay baby,” Dean soothed, sitting up too. “You’re safe, we’re safe,” he reassured her. She looked at him and let out a breath, resting her forehead on his shoulder. 

“Rise and shine!” Simon’s voice bled through the door and Dean got off the bed, rubbing a hand down his face to wake himself up a little more before he opened the door. He was greeted with Simon’s long face, his moustache turned up in the corner from his smug grin. “Shower time, you guys need it.” Dean glanced past Simon to see Sam stood there, looking just as worse for wear as the night before, clearly he’d not been able to sleep at all, too paranoid to let his guard down. 

Y/N was far less fragile and was able to walk through the compound unaided as Simon showed them to the shower which was really just a room with a singular hose hanging from the ceiling that let out cold water. There seemed to be a time limit per person, someone controlling the hose from outside and someone else was sitting at the door, taking names as people queued for the privilege. Simon spoke to the man admitting people and pointed in their direction. The man nodded and Simon reapproached you. 

“You’re next,” he smirked, his eyes landing on Y/N as he bit down on his bottom lip. Dean wrapped an arm around her possessively and pulled her closer. 

“We’ll shower together,” he informed Simon sharply. Simon’s eyes moved to Dean’s face and he smirked. 

“No funny business, you only get two minutes.” Simon handed them some kind of old towel and Dean took it carefully. 

Dean led Y/N into the dark, damp room as the curtain was pulled across to give them privacy and they both started to strip their dirty, blood-stained clothes. Once they were both completely naked they stood until the flow of icy water and Y/N hugged against Dean’s body to keep warm, shuddering as she got wet. Dean reached up and scrubbed at the dirt on her face with his thumb until it was gone and they made quick work of trying to clean their entire bodies without any kind of soap. The water was cut off and Y/N hugged herself, shivering as Dean grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her, rubbing her arms through the scratchy material to warm her through a little.

“Two minutes before I send your friend in,” Simon announced through the curtain and Dean glanced to it before back at Y/N, reaching down to grab some spare clothes from her bag that weren’t in any better condition than the ones they’d already been wearing. 

She gave him the towel as she started to dress and Dean quickly dried himself off and pulled his own clothes on, running the towel through Y/N’s hair to help her dry it a little. 

“Feeling better?” he asked her softly. She looked up at him with a tiny smile and nodded. 

“Much,” she confirmed. Dean smiled at the confirmation and leaned down to kiss her softly before the curtain was pulled back. Dean and Y/N left the room quickly, passed by Sam and they waited outside for Sam to have his own shower. 

Once everyone had been cleaned Simon once again led them through the compound to the food hall, where this time they were handed bowls of porridge and an apple each. Dean couldn’t believe they were getting fed yet again, the soup and bread from the night before were still sitting heavy in his stomach and he’d been fully prepared for it to have to last him a few days. He wasn’t even sure he was hungry but he didn’t want to waste food or the opportunity to eat so as soon as they sat down again, Dean wolfed the entire bowl down before starting to munch on his apple. He noticed Sam wasn’t so eager and shovelled the piece of apple in his mouth into one cheek. 

“You okay, Sammy?” he checked, noticing the way Sam’s long hair dripped with water from his shower still. 

“This all seems too good to be true, I don’t trust it,” Sam grunted. Y/N sighed next to Dean. 

“I think it’s nice here,” she commented. 

“Me too,” Dean agreed, biting into more of his apple. Sam looked between the two of them and sighed. 

“Are you two forgetting that that Simon guy threatened to bring us here, whether we wanted to go or not?” he asked. 

“Yeah that Simon is a bit of a twat but Negan seems nice,” Dean shrugged. 

“Dean, he’s not Dad.” 

“What?” Dean scoffed, “I never said he was.” 

“He looks a bit like him, sure, but that doesn’t mean we should trust him.” 

Y/N remained quiet as the brothers bickered between themselves.

“And just because he looks like Dad doesn’t mean you have to have your guard up about him,” Dean retorted. 

“I have my guard up, Dean, because I don’t know what the deal is yet, I’m just saying don’t get too comfortable.” 

“He said they save people, right? They must be good guys,” Y/N finally offered. Dean looked at her and smiled slightly. 

“They didn’t have to put us up in beds or feed us…  _ twice.  _ They didn’t have to let us shower,” Dean pointed out. Sam huffed and dropped his spoon into his bowl. 

“The guy has everyone kneeling to him, seems a bit…  _ culty  _ to me,” Sam shuddered. Dean laughed and shook his head. 

“I say we give this place a chance. If we don’t like it, we can leave.” Sam looked between the two of them again and drew a deep breath. Dean could see Sam wasn’t happy about it and glanced at Y/N. He wanted this place to work for her sake, but Sam was right, it was a little _culty._ And he couldn’t guarantee they’d be safe there. “Okay, fine. We’ll leave,” Dean agreed reluctantly. 

  
  


After breakfast Simon returned to lead them to yet another part of the compound, telling them Negan wanted to speak with them. They were taken to an office, Negan sat at the head of a long empty table, leaning back in his chair as he polished his bat. 

“Here you go, Sir,” Simon spoke up as they all entered the room. 

“Thank you, Simon, you can go,” Negan drawled, his hazel eyes scanning the three of them as he continued to work the wax into his weapon. His tongue came out to slowly lick along his bottom lip. “Take a fuckin’ seat,” he instructed, nodding to the empty table. Dean was first to oblige, taking the seat closest as Y/N sat the other side of him. Sam was the last to obey, sitting the furthest away. Negan put his bat down and sat forward, linking his fingers together. “You are fed, you are fuckin’ rested and you are clean,” he began with a smirk, “so do I get the fuckin’ honour of knowing your names now?”


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, miscarriage, grief 
> 
> Chapter WC: 2531
> 
> A/Ns: Please make sure you read the above tags, this is a heavy chapter that touches upon a sensitive subject I’ve not written about before and I don’t want to upset anyone as I know how heartbreaking this can be. <3

**_Your POV_ **

You looked between Sam and Dean, too nervous to speak for yourself and you noticed how the brothers shared a look before Dean spoke up. 

“My name is Dean Winchester, this is my brother, Sam, and my girlfriend, Y/N,” Dean explained. Negan’s eyes once again fell on you as a small smirk played on his lips. You hated the way he looked at you; like he was trying to undress you with his eyes. It made nausea swim around your stomach and press at the base of your throat, the porridge you had for breakfast threatening to make a reappearance. Negan chuckled, looking between the three of you. 

“There, that wasn’t so fucking hard, was it?” he smirked, throwing the polishing rag down onto the table in front of him. “So it’s just the three of you?” he pressed curiously. Dean nodded silently. “No fuckin’ community or anything waiting on you?” 

Dean shook his head. “We prefer being on our own, it’s safer that way,” he explained. 

Negan didn’t reply for a long moment as he picked up the rag again and continued to polish his bat. 

“That’s a long fucking time to survive just the three of you,” he commented casually. “You’re either really fuckin’ good at it or really fuckin’ lucky.” A shit-eating grin spread over his mouth and a low rumbled chuckle rattled around his chest. 

“Like to think it’s a bit of both,” Sam spoke up, unfazed by the malicious tone in Negan’s voice. Did he always talk like that? It put you on edge. His hazel eyes focused completely on his bat as he worked on cleaning the individual spikes of barbed wire. “So tell me what you did before this fuckin’ world went to shit.” His eyes flickered to you as if to elicit a response. Dean cleared his throat. 

“I was a mechanic,” he answered slowly. “Sam was a lawyer.” 

Negan’s interest piqued at that as he sat forward, dropping his bat to the tabletop and making you jump. Dean reached out under the table and grabbed your thigh reassuringly, giving it a light squeeze. 

“Well fuck me,” he laughed, looking right at Sam. “A fucking lawyer, hey?” he sounded impressed as he clicked his tongue and sucked on his teeth for a second. “Fuckin’ fancy,” he smirked, his eyes suddenly on you. “And what about you, little darling? Don’t tell me your boyfriend made you work?” He ran his tongue along his bottom lip and waited for your reply. 

“I was a-” you stopped and cleared your throat, noticing how weak your voice sounded. “I was a receptionist,” you blushed. Incidentally, you had worked in the same law-firm as Sam, answering the phones and taking appointments. It was how you’d met Dean in the first place. Whenever he’d come in looking for Sam he’d spend a good ten minutes flirting with you before making his way to Sam’s office. On occasion, he’d had to wait for Sam to finish a call or leave a meeting and it was the perfect excuse for him to chat to you for longer, until eventually one day he’d come in, not looking for Sam at all but to ask you out on a date. You’d been together ever since. 

“One of those fuckin’ pretty ones, am I right? The ones to keep the waiting customers occupied?” He flashed you a wink, making you blush as you looked down to your lap.

“We just wanted to say thank you for the hospitality,” Dean spoke up, changing the subject. You let out a breath of relief as Negan’s attention left you and landed on Dean again. He sat back further in his chair and clicked his tongue. 

“Like I fuckin’ told you, we’re The Saviours, it’s what we fuckin’ do around here,” he explained. “You three sure as shit weren’t making it overnight without us.” 

“Well thanks again,” Dean nodded politely. “We are going to get out of your way now.” 

“Whoa, whoa whoa,” Negan called before any of you could move. “Hold your fuckin’ horses.” He sat forward again and his bat bounced along the wooden table from the strength he’d placed it down with. “Go fuckin’ where? Back out there? To fuckin’ die?” he scoffed. “Wouldn’t you rather stay here, where you have beds and food and fucking protection?” 

Dean glanced at the two of you, almost like he was checking Sam hadn’t changed his mind. You weren’t too happy with the idea of staying either. It was nice here, but Negan made you uncomfortable. 

“No, thank you. Like I said, we feel safer just the three of us,” Dean explained calmly. Negan continued to look between you all. Your head was starting to feel light and you were fairly sure it was the amount of food you’d consumed in such a short space of time after barely eating for weeks. 

“You’re throwing away a great fuckin’ opportunity here,” Negan told the three of you, like he was baffled you would turn him down. “I don’t fuckin’ ask for much in return.” Sam scoffed and it drew Negan’s attention. 

“I’ve seen the way they kneel for you like you’re some God or something,” he spoke up. 

“Kid, it’s called fuckin’ respect. I saved them, they are fuckin’ grateful for that.” Negan huffed, clearly annoyed that you weren’t falling at his feet yourselves and thanking him for such an  _ amazing opportunity,  _ but the fact he was reluctant to let you go only made you want to leave more. 

“We have a fuckin’ doctor here, medical supplies, plenty of fuckin’ food. You’d have your own rooms. We have running water, showers, toilets, what fuckin’ more could you want? And you wanna fuckin’ walk away from that? You three are more fucking stupid than you look,” he laughed. 

“And just like that? Out of the kindness of your heart, you give all that to these people you  _ save  _ for free?” Sam asked sceptically. Negan smirked.    
“Alright, you fuckin’ got me, so it’s not free. But this community is fair. It runs on a points system. You work, earn points and those points are spent however you want to spend them. Stops the greedy fuckers taking too much.” You couldn’t deny Negan had a fair point regarding the fairness of his system. People couldn’t get away with doing nothing here, they had to work for the good stuff and they couldn’t take too much. It seemed sensible in theory, but something about this entire community didn’t sit right with you. 

“Thank you for the opportunity and thank you for the hospitality, but I think we’re better off going our own way,” Dean told Negan stubbornly. You were happy to hear Dean standing his ground, doing what was best for the three of you. The nausea wasn’t settling though and you assumed it wouldn’t until you were out of the gates, definitely free from Negan and his predatory stare. Your head felt light and fuzzy like you’d been drugged and your mind thought back to all the food you’d willingly eaten. What if he’d poisoned you to keep you here? You looked at Sam and then Dean to see if they were also feeling strange, but neither of them seemed any worse off than normal. You felt Dean take your hand and realised you were leaving. As soon as you rose to your feet a sharp shooting pain flashed across your stomach like someone had stuck a knife in and was twisting it deep. Clutching your stomach you doubled over, screaming out in pain. 

“Baby? Y/N are you okay?” Dean asked immediately. Sam was also by your side. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Sam asked quickly. The pain was worse than anything you’d ever known and your knees buckled, unable to keep you standing. The last thing you remembered was Dean calling your name as your vision went black. 

-

Blinking your eyes open, you realised you were no longer in that room with Negan but laying down on some sort of bed. You instantly tried to sit up, looking for Dean or Sam, feeling unsafe. 

“Hey, hey hey,” Sam hushed you, “It’s okay.” His large hand gripped the top of your arm to soothe you. You turned your head to look at him and noticed Dean stood looking out of the window. As soon as he heard Sam speak up he’d turned around and saw you, tears streaming down his face as he rushed to your side. Sam stepped back, giving you both room. You realised sitting up was extremely painful and you were incredibly weak, so you crashed back against the lumpy pillow and drew a shaky breath. 

“Where am I?” you croaked out, “what happened?” Your head was still fuzzy and your eyelids felt heavy, but you fought to keep them open as you waited to hear what was going on. Dean gripped your hand tightly, choking on a sob as fresh tears came to his eyes and you frowned. 

“You’re okay,” he sighed, relieved, reaching up and stroking the hair out of your face. You had never seen Dean this upset before. 

“Dean, what’s going on? What happened?” you asked again desperately. His green eyes, overflowing with tears, looked into yours and he swallowed hard. 

“You collapsed so-” Dean choked, “so Negan got the doctor and… he did some tests and said that you…” Dean dropped his head between his shoulders, squeezing your hand harder.

“I what, Dean?” you pressed impatiently. You were worried, scared for your own life and the amount Dean was upset concerned you more than anything. You were drowsy, struggling to fight the sleep that wanted to take you. 

“The baby is gone,” he sniffled after composing himself for a moment. 

“Baby? What baby?” you frowned, now totally confused. 

“You are…  _ were  _ pregnant, Y/N,” Dean explained. 

“What?” 

You tried to think if it was even possible as you watched Sam slip out of the room. You and Dean hadn’t exactly been able to use protection for well over a year, but you did try to be careful. It wasn’t like you could just stop having sex for the rest of your lives. You’d not had sex in at least a week when you entered the forest, so it had to have been well over a month ago and your periods had been all over the place since this all started thanks to the stress and irregular eating and resting habits you’d grown accustomed to, so that wasn’t really any indication either. But it did make sense why the lack of food and rest had affected you so much more the last several weeks. The random nausea and the dizzy spells you’d all blamed on your situation. Your head was spinning as you tried to come to terms with the fact that not only had you been pregnant but you were no longer pregnant anymore. The baby was gone. Despite knowing this was a relief, the idea of having a baby in this world seemed insane, you still felt the tears fill your eyes as an incredibly dark and heavy sense of loss filled your heart. 

Dean held you tightly, kissing your hairline and stroking your back as you both cried together, mourning the loss of your child. And you continued to cry into his chest until you had fallen asleep again. 

-

When you woke up it took a moment for you to remember everything; that you were in a hospital bed, that you had had a miscarriage. You turned your head and immediately searched the room for Dean but once again, Sam was the one sat at your side, except this time Dean wasn’t standing at the window; he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Sam asked softly, a small frown etched into his brow. You realised as you struggled to sit up a little that your fuzzy head had subsided and you no longer felt as drowsy as you had. Your eyes were sore from the crying and your stomach was still cramping painfully. 

“Better,” you whispered. At least, it hadn’t been a lie as far as you were concerned  _ physically.  _ “Where’s Dean?” you asked him immediately. Sam drew a deep breath and swallowed hard.

“He needs time alone, Y/N,” he told you softly. 

You didn’t understand how he could possibly want to grieve without you, not when all you wanted right then was to be in his arms and let him hold you and tell you it was going to be okay. But maybe that was the problem. Dean was always the one that had to be brave, the one to tell you that it would get better and try to put a smile on your face. Maybe he couldn’t be that person for you right now. 

“Of course,” you agreed, giving Sam a weak smile.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” Sam squeezed your hand and you squeezed back. 

“It’s for the best,” you told Sam sensibly. “A baby in this world? Out there? No way. Sure, once I wanted to get married and have kids with Dean but I let those dreams die with our old lives.” Sam gave you a sad smile. “No, this happened for a reason, it was meant to be.” You were convincing yourself more than anything, trying to find the positives in an extremely shitty situation. Sam raised off his chair slightly and leaned forward, kissing your forehead softly. 

The door opened and you hoped with everything in you it was Dean, but some guy you didn’t know walked through instead. 

“Ah, Y/N, you’re awake. How are you feeling?” he asked. You swallowed hard and Sam squeezed your hand reassuringly.

“The cramps hurt and urm… I think I’m bleeding,” you blushed. Sam didn’t seem to bat an eye at your words and neither did the doctor.

“Perfectly normal.” The doctor started writing something down on his clipboard. “I’m Dr Michaels by the way. You’re going to need plenty of rest, minimal movement and as much food and water as possible over the next two weeks before you even think about leaving this place,” he informed you. You sighed heavily, you knew Sam didn’t want to stay and you didn’t particularly feel great about it either. “I can prescribe you some medication I think we have in stores. It’s expensive, but it’ll help the pain.” He tore off some scrap paper and handed it to Sam. “Get that from the dispensary.” 

He left you and Sam alone again and Sam looked down at the paper. 

“Don’t worry about it, Sam, I’ll live,” you told him weakly. 

“No, I want you to get better, Y/N, Dean does too.”

“We can’t pay for it, and we don’t have any  _ points  _ or whatever Negan said we needed.” 

Sam sighed. “I know, but as you can’t go anywhere for the next two weeks, maybe me and Dean can be put to work, earn enough for the meds and some food until you’re fit enough to go.”   
“No, Sam, you don’t wanna stay here,” you reminded him.

“Hey, we don’t split up, remember? And neither of us are letting you leave that bed until you’re better. So for now, we’re gonna play Negan’s little game. Okay?”


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, talk of loss, mourning, grief, insomnia, heartbreak
> 
> Chapter WC: 1420

**_Sam’s POV_ **

Sam watched the way Y/N’s eyelids fluttered as she slept, watched the steady rising and falling of her chest. A small frown tugged on his brow as he watched the way her face screwed up; she was no doubt having a bad dream. Sleeping hadn’t come easy to any of them in months, maybe even years. They’d learned to survive on an hour or two at most. They’d all seen things, done things they couldn’t forget, but for Sam, the thing that kept him awake at night was Jess. Everytime he closed his eyes, every time he allowed himself to drift into an uneasy sleep, he was woken by the sound of the gunshot that took Jess away from him. The gunshot that rippled through the trees and made his whole body tense. The shot that his own brother had to make. Sam often offered to take the night shift and keep watch not just for Dean and Y/N’s sakes but for his. No sleep was better than haunted sleep. 

Sam’s heart ached for Y/N as he continued to watch her restlessly sleeping. He considered waking her up, pulling her from her nightmare, but he remembered what the doctor said about getting as much rest as possible and how she barely slept anymore either and decided to leave her be. They’d all known loss. Jess wasn’t the only one they had lost, even before the end of the world. But Sam couldn’t even imagine the grief of losing a child. When Jess was around he’d thought about it; marriage and kids. He wanted a future with her, a whole life. He let those ideas die with her and quickly became okay with being alone. He knew that Y/N had told him it was for the best and he hated to agree with her, but he also knew that she was going to be heartbroken. Just like his brother was. 

Sam hadn’t seen Dean like this before. He wouldn’t ever forget how Dean screamed at him to save her, the look on his face when Dr Michaels asked them about her pregnancy. How Dean fell to his knees when the doctor told him that the baby had been lost and how quickly he checked that Y/N was going to be okay. Dean had disappeared hours ago and Sam didn’t want to leave Y/N’s side to find him. Dean needed time alone and Y/N needed company, so Sam stayed put. He watched the disappointment on Y/N’s face when she woke to find Dean was gone, he watched as she bit back tears and told him she was going to be fine. Sam looked down at the name of the medication Dr Michaels had prescribed, scrawled onto the page in true doctor fashion; barely readable. He didn’t want to stay here, he didn’t want to conform to Negan’s way of life. But he also didn’t want Y/N to leave unwell. He wanted her completely better before they stepped foot out of those gates. So he was willing to do whatever Negan wanted if it gave them what they needed to make Y/N well again. 

The door opened and Dean’s head slowly poked around it. 

“Is she asleep?” he checked in a whisper. Sam nodded and Dean took his cue to enter. His eyes were red and puffy but Sam didn’t say anything. Dean would talk in his own time. Dean took the seat next to him and leaned forward on his elbows, hanging his head low between his shoulders. 

“She was asking after you when she woke up,” Sam told him softly. 

“I can’t, Sam,” he choked out. “I can’t.” 

“Dean, she’s grieving too, you both lost something. You need each other right now.” Dean shook his head and sniffled. He lifted his head and looked directly at Sam, fresh tears in his eyes. 

“Every time I look at her I see it. I imagine what they would’ve looked like. Her eyes, my nose… hopefully her smile…” Dean stopped and dropped his head again. Sam swallowed hard, not sure what he could possibly say to bring Dean any kind of temporary comfort.

“I didn’t think about it once,” Dean added after a moment’s silence. 

“What?” Sam pressed gently.

“The baby. When the doctor was saving her, once I knew she was pregnant, I didn’t care what happened to it, all I cared about was Y/N being safe,” he confessed. Sam placed a reassuring hand on his brother’s shoulder and sighed heavily. 

“Dean, that’s perfectly natural. Y/N is your girlfriend, you love her, you’ve spent years of your life with her. You’d known about that baby for two minutes.” Dean sniffled and nodded. “Of course you wanted Y/N to be okay.” 

“Yeah…” he agreed weakly. “She will be, won’t she?” he checked, looking at Sam again. 

“Yeah, doc said she just needs rest and food and he’s given me the name of some painkillers that will help her,” Sam explained. He handed Dean the note and Dean looked at it for a long moment. 

“They have that here?” he asked. 

“Apparently. It’s expensive though,” Sam sighed, rubbing his hands down his face. “Guess we need to take another trip to see Negan.” 

“Are you sure?” Dean pressed. Sam looked at Dean immediately and frowned. 

“Dean, Y/N needs these, yes I’m sure,” he told him adamantly. 

Dean nodded, “okay I just thought you were so hell bent on leaving,” he shrugged. 

“That was before… We need to stay for her,” Sam reasoned. Dean nodded again and sighed heavily, rising to his feet. “Where are you going?” 

“Well someone’s gotta talk to Negan and get these meds,” Dean explained, lifting the piece of paper. 

“I’ll go, you stay here,” Sam offered, climbing to his feet. Dean looked desperately over at Y/N who was still sleeping but quickly averted his eyes and shook his head. 

“I can’t, Sammy. I just can’t. Not now,” he muttered. Sam sighed, gritting his teeth. He knew Dean needed space but he hated that he was leaving Y/N, who needed him now more than ever. 

“Dean, don’t do this,” Sam warned. 

“Do what?” Dean pressed, impatiently. 

“Don’t push her away.” Dean looked down at the note and squeezed it tight in his palm for a moment. 

“I’ll be back with the meds as soon as I can.” 

Sam watched Dean leave, closing the door behind him and drew a deep breath, running his hand through his long hair as his hazel eyes fell on Dean walking across the compound through the window. He watched him go, wishing with everything in him he didn’t do what he always did when he grieved; distance himself from everyone whilst quickly losing control. Sam turned back to face Y/N and noticed as she began to blink her eyes open. 

“Sam, you’re still here,” she whispered, voice straining as she struggled to sit up. Sam rushed to her side and helped her move pillows until she was comfortable. 

“Yeah, I’m still here,” he reassured her with a sad smile. She looked past him, the disappointment of not finding Dean in the room evident on her face. “Need anything? Water?” he checked. She nodded with a small smile and he grabbed his canteen, handing it to her and helping her take some sips. She sat back once she was done and winced in pain as she readjusted her position. 

“Have you been here all night?” she checked, the strain evident in her voice. 

“Careful,” Sam warned softly. “Yeah,” he finally answered. 

“And, urm,” she cleared her throat and blushed, looking down to her lap. “Dean?” she pressed. 

“You actually just missed him, he’s gone to get your medication,” Sam told her warmly, happy he didn’t have to lie to her. She smiled wider for a moment but it faded and eventually vanished as she looked Sam in the eyes. 

“Is he okay?” Sam sighed and sat on the very edge of her bed, careful not to hurt her in any way. He took her hand and squeezed it gently. 

“He will be, you both will. But for now, you just need to focus on getting better. Hey, why don’t I get you something to eat? I’m sure I can find something.” She nodded, putting on a brave face that Sam could see straight through. 

“Yeah, thanks Sammy. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 


	5. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, heartache, talk of miscarriage, hints of dub-con, mild zombie fighting/killing
> 
> Chapter WC: 2571

**_Dean’s POV_ **

Dean charged across the compound before his brother could chase after him, not that Sam was going to leave Y/N alone. There was a sickness pressed at the base of his throat and a pain in his heart he’d never felt before. He knew that losing the baby was for the best, he knew it was absolutely ridiculous to even entertain the idea of having a kid in this world, especially when they didn’t plan on settling down within a community, but the heaviness still dragged behind him like a led weight tied to his stomach. There was a potential human, a tiny bunch of cells that was half him and half Y/N that could’ve been someone, and now it was gone. Dean had always liked the idea of being a Dad but he was far too much of a realist to let himself get caught up in the idea. But everytime he laid eyes on Y/N all he could see was the future they could’ve had together - the future that was ripped from them. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be around her. He couldn’t be strong for her and that’s what she needed. She needed someone to make her feel better, to lift her spirits. Sam could do that, Sam  _ would _ do that. Dean couldn’t give her that right now. 

But what Dean could do was go and see Negan, ask him for these meds to make her better, figure out some way that they could stay until Y/N was well enough to leave. Things had gotten a little heated during their last meeting; Negan hadn’t taken too kindly to the fact they wanted to leave the Sanctuary and not be part of his community, but Dean had a lot to offer that Negan could make use of in the meantime. This was how he was going to help Y/N, this is how he was going to be there for her. He clutched the paper tighter and made his way through the halls as he tried to remember how to get to Negan’s office. He found it eventually and knocked on the door impatiently. 

He didn’t wait for a reply as he charged in, coming face to face with a room full of people. Mainly men, but a couple of women too. Negan was sitting at the head of the table as he’d been the day he’d met with them and his hazel eyes landed on Dean as a small smirk danced across his lips, barely visible through his salt and pepper beard but Dean still caught it. 

“You know what to fuckin’ do?” he checked with them all. 

“Yes, Sir,” Simon nodded. 

“Alright, leave us,” Negan announced, his eyes landing back on Dean. People rose to their feet and moved around Dean to get out of the room.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise-” Dean cut himself short as they were left alone and Negan smiled widely as he rose to his feet. 

“How’s your little girlfriend?” Negan asked, getting closer. 

“She’ll be okay,” Dean nodded. “That’s actually why I came to see you-” Negan cut Dean short this time, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

“I’m fuckin’ sorry to hear what happened, son,” Negan sighed, giving his shoulder a squeeze. Dean swallowed hard, Negan’s choice of words, coupled with his likeness to his father, had him feeling more vulnerable than he should’ve around a stranger. “That shit fuckin’ sucks.” Dean nodded slowly. 

“Yeah, I was coming to ask if there’s any way we can get the points we need for these meds,” Dean asked confidently, handing Negan the paper. Negan seemed like a fair guy and maybe their situation would see him wavering the points for them on this occasion, not that Dean wasn’t willing to work for it if he had to. 

Negan looked down at the paper for a moment as his eyes slowly lifted back to Dean. He clicked his tongue. 

“These are expensive,” he warned. 

“I’ve been told,” Dean sighed. “Look, man, I’ll do anything. Y/N is in pain and I need to help her,” Dean told him desperately. Negan handed the paper back to Dean and drew a deep breath, setting some distance. 

“Listen, I can’t go around giving people special fuckin’ treatment. Especially not someone who isn’t part of the family, do you fuckin’ understand me?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I know… Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?” Dean pressed eagerly. 

“If you’re staying you’re gonna be racking up room points, food points, water points… the list goes on… nevermind the points for the meds,” he sighed. 

“Me and Sam can both work. We’ll do anything,” Dean told him. 

Negan clicked his tongue as if in thought before looking at Dean. 

“You said you were a fuckin’ mechanic?” he pressed. Dean nodded immediately. 

“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna fuckin’ do. I’ve got a truck that fuckin’ broke down on me last week. If you can get it running again, I’ll fuckin’ give you points, enough to get your girl her fuckin’ meds and enough to keep paying fuckin’ board for the three of you until you wanna leave… if you still do that is,” he explained. “In the meantime, I’ll want you and your brother to do the odd job for me, just to show you’re contributing to the community. Don’t want people on my fuckin’ back.”

“Of course, whatever you need,” Dean agreed eagerly. 

“Al-fucking-right,” Negan beamed. “Come with me.” 

Dean followed Negan across a corridor towards a set of large double doors. 

“Wait here,” he instructed, swinging the doors open to reveal some kind of fancy living room. At least, it was fancy for this world. There were couches and a record player playing some music, a bar setup in one corner and the room had several women in it. Negan strutted inside with a smug grin on his face, whistling to one girl, beckoning her over with a flick of two fingers like she was a dog. Dean watched as she eagerly obeyed him. Negan tipped her head back, squeezing her chin as he spoke to her so softly Dean couldn’t hear and once he was done, he leaned down and kissed her passionately. Dean looked away, glancing at the room and taking in more details until he realised the two of them were approaching him. 

“Sherry, this is Dean Winchester, he’ll be fuckin’ staying with us a while. Dean, this is my wife, Sherry.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dean replied politely as she gave him a small smile.

“Would you like a beer?” she asked.

“We’d fuckin’ love one, right Dean?” Negan smirked. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d drank a beer and nodded in agreement. Sherry nodded in understanding and made her way to the corner of the room. 

“This is Amber, Tanya and Frankie,” Negan announced, pointing to each one in turn. “My other wives.” Dean’s eyes widened as he looked at Negan. He had  _ four  _ wives? The other three didn’t seem as confident as Sherry had and Dean had this uneasy feeling in his stomach that told him that maybe they weren’t here through choice. Negan flashed the girls a wink and chuckled at the way the young blonde squirmed. She was at least half his age and barely looked over twenty. Before Dean could ask any questions he knew he probably shouldn’t anyway, Sherry reapproached them with two bottles of beer. 

“Thanks, doll,” Negan smiled. Dean took his ice cold bottle and took a swig, savouring the way the bubbles melted on his tongue and the cold bitter taste that slid down his throat. He needed a drink after the few days he’d had. “Alright, we gotta fuckin’ go, you girls be good for Daddy, hm?” he prompted. 

“Yes, Negan,” came their scattered replies. Negan chuckled again and turned on his heels, leading the way out. 

Dean followed behind still a little dumbstruck by the multiple  _ wives  _ Negan had and whether or not they were there by choice. But they at least seemed to have it good and they had beer, which was always a bonus in Dean’s eyes. 

“No one gets it fuckin’ better than my girls,” Negan boasted as they made their way down the corridors. “They live like fucking royalty,” he smirked, “and I get all the fun with them.” Dean smiled slightly in return. “Why fuckin’ not? Who fuckin’ says I gotta limit myself to one fuckin’ slut?” He continued. Dean didn’t reply, not sure what to really say. He, like most people, had always been brought up that love is between two people, but he supposed in this world, Negan had a point. There was nothing stopping him having more than one wife. Dean couldn’t begin to imagine splitting his time between more than one partner, though. 

Negan stopped talking, opting for whistling instead as he led Dean out of the building and down towards the gates. Dean still found it incredibly weird and a little unsettling that people were stopping what they were doing to kneel as he and Negan passed them. This guy really was living the dream. Multiple wives, people worshipping him and Dean bet he didn’t have to earn any points to get what he wanted. The beer in Dean’s hand hadn’t lasted long enough and as they passed a trash can, he put his bottle inside, Negan following suit. They continued to walk down towards the gates, the unsettling sound of zombies getting louder as they approached. But Dean quickly realised the noise wasn’t coming from outside, it was coming from a caged off area over to the left, a herd of zombies aimlessly wandering around inside. 

Negan laughed when Dean spotted it. 

“Gotta provide some fuckin’ entertainment, haven’t we?” Negan smirked, “that’s where you go if you fuckin’ choke it. Or if you piss me off enough.” Dean swallowed hard. He’d always hated being close to the things, but he’d never had the opportunity to really look at one without being in immediate danger. They were truly horrific and the nausea was back stronger now than before, though Dean wondered if the beer played a part in that, having been a while since he’d drank any kind of alcohol. Dean finally pulled his eyes away from the pen and continued to follow Negan towards the line of trucks. Some guy with blonde hair started to approach.

“Sir, we’ve unloaded three trucks, successful trip,” he informed Negan, his eyes glancing uneasily past his boss to Dean for a moment. 

“Dwight, meet Dean Winchester,” Negan announced, clapping a hand on Dean’s back forcefully. “Dean’s fuckin’ staying with us for a while. His brother and girlfriend too.” Dwight looked straight at Dean and held out a hand. Dean shook it.

“Hi,” he replied politely. 

“Dwighty boy here is one of my main men,” Negan explained to Dean. “Used to be married to one of my wives, didn’t ya?” Negan smirked, licking his lips. Dwight seemed uncomfortable with the statement and suddenly things felt very tense. “But luckily, Sherry knows a real fuckin’ man now,” Negan laughed. Dean’s eyes widened slightly. Out of all of Negan’s  _ wives,  _ Dean would’ve assumed that Sherry was the main one, maybe even his  _ real  _ wife, given how he was with her in the room earlier on. “Anyway, Dean’s a mechanic, gonna look at that fuckin’ hunk of junk that packed in last week,” Negan explained. 

“Of course, third on the left,” Dwight replied, voice a little shaky. “I’ll get the keys and some tools.” 

Negan guided Dean to the correct truck and stood in front of it with his hands on his hips. 

“Don’t know what fuckin’ happened, just stopped and wouldn’t fuckin’ start again.” Dwight returned with a few things and Dean took them from him, thanking him politely. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Dean agreed, setting to work. 

-

  
  


Dean had his head buried in the bonnet, trying to tighten the bolt so he could finish working on the engine, but the spanner he had to work with was not the best. He wasn’t expecting it to be, given the situation, but it still made his work slower and all he had on his mind was how the longer he took to fix this truck, the longer it took to get Y/N her meds. He could hear some kind of hissing sound and wondered if maybe something was leaking or had gone wrong. Bringing his head out a little further so he could hear more he frowned, wiping his greasy hands on the back of his pants. The hissing got louder and Dean quickly turned his head to realise that it wasn’t coming from the car at all, it was coming from a walker. Dean thought on his feet, grabbing the spanner and plunging it through the skull immediately so it slumped at his feet. He panted, glad it hadn’t caught him off guard but one glance towards the pen told him the fight wasn’t over. The gate had been left open and now there were four more heading his way. 

He patted down his belt, remembering that they were stripped of weapons when they arrived. 

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, grabbing another tool from the few he had on offer to him. This one was a heavier wrench. He charged towards the small herd, wedging the tool into each skull as he went and finally got to the gate to push it shut, having to use his entire weight to stop them from getting out. He scrambled to get the padlock closed and stepped back as soon as he knew it was safe. 

“Well fuck,” Negan’s voice echoed around the compound as he laughed and approached Dean with an impressed look on his face. “You can fuckin’ fight,” he noted, “thought you were a fuckin’ goner with the first one.” Dean glared.

“Why didn’t you help?” he spat. Negan laughed, tipping his head back. 

“You didn’t need it.” Dean grit his teeth. He didn’t want to argue with Negan, not when he was the one in charge of whether or not Y/N got her meds and they got to eat and sleep here, so he bit his tongue. Negan clicked his tongue, his eyes glancing over Dean again. “You’re fuckin’ wasted on mechanics,” he smirked. 

Dean didn’t say anything else and watched as Negan stepped around the now dead walkers and headed towards the truck Dean had been fixing. He climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the key, and Dean prayed to an invisible God that it would work. The engine roared to life as a small smile spread over Dean’s lips. Negan laughed as he revved the engine and eventually turned it off and jumped down out of it. 

“Good fuckin’ job,” he commended. “So you can do mechanics, you can fight, but what can your fuckin’ brother do?” he pressed.

“Sam’s a better fighter than me,” Dean told him honestly. 

“Al-fucking-right then,” Negan nodded. “Then it’s agreed. You get your points, and you’ll fight for me until your girlfriend is well again.” Dean nodded in agreement, willing to do anything. 

“Thank you, Negan. We won’t make you regret this,” Dean promised. 

“No you fuckin’ won’t,” Negan laughed, a threatening tone to his voice. “Because you don’t wanna be on my bad fuckin’ side. None of you do.”


	6. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, talk of miscarriage, heart to heart, minor fluff, 
> 
> Chapter WC: 2029

**_One Week Later_ **

**_Your POV_ **

“Thanks, Sam,” you told him quietly as you took his hand and he helped you to your feet off of the bed. You’d managed to be somewhat mobile around the infirmary with Sam’s help over the last few days and the pain meds that you’d been prescribed were definitely working. They made you a little high, a little more relaxed. They temporarily took away the heavy sadness that still weighed in your heart, so you found yourself taking them  _ just in case  _ or before the pain could get too bad, rather than once it  _ was  _ too bad. They were one of the very few things that were helping. Sam was trying his best, and you really appreciated his efforts, but since he and Dean had started working for Negan to pay your way he’d been able to visit less and less. On the other hand, Dean was visiting more than before, even though  _ more  _ still wasn’t much. 

Admittedly, at first, it had been hard to see him when he was a constant reminder of what had happened and as much as you needed him, it also hurt so you could understand why he needed space. But now that the initial shock and upset was gone, you found yourself wanting him more and more. You just wanted normality again. You just wanted things to go back to the way they were before all this. You missed Dean more than anything. You missed him attempting to cheer you up and make you laugh, you’d missed him holding you as you tried to sleep. You just missed  _ him.  _ Even when he was around he was distant, he wasn’t the Dean you knew and loved. He even seemed different around Sam, so you figured he just needed a little more time. 

You couldn’t help but notice that they had both been different around you in general, treading on eggshells, avoiding certain conversations. You appreciated their efforts to comfort you, but it was only a reminder that something bad had happened. 

“How are you feeling? Everything okay?” Sam checked. His one large arm was wrapped around your waist as he held you tight against his body, his other hand holding yours as he helped you walk. 

“I’m fine, Sam, I can do this, you don’t need to worry about me, I’m a big girl,” you told him confidently, smiling up at him. He scoffed and nodded his head. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he blushed, stepping back a little and giving you more room. 

“I still need your hand,” you smirked, reaching out for it, “I’m not quite ready to go it completely alone.” Sam laughed, holding out his hand for you to take but as you did so the door opened and Dean stepped into the room. 

“Hey you,” he smiled. “You’re up.” 

“Yeah, Sammy helped.” Dean nodded and bit his bottom lip for a moment. 

“Here, I’ve got you,” he smiled, stepping up closer and Sam stepped back completely to give him room. Dean took your hand, kissing your forehead gently. “Got a surprise for you,” he beamed, squeezing your hand. 

“You do?” you pressed with a smile. “What is it?” you asked excitedly. 

“Well, if I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise would it?” he smirked. “C’mon.” 

Dean started to lead you out of the building, Sam following on behind you both with your bag on his back. “Sammy, I’ve got this, I’ll see you later,” Dean turned around to his brother, holding out his other hand for your backpack. 

“Okay, you sure?” Sam checked. Dean had barely wanted to be alone with you since what had happened, but he seemed in higher spirits than usual.

“Yeah, she’s my girl, I can take care of her,” Dean insisted. Sam slung the bag off his shoulder and handed it over to your boyfriend. Dean placed the bag on his back.

“See you later then,” Sam nodded, flashing you a forced smile. Dean turned back around in the direction you were heading and once again took your hand, guiding you towards the building ahead. 

“Aren’t our rooms in that direction?” you checked, looking over your shoulder at where Sam was now heading.

-

Dean swung the door open, a huge smile on his face as he revealed a large bedroom. There was a real double bed inside, a dusty old dressing table and even a couch in the corner with a small table in front of it. 

“What’s this, De?” you pressed, looking around. 

“This is our new room,” Dean announced, beaming. He stepped inside and put your bag down at the foot of the bed, crashing down onto the mattress that looked so soft and comfortable. “What do you think?” he pressed. “We have our own bathroom too. Toilet, bath with an overhead shower… We’re like royalty.” The bed you’d had in the infirmary had had a mattress but it was far from comfortable; old and lumpy with broken springs. Still, it had been a world away from the places you were used to sleeping. But the bed Dean’s whole body was currently sinking into was better still. 

“I think this is gonna be too many points for us to afford if we want to leave here once I’m better. You and Sam can’t possibly do enough work for this,” you told him sensibly. 

Dean sighed, rising to his feet as he walked towards you slowly. 

“Don’t you worry your pretty little mind about points. Me and Sam got a fast pass to the top of the leaderboard, and Negan is helping out as much as he can. He wants you to get better. He asks about you every day, you know?” Dean pressed, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. 

“He must have some hidden agenda. Maybe he thinks that if he’s nice enough we’ll want to stay,” you shrugged. Dean frowned a little.

“Not everyone in this new world is evil, Y/N. You and Sam have the wrong idea of Negan, he’s a good guy. He saves people, he gives them protection. So what he has a points system? I think it’s fair,” he defended. You sighed, knowing it was pointless arguing with Dean when he clearly had his mind made up. “C’mon, come and feel the bed, you need to rest anyway,” he fussed, leading you further into the room. He closed the door behind you and guided you over to the bed, helping you get on safely. 

You couldn’t deny the bed was extremely comfortable; like sitting on a cloud. The dull ache between your legs was almost gone thanks to a mixture of the pain meds you’d taken before you left and the soft bedding beneath you. 

“Hey? Nice, right?” Dean prompted excitedly. You could tell he was super happy with the room and probably proud of himself for being able to provide you with something so luxurious. You bit your lip and swallowed down any reservations you had about why this might be a bad idea, not wanting to ruin this moment for Dean as you smiled. 

“Thank you, baby, this is amazing.” You reached up to cup his face with your hand and Dean turned it to kiss your palm. 

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” 

“We should talk about it,” you whispered, afraid of scaring him away.

“Yeah,” he surprisingly agreed. You sat back, leaning against the headboard and Dean sat beside you, linking his hands together in his lap as he looked down at his feet. 

“It was for the best,” you told him softly. “A baby in this world… can you imagine?” you laughed, trying to keep the mood light, but Dean had suddenly gone very quiet. “De?” you prompted. 

“No, you’re right,” Dean eventually agreed, turning his head to look at you. “Would’ve been terrible. I worry about you as it is, don’t need you being pregnant making that worse. And then there’s childbirth, can you see me or Sam knowing how to deliver a baby?” he scoffed. 

“No,” you answered truthfully, “well… maybe Sam,” you shrugged. 

“Oh you’d let Sam down there, huh?” he teased. You bit back a smirk and kicked him softly. 

His smile faded, as did yours as you let the seriousness of the situation sink in again. 

“It was kinda inevitable though, I suppose… not been on the pill in years now,” you pointed out. “And we were careful at first but sometimes we’re not anymore,” you added, blushing. 

“Yeah… I guess.” Dean sighed. “But we will be from now on.” 

“Yeah,” you agreed with a nod. 

“Like you said, this was for the best. It happened for a reason. It wasn’t meant to be. We should probably just forget about it and move on. I mean… we didn’t even know about it,” Dean defended. 

“No, I know… and Dr Michaels said it was early days, I was only a few weeks. It could’ve been worse,” you reasoned. 

“Yeah, exactly.” 

“I just want things to go back to normal,” you confessed sadly. Dean gripped your hand. 

“Yeah me too, sweetheart.”

You let the silence grow between you for a few minutes, thinking about what the conversation you’d just had. Logically, everything you’d both said had been right, but it didn’t stop the ache in your chest.

“So top of the leaderboard, what does that entail?” you pressed, changing the subject as you shifted your position to get comfortable again. Dean shrugged, sighing as he rose to his feet and helped you to rearrange the pillows behind you. 

“We scout with him,” he explained briefly. “Are you comfortable?” he checked. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “So what does scouting entail?” you pried again, noticing the way he was avoiding eye contact with you. But it wasn’t in the same way it had been before, this time there was a look of guilt written all over his face. “Dean?” you pressed harder. Dean cleared his throat and wiped his mouth, sitting on the edge of the bed again and sighing heavily. 

“We visit other communities.” 

“What for?” 

“Food, resources,” Dean shrugged. You could tell from the way he was acting it wasn’t that innocent. 

“You steal from them? Is that how they have so much stuff here?” you guessed. Dean’s eyes went wide. 

“No, baby, nothing like that. It’s payment,” he defended. 

“Payment for what, Dean?”

“For protection, if they were to face any threats then the Saviors help out.” 

“So Negan takes all of their food and all of their resources, leaves them to basically die with the promise that  _ maybe  _ someday if they  _ happen  _ to need help, he’ll give it to them?” you scoffed. You felt a little sick that you’d been taking from this community, using its resources, becoming part of the problem. 

“No, not all of it, half of it. It’s a business transaction. Negan is a businessman, we already know this,” Dean told you. 

“Okay, so you expect me to believe that this  _ businessman  _ is giving us this really great room, my meds, all our food in return for you scouting with him sometimes. What’s the catch?”

Dean grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly. 

“No catch, sweetheart. Me and Sam are working for him, we’re earning this. And I think Negan likes us. He’s an okay guy.” You sighed heavily, looking down at Dean’s large, slightly grubby hand as it held yours. 

“It seems too good to be true, De, I don’t like it,” you confessed quietly. Dean squeezed your hand stronger and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“We’ve had shitty luck recently, maybe this is finally our time. We deserve this,” he told you calmly. “This place isn’t so bad, I promise. Don’t you trust me?” 

“Yeah, De,” you nodded. “Of course I do. It’s probably just hormones.You’re right, we deserve this,” you agreed. You reached up, wiping your cheeks dry. You hadn’t even realised you’d started crying. 

“Hey, why don’t I run you a bath? It would be nice for you to have a soak right?” You nodded with a smile as Dean got up and disappeared into the bathroom. Biting your bottom lip you wondered if Dean was right, maybe this was your time for something good. 


	7. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, murder, hints of dark!Dean, talk of miscarriage, hints of substance abuse
> 
> Chapter WC: 2060
> 
> A/Ns: Urgh, I actually felt a little sad writing this chapter for various reasons. I’m getting so into their stories and their minds for this and it’s so fucking angsty I DON’T LIKE IT!

**_Sam’s POV_ **

Sam leaned against the doorway, sighing heavily as he waited for Dean to get ready. 

“How are you feeling, Y/N?” Sam asked her softly. She slowly but surely got herself out of bed and Sam had to fight every instinct to rush to help her. But the day before she’d had a go at him for being too overbearing, saying he didn’t trust her to be able to do things for herself. That wasn’t the case at all, he just wanted to help the only way he knew how. He couldn’t make it better, he couldn’t change what had happened and he couldn’t give her the emotional support she needed from Dean, so he’d tried to give her physical support, but he realised now that she was right, he was getting a little too much. She was getting better and stronger every day, able to walk herself places, able to walk down to the food hall and back as long as she took it easy the rest of the day and she was still on track to being fully recovered enough for them to leave a week later. 

“I’m fine, thanks,” she smiled, grabbing her bottle of meds. She popped the cap and carelessly poured some into her hand, swallowing them down dry. It was her third bottle since she’d been prescribed them and Sam had asked Dr Michaels if it was normal for her to need and want to take so many, but he didn’t seem concerned. It meant more and more points were being racked up, alongside their fancy room, but Dean kept brushing off Sam’s concerns, telling him not to worry about it. Dean was far more friendly with Negan than Sam was. Their arrangement was between the two of them and Sam reluctantly went along with it. If he kept his head down, if they paid what they owed without a fuss, maybe they could leave soon. Though the idea of leaving at all for some reason seemed like naive hope. There was a niggling in Sam’s stomach that told him they were never going to leave this place. 

“Alright, I’m ready,” Dean told Sam, grabbing his weapons belt and securing it around his waist. “See you later, baby,” he told Y/N, kissing her lips quickly.

“Be safe, both of you,” she called after Dean as he headed towards Sam. Sam noted the look of worry all over her face, the same one she always had when they were leaving to scout. Sam didn’t like it anymore than Y/N. He hated taking from other communities, but he was doing this to look after his own family. He was doing this for Y/N. 

“We will,” Sam reassured her softly, giving her a gentle smile before shutting the door behind him. 

The brothers headed down to the trucks in silence, until Sam finally decided to speak up.

“Don’t you just think it’s a bit weird that Negan’s given you that room when we’ve barely been here two weeks and we don’t even have many points?” Sam pressed. 

Dean sighed, “Not this again, Sammy.” 

“I’m just saying… Negan doesn’t strike me as the guy to just give out charity.” Dean stopped in his tracks, turning around to face his brother. 

“Negan’s not a bad guy. He’s been worried about Y/N, he wanted her to recover properly after what happened. I think he’s just helping us out and hey, it’s not total charity. He’s getting three weeks of two good fighters out of it,” Dean shrugged. 

“I don’t think he’s  _ worried  _ about Y/N,” Sam informed him matter-of-factly. Dean frowned a little, his shoulders squaring challengingly. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he spat. “What are you suggesting, Sammy?”

“You’re telling me you’ve not seen the way he looks at her? The look on his face when he talks about her?” Sam pressed, “you know he’s got like ten wives, right?” 

“Four. He’s got four wives and so fucking what?” 

“So - at least two of those  _ wives  _ were once the girls of other people in the community.” Dean stepped closer to Sam, his eyes narrowing further. 

“If we’re talking about other men taking an interest in  _ my  _ girlfriend then I don’t think Negan’s the one I should be worried about.” Sam’s eyes widened, not sure how to respond to that as Dean turned on his heels and continued to charge towards the trucks. 

Sam watched him go for a moment, swallowing hard. He wasn’t  _ taking an interest  _ in Y/N. He cared for her, deeply. He wanted to keep her safe and make her happy and make sure nothing bad happened to her. But he didn’t  _ love  _ her. He hadn’t loved anyone since Jess. It wasn’t like that, was it? 

-

Sam’s stomach twisted with guilt as he loaded the last crate of food onto the back of the truck and dusted his hands. 

“Boss, we’ve found more!” Simon’s voice cut across the camp and Sam’s stomach only tightened further. He knew exactly what Simon had found and he’d promised the older woman he would pretend he hadn’t seen anything. He had to leave them with  _ something.  _ Half of their stuff was barely anything, nowhere near enough for the amount this community needed to survive. “North West building, a whole store cupboard full of food.” Negan’s hazel eyes flickered to Sam. That had been his area. He looked to the floor, pretending he hadn’t noticed Negan’s glare. 

“Well fuck… you guys were trying to pull a fucking fast one on me, huh?” Negan asked the small gathering. The leader, some guy in his forties with wiry copper hair’s eyes grew wide. 

“N-no, Sir, we didn’t mean to hide anything from you,” he stammered. 

“I fuckin’ think we all need to learn a fuckin’ lesson around here, don’t we?” Negan prompted, a smug grin on his face. Dean stood at Negan’s side, arms crossed over his chest, not even unnerved by Negan’s tone, or the fact that he was about to unleash hell on an innocent group of people for merely trying to survive. Negan whistled as he paced in front of them, all of them with wide eyes and trembling legs. He swung Lucille out in front of him and pointed it towards a random guy in the middle of the crowd. “You,” he announced, nodding his head at Dean. Dean charged through the crowd and gripped the brunette by the collar, dragging him to the front. Pleas and sobs came from the group as they protested against Negan’s selection, particularly from the woman he’d been standing with; the one holding a baby. 

Sam could feel the sickness pressing at the base of his throat at the very thought but he was paralysed, unable to help. If he spoke up, if he tried to stop it, Negan would soon kill him, or take it out on Dean or Y/N. Sam couldn’t have that. 

“Kill him.” Negan’s command echoed across the space and Sam watched as Dean forced the man to his knees, the pleas and sobs even louder and harder now, but they were ignored by both his brother and Negan. Sam watched as Dean grabbed the gun from the holster attached at his hip and Sam turned his head before he could see what was about to happen. The gunshot sounded out loudly, screams and wails accompanying it as Sam squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself not to be sick. “Simon, take our cut and let’s get outta here,” Negan told him, seemingly unphased by what had happened. 

Sam felt someone approach him, assuming it was Dean only to realise by the musky smell that filled his nose that he was massively mistaken. He finally looked to see Negan standing at his side, hazel eyes fixed on his face.

“That was on you. Next time you don’t wanna do your fuckin’ job properly, it’ll be you I order your brother to kill.” Negan’s voice was dangerously quiet. “And son,” he added, stepping closer still, his face close to Sam’s now, “better fuckin’ believe me when I say he’ll fuckin’ do it.” A shit-eating grin spread over Negan’s mouth and he clicked his tongue against his teeth before heading towards the truck.

-

Sam hadn’t been able to look at Dean the entire way home. Anger swam in his veins. Partially at himself, knowing Negan was right; that man’s death was on Sam. He should’ve just done his job like he was supposed to. But he was also beyond angry with Dean. He didn’t even question it, didn’t even hesitate for a moment. He grabbed that guy and forced him to his knees and shot him without a moment’s thought. The man Sam knew as his brother would’ve never done that. Negan was changing him, the Sanctuary was changing him and hell, maybe losing the baby changed him too. But Sam didn’t like it one bit. Dean had always prided himself on doing the right thing, for being a reasonable and compassionate guy, but what he did back there was neither of those things. 

When they finally pulled up at the gates, Sam let out a breath, glad he could finally go to his room and spend time away from Dean. Dean had to have known Sam was pissed because he’d not even tried to start a conversation with him. They both climbed out of the truck and helped unload what was in the back before heading towards their rooms. 

“What’s up with you?” Dean grunted, finally breaking the silence between them. Sam stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face his brother, a frown deep on his brow.

“Seriously?” Sam pressed, anger dripping off of his tongue. 

Dean gave a nonchalant shrug. “Yeah, tell me.” Dean sighed. “Is it because of what I said earlier, about Y/N? Just forget it, okay?” 

“No, Dean, this is because you just killed some innocent guy in cold blood!” Sam shot out. Dean scoffed, and shook his head. “Dean, that man had a wife, he had a  _ family,” _ Sam stressed. 

“I had an order and I did fucking my job. Unlike you. This is on you, you know?” Dean retorted, pointing at Sam. Sam shook his head. 

“I didn’t pull the trigger, Dean,” Sam argued. 

“Fuck you.” Dean grit his teeth. 

“This isn’t you. You’ve changed. You would have never done that before…” Sam cut himself short. 

“Before what, Sam? Before  _ what?  _ Before the world went to shit and we had to kill things to survive? Before my girlfriend was dying in the middle of a forest and I accepted help to keep her and all of us alive? Or before she lost  _ my  _ baby?” Sam was speechless, swallowing hard. “Fuck you, Sam. Don’t you fucking tell me I’ve changed. Of course I fucking have, I had to. And don’t you dare try and make me feel guilty for something I did for us. To keep Y/N in that fancy room with a real bed so she can recover from her miscarriage, so I can keep food on our table.” 

“When we leave this place, everything you’ve done, everything Negan has made you do goes with you. You have to live with that and I don’t want you to leave here broken, okay?” Sam explained. 

“I’m already broken, Sammy, we all are. Welcome to the new world. I’m not leaving here any different. Hell, maybe I’m not leaving here at all.”

“What? Dean, we said that-”

“I don’t fucking care what we said. Fucking sue me for not wanting to go back out there where we’re starving and barely able to walk more than a mile because we’re so exhausted. That’s not the life I want, that’s not the life I want for Y/N and it’s not the life I want for you. This place isn’t perfect, but it’s the best damn thing we’ve had in years. So if you want to leave then go, but don’t expect me to follow you.” 

Sam watched Dean storm away, utterly speechless. Dean wanted to stay. Above all else, one thing was for sure; Negan’s corruption of Dean had only just begun and whether Dean changed his mind about staying or not, Sam knew either way he wasn’t walking out of those gates with the Dean he walked in with. 


	8. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, smut, possessive!Dean, jealous!Dean, dub-con, blowjob, p in v, rough sex
> 
> Chapter WC: 2137

**_Dean’s POV_ **

What was Sam even expecting?  _ Of course  _ he wanted to stay here. They had food and comfortable beds and security. Why didn’t Sam want that for them? And anyway, what was so wrong with looking out for his own for once? Okay, so what Negan was doing to other communities was questionable, but if you asked Dean he was being smart - making the best of a crappy situation. He’d worked smart, building a whole system. The Saviors protected those other communities, so of course it was fair for Negan to get some sort of payment. Money was made redundant long ago. Food and weapons and other resources were the way to go now and Negan was only being clever. He had his own community to care for. And that’s exactly what Dean was doing. He was looking out for himself and Y/N and Sam. Why couldn’t Sam see that? 

He kicked open the door into the building that his room was situated in, still feeling the pent up anger. Dean had always found arguing with Sam hard, but it was particularly tough when he insisted on laying into him whilst everything else was going on. Why wasn’t Sam cutting him some slack? Negan gave an order and he obeyed. Anyway, how else were they gonna learn how to follow simple rules if Negan didn’t teach them a lesson or two? Dean was only trying to survive just like everyone else. It wasn’t his fault. Sam shouldn’t have ignored the entire store room of food he stumbled across, this was on him. 

His head was spinning as he stormed up the steps, heading towards his room. He needed a distraction, he just needed  _ something.  _ He flung his door open to find Y/N sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up at him and smiled softly. 

“Everything okay?” she checked. She quickly frowned as her eyes fell on him properly and she rushed to her feet, wincing a little as she hurried over to him. “Dean, you’re bleeding, what happened? Are you okay?” she panicked. She reached up for the blood splatters on his face, brushing her fingertips gently through them. 

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” he reassured her, gripping her wrist. “It’s not mine.” She frowned, her Y/E/C eyes looking into his.

“It’s not? Whose is it?” she checked. Dean huffed slightly and shook his head. 

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“Is Sam okay?” she checked immediately. Dean frowned, why was she even asking about him right now? “Dean? Sam’s okay right?” she prompted desperately. Dean grit his teeth, feeling the jealousy bubble inside him. 

“Sam is fine,” he shot out. 

The idea of Sam and Y/N liking each other didn’t sit well with him. Dean was very well aware that Sam had been there for her a lot more than he had since the miscarriage, he hated to think that she thought that Sam was better than him. But Dean needed space and surely she knew that? They’d already had that conversation. What if she liked his brother? What if there was something going on there? Dean gripped Y/N’s wrist harder.

“Baby, what’s going on?” she pressed, looking at her wrist. “Dean, you’re hurting me,” she warned. 

“You’re mine,” he reminded her. 

“What? Dean, what are you talking about?” He dragged her towards the bed as she struggled to keep up. 

“You’re mine,” he repeated louder. “Right?” he prompted. “You’re mine, right?” He shouted. 

“Yes, Dean. I’m yours. Why - I don’t understand,” she sputtered out. 

Dean loosened his grip on her wrist and sighed heavily. 

“I’m sorry, baby. It was a stressful day and I guess I just miss you.” Dean looked down to his muddy boots and slumped onto the bed so he could pull them off his feet.    
“Baby, I’m right here,” she laughed sadly, sitting next to him. “I’ve not gone anywhere, I think you’ve just been a little distant recently with everything going on, so you’ve not noticed.” Dean glared at her. Why was she turning this around on him? He bit his tongue and threw his boots further into the room.

“I need-” Dean stopped and bit his lip, “I need you.” Y/N’s eyes widened slightly as she realised what he was asking of her. “Do you think that you’re ready?” he checked. 

Y/N swallowed hard and opened and closed her mouth several times before she replied. 

“Yeah, of course.” She offered him a nervous smile and leaned forward, kissing him softly at first. He brought his hand to the back of her head to keep her there, grubby fingers lacing through her soft Y/H/C hair and tugging slightly as he deepened the kiss, licking into her mouth and biting at her bottom lip. She placed one shaking hand on his chest and kissed back, whimpering softly into his mouth. With his spare hand, Dean started to thumb open his cargo pants, eager to free his aching erection. Wrapping his hand around it, he jerked a few times, making sure it was fully hard before pulling Y/N back by the grip he had on her hair. He looked her in the eyes as she panted and bit his bottom lip. He guided her head down towards his crotch and she caught on quickly what he was looking for. 

He watched as she very carefully lowered herself onto her knees at his feet, wincing as she raised up a little and Dean opened his legs wider so she could kneel between them. She wrapped her delicate hand around him, her eyelashes fluttering as she looked up at him. Dean groaned in anticipation, leaning back on his elbows and looking down his body to watch her work. She slowly wrapped her lips around the tip. The warm, pillowy soft wetness encased his head and he gasped for air, feeling himself throb in her hand at the sensation. He’d missed this far too much. Her tongue swirled the whole way around, hot and hard in comparison to her lips, making Dean buck his hips a little and send himself deeper. The tip pressed against the tightness in the back of her throat.

“Fuck,” he breathed, frowning slightly as he tried to remain composed. It had been so long it was already getting him close to the edge. She withdrew to the tip again, sucking hard on it and licking at the underside ridge of his cock, where he was most sensitive. Her hand started to jerk, small twisting motions that coupled with the way she was licking at his head had Dean moaning louder, his thigh muscles tightening slightly. “Oh shit, sweetheart, just like that,” he encouraged, fingers combing through the back of her hair again. “Take it all, c’mon.” He pushed on the back of her head and slid deeper, until she was gagging around him, restricting so tightly Dean had to withdraw quickly. 

“Want you to cum in my mouth,” she whispered with a small smirk playing on her lips. Dean scoffed a laugh, sitting up and tipping her head back so he could kiss her.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m nowhere near done with you.” 

Dean encouraged her back up to her feet, rising to his own feet and towering over her. He spun them both around, pushing her down to sit on the bed and she whimpered as soon as she fell backwards, her back hitting the mattress with a soft thud. Dean tore his shirt over his head. 

“Take your pants off, baby,” he commanded. She bit her bottom lip anxiously and slowly hooked her fingers into the hem of her shorts, wiggling them carefully down her legs. Dean grew impatient, reaching forward and tugging them off in one quick and easy movement as he threw them to the floor. “Spread those legs, let me see you, baby,” he groaned, fisting his cock once more. She did as she was told, revealing exactly what Dean was craving most as he licked his lips hungrily. 

Her delicate fingers slowly started to rub in small circles over her clit as Dean watched eagerly, pumping himself in his hand. He climbed onto the bed, kneeling between her spread legs and leaning on one hand over her. He looked between them, gripping his cock and guiding it towards her entrance but as the tip nestled against her heat she placed a hand on his chest. 

“De, wait. I’m not sure,” she told him, nervously. Dean glanced up into her eyes for a second. 

“Why?” he pressed, “c’mon baby, I really need this,” he pleaded. “I’ve missed you so much and I had such a stressful day,” he continued, dropping his lips to her neck as he kissed over her delicate flesh, licking and nibbling on it softly. She whimpered and he pushed against her opening a little harder, the very tip of his cock just about squeezing inside. 

Y/N’s hand slipped away from his chest and Dean took it as a sign he could continue, so he pushed inside a little more. Her soft, warm walls clenched around him, squeezing at his cock like a vice and he moaned, the feeling was like nothing else. Fuck, he’d missed this. Her nails bit into his back, making him hiss at the pain, his cock throbbing inside her at the sensation. He started to fuck her harder and faster with every thrust until he was pounding into her mercilessly and she was screaming and whimpering beneath him. 

“Oh fuck,” he grunted, feeling his tip nudge against her cervix, her walls clenching around him even tighter than before. 

“Dean,” she whined, pushing against his hips. 

“That’s it baby, fucking take it,” he growled, biting on her shoulder hard. “Take that fucking cock like a good little slut.” She was still pushing against him, restricting his movements somewhat. 

Dean sat up, gripping her thighs and encouraging her to turn over onto her front. She slowly obliged and once she was laying on her stomach, he gripped her hips and lifted them, her legs coming up underneath her so she was kneeling in front of him. He spat onto his cock, giving it the extra lubrication it needed to slide back inside her tight hole. Y/N dropped her head between her shoulders, her fists gripping the sheets beneath them tightly as she whimpered. 

“This cunt is mine,” he reminded her, snapping his hips forward. “You are mine.” 

“Ye-yeah, De, I’m yours,” she whimpered out, squirming away from him with every thrust. He gripped her hips and pulled them flush against him, holding her there so he was buried to the hilt. She clenched rhythmically around him, sending him to the edge, the shot of electricity radiating through his entire body, pulses of pleasure making his cock throb inside her.

Dean stopped, pulling out quickly and his whole body shuddered with his climax as he came undone over her ass and back, painting it white. Dean collapsed onto the bed beside her, laying on his side as he watched Y/N slowly lower her legs again, so she was laying flat on the bed. Her eyes fluttered open at him and she gave him a tiny, tired smile. 

“That was good,” he panted with a small smile. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I needed that. Also, fuck, I’ve missed fucking on a bed,” he laughed. Y/N forced a laugh but Dean was too tired to pry anymore, the whole day had drained him. He was ready to sleep. “Do you want something?” he checked, forcing himself to get up so he could clean up. 

“Just something to clean up,” she told him softly. Dean nodded, heading into the bathroom. When he returned with a towel, Y/N was sitting on the edge of the bed, opening her painkillers bottle as she poured some into her palm and shot them into the back of her throat. 

Dean handed her the towel and watched as she struggled to clean herself up, so he climbed on the bed behind her, pushing her hair over her shoulder out of the way and started to wipe away his climax from her skin. She glanced back over her shoulder as he dabbed at her skin and bit her bottom lip. 

“Who’s blood is it?” she asked quietly. 

“Hm?” Dean pressed, stopping what he was doing for a second. 

“Who’s blood is on your face? What happened?” Dean sighed and dropped the towel. 

“I had to take care of business.” She froze.

“How?” she swallowed hard. 

“I followed an order.” Dean sighed and kissed the back of her shoulder. “Goodnight, baby.” He rolled onto his side, facing away from her and closed his eyes. 

“Night.” He heard her whisper back. 


	9. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: angst, aftermath of rough sex, talk of miscarriage, bleeding after sex, humiliation, dickish!dean, fluffy Sam
> 
> Chapter WC: 2108

**_Your POV_ **

You couldn’t sleep. You were laying awake on your side, watching Dean’s bare chest rise and fall in the moonlight that seeped through your window. He’d fallen asleep where he fell, not even bothering to wash the blood off of his skin, that was splattered on his face. Your mind was racing a million miles an hour as you wondered whose blood it was and what had happened. Had he gotten into a fight? He said he was just following orders. What did Negan have him do? He seemed tense when he’d returned, caught up in his own head, clearly because he barely regarded you. But you could understand what he needed and why he needed it. It had been weeks since the two of you connected in that way and with everything that had gone on, you needed to feel close to him now more than ever. Despite the pain that still throbbed deep in your stomach like the worst period pains you’d ever encountered, you wanted to give him what he clearly needed. 

It was no big deal, anyway. You just took several painkillers and soon the calm feeling washed over you, numbing not only your body but your mind. You liked when you couldn’t feel as much. You were sick of crying yourself to sleep once you knew Dean was dead to the world. You were fed up of locking yourself in the bathroom if you needed to cry when he was awake, and you were tired of lying to Sam and telling him everything was fine. Because it wasn’t. There was this hole in your heart for something -  _ someone -  _ that you’d never even met. Someone you loved but didn’t even know. Being with Dean both amplified and soothed the pain you still felt. Every time you looked at him you remembered what you’d lost and you craved his warmth to feel better. Knowing he felt the same way should’ve been bringing you closer together, but you hated to admit it felt like it was driving a wedge between you. And you couldn’t lose Dean too. 

You felt wet trickle between your legs and threw the covers back to notice blood pooling on the sheet beneath you. 

“Fuck,” you whispered, scrambling to get up so you didn’t ruin the sheets even more. You’d only stopped bleeding a few days before, after a rather long and heavy period that you were told was totally normal. Why were you bleeding again? Maybe it had just come back. “De,” you grumbled, nudging him to wake him up. 

Dean groaned. “What?”

“You need to get up so we can change the sheets,” you confessed, embarrassed.

“Why?” he squinted one eye open and looked over at you. “Oh fucking hell,” he complained, getting up.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” you defended.

“Okay, it’s fine,” he huffed. Maybe he was just tired, but it didn’t seem fine. This had happened a couple of times before, back in your old lives and he’d always been really sweet and understanding about it. But this time you just felt humiliated. “Do you need to clean up?” he asked with a yawn.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back.” You headed into the bathroom and set about cleaning yourself and putting on new clothes. When you returned, Dean was lazing back on the couch. You sighed and grabbed the sheets, changing them yourself. Luckily you had a spare pair in the cupboard in the corner of the room. Once the bed was remade Dean returned and climbed back in. 

“Night,” he told you, already closing his eyes. 

The sun started to rise a couple of hours later, bringing a warm orange glow into the room as you carefully got up, between your legs smarting from the previous night. You grabbed your pill bottle and only three fell into your palm.  _ Perfect.  _ Sighing, you swallowed them dry and made a mental note to visit the supplies store after breakfast. Dr Michaels had told you that you could stop taking them whenever you felt ready, but that wasn’t today. Dean disturbed behind you and you looked over your shoulder to see him get up. 

“Hey, you okay?” you asked quietly. 

“Yeah, slept well besides the disturbance, you?” He got up, scratching his chest as he rounded the bed and headed towards the bathroom. 

“Fine,” you lied. 

“Need the bathroom? I’m gonna shower before work.” You shook your head and Dean disappeared. 

You sat on the edge of the bed the entire time Dean was in the bathroom, wondering how you could get him to open up about what had happened on the scout the day before. You were biting your lip anxiously, hands gripping the edge of the mattress and squeezing tighter and tighter the longer you were waiting. Your fingers started to buzz and when Dean returned in just a towel you finally spoke up. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” you told him again. 

“It’s okay, can’t be helped,” he grumbled with a shrug. You nodded slowly, watching as he grabbed some clothes to put on. Cargo pants and a plain shirt. A stabbing pain radiated through your stomach made you hiss, but you ignored it, hoping the painkillers you’d just popped would kick in soon. 

“De, what happened yesterday? What were your orders?” you asked through the pain. Dean drew a deep breath, not even looking at you.

“Don’t worry your pretty little mind over it, sweetheart. What I do out there, I do to survive and keep us here where you can get better and have this nice room and food on your plate. Okay? You don’t need to concern yourself with that. Just let me provide for you.” 

“That’s not how we work, De. You know I’m not one of those housewives,” you complained. Dean glanced at you before looking back at his belt as he started to buckle it. 

“Well right now, you are. You need to be resting to get better,” he reminded you. 

“Let me come on the scouts with you. You know I’m a good fighter,” you pleaded, getting up far too quickly as another stabbing pain radiated through your lower half. Your knees buckled slightly and you clutched your stomach. Your cramps were far worse than normal, but that was probably understandable given the situation.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Dean demanded. 

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just let me scout with you,” you gasped for air. “I’m going crazy stuck here. Please, De.”

“It’s not up to me. Anyway, look at you, you’re in no state to go anywhere,” he retorted. 

“Oh but I’m well enough for you to fuck me?” you spat out before you realised what you’d even said. “Is that all I’m good for now? Hanging around this bedroom, waiting for you to need some stress relief?” 

“That’s what this is about?” he pressed, clearly unimpressed. “Darling, I checked you were okay, I asked if you were ready, you didn’t stop me.” 

“I know, I know,” you sighed, looking down to your feet. “But-” your words died in your mouth as you doubled over in pain. 

“Y/N?” Dean pressed, rushing to your side. 

“Get Dr Michaels,” you gasped out, tears in your eyes as you finally admitted defeat. The pain wasn’t just period cramps anymore, something was wrong. Dean rushed over to his radio, the one he’d acquired thanks to Negan, and turned the dial until he got through. You could barely concentrate on their conversation, it felt like someone had stabbed you, twisting the knife over and over again, deep in your womb. It was almost as bad as the first time, when you miscarried in the first place. Dean was back at your side once he’d gotten through and he guided you over to the bed and helped you lay down again. 

You didn’t have to wait long for Dr Michaels to arrive, Sam was hot on his heels and you weren’t sure how he found out, but he rushed into the room, looking far more concerned than anyone else did. 

“Is she okay? What’s happening?” he asked Dean immediately. Dr Michaels was at your side in seconds, Sam still standing in the doorway. 

“I don’t know,” Dean admitted. 

“Have you taken any painkillers, Y/N?” Dr Michaels asked. You nodded. 

“Yeah this morning. They’ve not helped,” you panted out, a sweat breaking out from the pain. “I’m bleeding again,” you told him. 

“Okay, let me look.” 

Dean made his way over to Sam and the two of them shared a hushed conversation, whilst Dr Michaels checked you over. 

“It seems like the healing process has been disturbed. Where your body was closing back up and the placenta was detaching from you, something has disrupted that and caused a second wave of bleeding. So have you been doing anything strenuous? Going for too many walks?” he asked. You glanced at Dean, embarrassed and he huffed a breath. 

“Yeah, probably,” you lied. 

“Okay, well it’s gonna take you another week or two at least to heal again. I’d recommend more meds and Y/N? Please take it easier.” You nodded, glancing at Dean again. 

You knew you weren’t ready for sex. You should’ve just been honest with Dean last night when he asked. But you wanted so badly to give him what he needed that you ignored your own body’s signals. This was on you. This was your fault. You only had yourself to blame. Dr Michaels left you alone with Dean and Sam.

“Are you okay?” Sam checked, stepping closer.

“Yeah, the pain is fading a little now,” you nodded. 

“I told you to take it easier,” he scolded softly. 

“It’s fine, Sam.” Dean was barely making eye contact with either of you, and you wondered if he felt guilty. Maybe he blamed himself for this. “Totally my fault. I need to learn my limits,” you confirmed. 

Dean’s radio buzzed and Negan’s voice bled into the room.

_ “And where the fuck is my favourite hit man?”  _

Dean grabbed the radio straight away. 

“I’m coming, Sir.” He glanced at you quickly. Hit man? Why was Negan calling him a  _ hit man?  _ You had so many questions you felt sick, though you wondered if that was partially because of the pain. “Are you okay now? I gotta go.” You felt disappointment twang in your chest that he was leaving so soon.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you lied. 

“I’m not scouting today, I’ll look after her,” Sam confirmed.

“Why not?” Dean pressed, grabbing his weapons belt and doing it up. 

“Think after yesterday, I’m off the list for a couple days,” Sam shrugged. Dean huffed.

“Alright, see you both later.” He was gone before you could even reply, leaving you and Sam alone. 

Once the door was closed Sam sighed and turned to face you completely. 

“What can I get you? Are you hungry?” he checked. 

“I’m fine, Sam,” you sighed, struggling to sit up more. As always, Sam was at your side in seconds, helping you get comfortable. You were quiet for a moment. “Sam?” you pressed. Sam’s hazel eyes fell on you and a tiny frown tugged at his brow.

“Yeah?” he prompted. 

“What happened yesterday?” Sam hesitated, taking a deep breath before sitting on the edge of the bed alongside your legs. 

“I fucked up,” he confessed. “I found a store room full of cans and food and I didn’t report it or take what I was supposed to. There were a lot of them in that place, they needed it more than we do here, so I pretended I didn’t see anything.” He looked down at his lap. “But, Simon also found it and they looted it. As it was my area Negan obviously knew what I’d done.” He drew a deep breath. 

“What did Dean do, Sam?” you prompted, afraid of the answer.

“Negan wanted to make a statement. They don’t hide from us.” He swallowed hard. “He ordered Dean to shoot one of them. Picked him randomly out of the crowd and made the demand.”   
“And?” you pressed, sickness sitting at the back of your throat. 

Sam didn’t reply for a long moment. 

“He did it, Y/N. No hesitations, no questions. He just shot him in the head. The man had a family. A wife and a baby.” Tears uncontrollably fell down your cheeks. It didn’t even seem like Sam was even talking about your boyfriend; the Dean you knew. 

“Dean?” you frowned, wondering if you’d even heard right. “No, Sam, he wouldn’t.” 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I wish it wasn’t true.” Sam had tears in his own eyes now. “He’s changing, and I don’t know how to stop it.” 


	10. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, talk of dub con, talk of murder, talk of miscarriage, fluffy Sam, talk of addiction, painkiller addiction, talk of getting high
> 
> Chapter WC: 2195

**_Sam’s POV_ **

Sam watched as tears spilled over Y/N’s eyes and down her cheeks. 

“What do we do?” she whispered. “Dean would’ve never done that before.” 

“I don’t know,” Sam sighed, honestly. He looked down to his lap. 

“It has to be the miscarriage, right?” she pressed, reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes. 

“Maybe,” Sam agreed. “Negan looks a lot like our father and Dean was always so eager to impress him and get his approval. Maybe he feels like that about Negan,” Sam offered with a shrug. Maybe that was the very reason that Sam didn’t trust Negan at all. 

“I can’t believe he’d do that. He didn’t flinch?” she checked. Sam drew a deep breath, shaking his head. 

“He just did it.” 

Y/N cried softly and Sam reached out for her hand in her lap, squeezing it comfortingly. 

“I’m not doing enough for him. I’m stuck in this fucking bed and I’m not being there for him. This is my fault,” Y/N explained through tears.

“No. No way Y/N, don’t say that,” Sam told her adamantly, “this isn’t on you at all. You’re doing plenty. You just lost a baby.” 

“So has Dean,” she sobbed. 

“But Dean isn’t physically getting better right now, this isn’t your fault, okay?” Sam pressed. 

“I’m not good enough for him. We can’t have sex right now, I couldn’t even keep his baby alive.” 

“No,” Sam shook his head firmly. “That isn’t your fault. You are plenty good enough for him, Y/N. Hell, you’re too good for him.” She looked up at him with wet eyes as Sam cupped the side of her face and stroked his thumb back and forth along her wet cheek. “You’re funny and beautiful and you’re so strong. What you’ve been through is awful and look at you, only caring about other people. You’re incredible,” he soothed, meaning every word. Fresh tears came to her eyes as she looked at him.

“Really?” she pressed. 

“Yes, sweetheart, I mean it,” he told her truthfully. “And fuck the sex. You are more than that, Y/N. He might be being an asshole right now, but Dean knows it too.” 

“It didn’t seem like it last night.” She blushed hard and Sam clenched his jaw.

“What do you mean?” he pressed. She looked down at their hands that were still holding each other as she started to play with his fingers. 

“He came back and he wanted to...you know. It was my fault because I lied and told him I was ready. He really seemed like he needed it.” 

“What? He’s the reason you’re like this today?” Sam pressed. 

“Like I said, it was my fault. I should’ve told him no. But I just wanted to do something for him, to make him feel better. I don’t have anything else to offer him right now.” 

Sam frowned. How could Dean even consider that with Y/N right now? After everything she was going through, knowing she was still healing?

“It’s not your fault, okay? He shouldn’t have come looking for it. I’m gonna talk to him and-”   
“Sam, don’t,” she pleaded. “Forget I said anything. I didn’t stop him, that’s on me. But next time I will, I promise.” Sam bit his tongue. It wasn’t his business, he knew it wasn’t. He had no right to talk to Dean or tell him or her when they could and couldn’t have sex. But he hated that Dean had put her in that position, with absolutely no regard for her. Sam wouldn’t dream of coming onto her first, not after something like that had happened. He’d have waited a year or until she was ready. 

“You have plenty to offer him that doesn’t include your body, Y/N, and if Dean doesn’t see that he doesn’t deserve you.” He hated speaking about Dean like that, but he reminded himself they were barely talking about his brother. They were talking about some guy that Dean was becoming. 

She nodded, unconvincingly, but Sam didn’t want to push anymore than he already had. She was no doubt exhausted, drained from everything she’d been through. His hand started to slip away from his face, but Y/N reached up and gripped his wrist to stop it. 

“Thank you, Sam,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for laying that on you. Dean’s your brother, you probably don’t want to talk about it.” 

“No, sweetheart, it’s fine. Anytime,” he reassured her. She smiled a little and nodded her head, reaching up for his own face as she brushed some hair out of his eyes. 

“You look tired,” she noted. Sam’s hand finally dropped to his lap as did hers. “Are you sleeping?” she checked. 

“Yeah,” Sam lied. He hadn’t slept a wink in days. He still didn’t feel safe enough to. She frowned a little, like she didn’t believe him but she didn’t ask any more questions. 

“Urm, Sam,” she whispered, looking down to her lap. “I understand if you don’t want to, but I could really do with a cuddle right now,” she admitted. Sam smiled warmly. 

“Of course,” he agreed, climbing onto the bed next to her and lifting his arm, so that she could lean into him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her against him, kissing the top of her head. “Everything’s gonna be okay, Y/N,” he whispered, his thumb stroking back and forth along her shoulder, “I promise.” 

-

When Sam opened his eyes he realised Y/N was still in his arms and he felt groggy, like he’d been asleep. But he never slept, so that couldn’t be right. He quickly looked down at Y/N, her arm draped lazily over his waist and her head was a little more relaxed against his chest, so he figured she was also sleeping. He drew a deep breath, his chest puffing out as he tried to move a little and wake his body up. It had been a long time since he’d slept more than five minutes and it felt like he’d slept quite deeply too from the way his muscles ached and his brain was foggy. Y/N disturbed and sat up, looking up at him through sleepy eyes. 

“Hey,” he smiled softly. 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” she croaked out. 

“No, don’t apologise,” he told her. 

“Did I sleep long?” she asked, rubbing her eyes. 

“I’m not sure, I slept too,” he confessed. He looked out the window, trying to place where the sun was in the sky, but couldn’t.

The bedroom door burst open and Dean walked through. As soon as his green eyes clocked Y/N and Sam on the bed together they narrowed. 

“What the fuck are you doing in bed with my girlfriend, Sammy?!” He roared. Blood stained his clothes and some had gotten onto his neck and Sam dreaded to think how it got there, or what  _ orders  _ Dean was obeying this time. 

“Dude, relax, I was just comforting her,” Sam laughed awkwardly as he got up, careful not to hurt Y/N. Dean squared up to him as soon as he was on his feet. 

“She’s  _ my  _ girlfriend, that’s my job,” Dean hissed. 

“Well you’ve not been doing a very good job,” Sam retorted, puffing out his own chest. 

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Dean growled.

“Boys, stop,” Y/N begged behind them. 

“Yeah, well maybe if you hadn’t messed up her recovery just so you could get your end in then she wouldn’t need comforting,” Sam snided. 

“Why the fuck would you talk about our sex life with someone else?” Dean barked at Y/N, “and not just anyone else, my own fucking brother?!” Dean’s eyes landed back on Sam. Sam scoffed.

“Wow, you don’t even feel guilty that she’s in this position because you couldn’t wait a couple more weeks to get your dick wet?” 

“Fuck you, Sammy. Don’t turn this around on me. I can have sex with my girlfriend whenever I damn well want to. It’s none of your business. You’re just jealous, aren’t you?” Dean smirked maliciously. Sam bit his tongue. He wasn’t - was he? Anyway, that was besides the point, regardless of his feelings for Y/N, moral or otherwise, Dean was still in the wrong.

“She was going to be the mother of your child. Treat her with some respect,” Sam told him, voice a lot lower so she wouldn’t hear. “You might be out there doing Negan’s dirty work, playing the bad guy and hey, you can even lay into me all you want, but I won’t tolerate you treating Y/N like shit. She deserves better and soon she’s gonna realise it for herself and leave you.” 

Sam stormed out of the room before Dean could reply. He felt so angry at the entire situation. He needed to calm down. As soon as he got outside, the fresh air hit him and he drew a large lungful, trying to remain composed, but everytime he thought of Dean hurting Y/N or compared how he is now to the Dean he was before, more anger pricked at Sam’s skin. He stormed over to the shower block. There was never a queue at this time of day. He gave his name to the man at the door and stepped inside, not even bothering to remove his clothes as he stood under the icy cold water in hopes it would calm him down. His whole body shivered as he drenched himself in it. 

When it finally stopped he felt much calmer, his jaw no longer as clenched, and his hands were only shaking from cold now, not anger. He stepped back into the warm summer’s air and inhaled deeply again, this time feeling more composed. His eyes clocked the building that held the supply store and he remembered Y/N needing more meds. He made his way over to it, letting himself in. The room was small, one man manning a counter, behind him all the supplies you could want. A large book sat open in front of him, but he was starting to recognise Sam now as he was always the one to do the meds trips. 

“More already?” he asked. Sam nodded with a sigh. The man made a note in his book and disappeared in search of the meds. When he returned he placed them on the counter and smiled slightly. 

“You know they’re addictive, right?” he asked. Sam stopped, picking them up and frowning. 

“What?” he pressed.

“Those. Highly addictive. Had a cousin in the real world who took them for a knee operation and ended up on them for six years,” he explained. Sam swallowed, looking down at them. He’d noticed Y/N was taking a lot but the doctor had never said it was bad, or mentioned they were addictive. Had he done that on purpose to keep them there? “Take enough of them and they can get you high. Take too many and they’ll kill ya,” he went on. 

“Okay, thanks,” Sam mumbled, leaving the room and staring down at them. He was suddenly in two minds about even giving her any more. He could lie and say they ran out. But she did genuinely need them sometimes. Maybe he could monitor her use of them, try and control how many she was taking. 

He could feel the anger bubble inside him again as he thought back to Dr Michaels and before he could change his mind he was heading towards the infirmary. 

“Sam, what’s up? Is everything okay with Y/N?” Dr Michaels asked the second Sam stepped foot into the room. Sam gripped his collar, pinning him against the wall.

“Did you do it on purpose?” he growled angrily.

“Whoa, do what, Sam?” he pressed with wide eyes.

“Did you give Y/N these knowing she’d get addicted? So we’d stay? Huh? Did Negan put you up to this?” 

“What? Sam… calm down.” Sam gripped his collar tighter. “Look, look, I’m not fully qualified, okay?” Dr Michaels confessed. “I did a few years at med school but that’s all. I don’t know all the drugs or what they do. I just knew that they would help her pain and I didn’t know about the addictive side, I swear, please don’t tell Negan.” 

The fear in his eyes made Sam step back. If he was that worried about Negan finding out then Negan clearly wasn’t involved at all. 

“Well what can she take that isn’t addictive?” Sam pressed. 

“Nothing, Sam, that’s the best we can do.” His eyes were still wide and fearful and Sam huffed, wishing he had a good enough reason to punch the guy in the face but he didn’t. He was only doing his job, the best he could do in a shitty situation. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t finish his training and it wasn’t his fault he was the most qualified in the community. Sam grit his teeth and huffed a breath before leaving the building. He was losing control of everything around him. He couldn’t save the people he loved most and he hated it. 


	11. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, Negan being inappropriate, talk of murder, arguing, manipulation
> 
> Chapter WC: 2758

**_Dean’s POV_ **

“What the fuck took you so long?” Negan bellowed across the lot at Dean as he approached. There was a wide, shit eating grin on his face that told Dean he wasn’t mad. “Thought my favourite fuckin’ shooter had skipped out on me.” Negan’s tongue came out to run along his bottom lip as Dean stopped in front of him. 

“Sorry Sir, trouble with Y/N,” Dean explained briefly. 

“Well fuck, son. Is she okay?” Negan checked. 

“Oh yeah, she’ll be fine,” Dean shrugged him off. “I’m ready when you are.” Negan stared Dean down for a silent moment before smirking again. 

“Alright, hop in front, you’re fuckin’ ridin’ with me today.” Dean nodded, doing as he was told and climbing into the driver’s seat of Negan’s truck. Negan liked to be driven to places, especially when it involved visiting other communities, except often it was Simon who drove. 

Negan’s right hand man in question was standing just a little away from the truck and as soon as his eyes clocked Dean they narrowed slightly. Negan opened the passenger door and lifted his hand, flicking his fingers to command everyone to get into a vehicle, a high pitched whistle bleeding through his lips to get everyone’s attention. People climbed into trucks and Negan slid into the passenger seat, propping Lucille up beside him. Dean waited as the gates opened before starting the engine and pulling off. It was silent in the truck for a few moments. Dean leaned his arm out of the open window as he drove, keeping his eyes focused on the road, until Negan clicked his tongue and broke the silence. 

“What your brother did yesterday wasn’t fuckin’ cool. But I fuckin’ appreciate how you handled the situation,” Negan told him. Dean could feel his eyes on him and he nodded. 

“You gave me an order, I obeyed it.” Negan chuckled slightly. 

“That you fuckin’ did. I fuckin’ like that. You’re a good fighter, best I’ve had in a long fuckin’ time.” Dean didn’t respond, keeping his eyes on the road. “So your girl is almost fuckin’ better now, right?” he added, “back to full fuckin’ health and all that shit.” 

“Dr Michaels said a couple more weeks,” Dean explained. He hadn’t told Negan yet that he planned on staying, even once Y/N was better. He was sure he could convince her. 

They had it good here, they had it better than they’d had it in a long time and Y/N seemed far more relaxed than he’d ever remembered her being in this new world. Sam was the issue. Sam was the one that needed more convincing. But Dean couldn’t see his brother leaving him, or Y/N for that matter. If there was one good thing to come from his unhealthy attachment to Y/N, it was that Sam wasn’t going to go anywhere without her. Dean’s grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly at the very thought. 

“Well not that I’m fuckin’ glad she’s not better yet but I am glad you’re sticking around. You’re fucking useful and it never hurts havin’ eye candy,” Negan chuckled lowly. Dean’s eyes left the road for a brief second to see Negan’s shit eating grin. Y/N was gorgeous, Dean obviously thought she was anyway, and he’d noticed the attention she’d get from other men. It had always made him a little jealous, even though she’d never shown an interest in any of them. But the idea of Negan finding Y/N attractive stirred a different type of emotion in Dean. He was proud. Proud that Negan approved of his girlfriend. 

“I’m fuckin’ telling you, son. Y/N is the kind of girl I’ll hate to see leavin’, but I’ll fuckin’ love watchin’ her go, you know what I mean?” Negan laughed heartily and Dean forced his own chuckle. 

“She’s my girl,” Dean pointed out, less than subtly, “you don’t have to tell me twice.” Negan clicked his tongue. 

“No I fuckin’ do not. You know better than all of us how fine that ass is. Bet it’s fuckin’ tight, huh? Sweet little thing like that.” He started humming in approval, smacking his lips together. “Man, I’m tellin’ you, if I brought Y/N into the den, my other wives would be fuckin’ tripping over themselves. We’d have a lot of jealous ladies on our hands.” 

Dean swallowed, focusing back on the road. 

“C’mon, Dean, don’t tell me you’re fuckin’ shy about it. If I was sinkin’ my cock into somethin’ like that every night I would be a kiss and fuckin’ tell guy for sure. You don’t wanna fuckin’ brag about it?” Dean bit his bottom lip anxiously. 

“Yeah, it’s good.” Dean shrugged his shoulders.

“Fuckin’  _ good _ ? That’s all you gotta say about that piece of ass you’ve got yourself?” 

“What do you want me to say?” Dean pressed. 

“Tell me what it’s like, how does she feel? Is she tight? Oh fuck. Is she freaky? Because fuck, it’s always the quiet ones,” Negan laughed. 

“She’s not quiet, let me tell you,” Dean scoffed. 

“Oh so she’s bossy, huh? She likes control in the bedroom?” Negan pried. 

Dean forced a laugh. Even before his younger brother became the only guy that he talked to, Dean had never been a big bragger when it came to his love life. Especially not once it concerned Y/N. It felt strange to be talking about it with Negan. He barely knew him, but something inside him wanted Negan to like him so much, he was willing to step out of his comfort zone. 

“I mean, she fucking tries, but I don’t let it get that far,” Dean bragged with a smirk. 

“Yes, that’s what I’m fuckin’ talking about! Gotta put them in their place sometimes.” 

“Yeah, exactly,” Dean agreed, clearing his throat. 

“So, is she kinky? Let you tie her up, slap her around a little?” Negan smirked. Dean glanced at Negan, feeling a blush grow on his cheeks. There was a twinkle in Negan’s hazel eyes and Dean felt like he was gonna let Negan down somehow if he said no. 

“Oh yeah,” he lied. 

“Fuckin’ knew it. Fuck, something about the quiet, innocent ones. They’re all fuckin’ freaks.” Dean kept quiet, thankful to find they were close now as he recognised a couple of dilapidated buildings. “You’re a lucky son of a bitch, you know that?” Negan smirked over at him. “Fuck, I’d love to show her a good time.” Dean’s grip tightened once more, the jealousy niggling at him just slightly, but there was also a sense of smugness washing over him. “If you were ever offering. But hey, she’s yours. Not gonna fuckin’ overstep.” The shit eating grin on Negan’s face told Dean he wasn’t joking, but Dean laughed like he was anyway.

“We’re here, boss,” he announced, happy to change the subject. 

-

“I fuckin’ hate when my girl gets dirty,” Negan complained as he slumped into the passenger seat. Dean used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe the blood from the side of his face before getting into the truck. Lucille was, once again, propped up beside Negan, dripping with blood. Dean started the truck and waited for the gates to open, Simon’s truck leading the way back to the Sanctuary. “You’re fuckin’ quiet,” Negan noted. “You’re not upset about what happened back there are ya?” Dean glanced at Negan quickly.    
“No, Sir,” Dean reassured him, “they’ve gotta learn somehow, right?” he asked, swallowing slightly.

“Damn fuckin’ right they do,” Negan announced loudly. “You know, Dean, I know you wanna fuckin’ leave and I’m not gonna fuckin’ stop you, but you know if you stayed, I could see a place for you right alongside me,” Negan commented casually. 

“Isn’t that Simon’s place?” Dean asked. 

Negan was quiet for a moment before chuckling under his breath. 

“Simon ain’t got shit on you, son. Simon wants to work with me not for me. But you-” Negan turned himself slightly in his seat to face Dean, a smirk spreading through his salt and pepper beard, “-you’re fuckin’ smarter than that. You know your room isn’t even the nicest in the compound? I could get you fuckin’ nicer.” Dean didn’t need to be tempted or bribed with promises of better than what is already a great room, but he figured it would certainly help convince Y/N and Sam. Sam was still staying in the room they were assigned to first night. “And if your fuckin’ brother starts getting with the fuckin’ programme then, fuck, he can get an upgrade too.” It was like Negan was reading Dean’s mind. 

“I want to stay, just need to convince Y/N and Sam. They don’t trust you as much as I do yet.” Dean admitted. 

“I fuckin’ get it.” Negan sat back and sighed heavily. Dean let the silence grow again. “So if it’s not the fuckin’ head bashing then what is it, hm?” Negan prompted. Honestly, Dean was just tired and he was battling with himself over whether or not he should be feeling guilty about what had happened to Y/N that morning. He’d checked she was ready and she hadn’t said no, she’d let him get on with it. Looking back now, Dean should’ve realised she wasn’t comfortable and a little hesitant, but he needed it. He needed to let out some frustrations. Maybe it was wrong of him to use Y/N for that, but he wasn’t to know it would hurt her like it did. It wasn’t his fault, right? 

“It’s not because of what I said about your fuckin’ girl is it? Because, son, it’s a fuckin’ compliment.” Negan whistled, clicking his tongue. “But I’m sorry if I fuckin’ crossed a line. I can’t help myself when I see something I want. And I’m so used to getting my own fuckin’ way. Most of my best men know how to share, do you understand what I’m fuckin’ sayin’?” Dean knew exactly what Negan was saying but he didn’t know how he felt about that. He wanted to please Negan, he wanted to be on Negan’s good side, eager to impress him. But the idea of Y/N being with someone else had never sat right with him. The last thing Dean wanted was for Negan to think he was upset with him. “And I just thought you were fuckin’ cool about that shit. I mean, I’ve seen the way your brother looks at her sometimes.” 

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine with it.” Dean shrugged him off, wanting to seem like the person Negan clearly thought him to be.    
“Well that’s fuckin’ good to know.” 

-

Dean made his way back to his room feeling confused. He didn’t want Negan to touch Y/N but he also wanted to keep Negan happy. He knew far too well what happened to people who pissed Negan off, and there was still that part of him eager to impress him. He knew Y/N would have something to say about it too. They had never even discussed either of them sleeping or being with someone else since being together. Not even as some taboo, naughty fantasy. But Dean was tired, he was barely thinking straight. He just wanted to crash and forget all about Negan and Y/N being sick and Sam’s weird obsession with his girlfriend. He wondered if he had enough points for a beer. He could definitely go for one. He shoved the door open, dragging his feet as he entered the room, only to look up and see Y/N and Sam sitting up on the bed together, lounging back.

Dean internally groaned, too tired to even deal with this shit, but he couldn’t bite his tongue either. 

“What the fuck are you doing in bed with my girlfriend, Sammy?!” He roared. 

“Dude, relax, I was just comforting her,” Sam laughed awkwardly as he got up. As soon as Sam started to approach him, Dean puffed his chest out angrily. 

“She’s  _ my  _ girlfriend, that’s my job,” Dean hissed. Who did Sam think he was, comforting  _ his  _ girlfriend? 

“Well you’ve not been doing a very good job,” Sam retorted, squaring up to him. Dean saw red. 

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Dean growled.

“Boys, stop,” Y/N begged from the bed, but Dean ignored her. 

“Yeah, well maybe if you hadn’t messed up her recovery just so you could get your end in then she wouldn’t need comforting,” Sam snided. Dean felt the humiliation flush over his face as his green eyes narrowed and looked past Sam to Y/N. 

“Why the fuck would you talk about our sex life with someone else?” Dean barked at her, “and not just anyone else, my own fucking brother?!” Dean’s eyes landed back on Sam. 

Sam scoffed. “Wow, you don’t even feel guilty that she’s in this position because you couldn’t wait a couple more weeks to get your dick wet?” 

“Fuck you, Sammy. Don’t turn this around on me. I can have sex with my girlfriend whenever I damn well want to. It’s none of your business. You’re just jealous, aren’t you?” Dean taunted, knowing exactly what Sam’s problem was with him having sex with his own girlfriend. 

“She was going to be the mother of your child. Treat her with some respect,” Sam told him, voice a lot lower this time. “You might be out there doing Negan’s dirty work, playing the bad guy and hey, you can even lay into me all you want, but I won’t tolerate you treating Y/N like shit. She deserves better and soon she’s gonna realise it for herself and leave you.” 

_Better like you?_ Dean wanted to retort but before he could, Sam had stormed out. How fucking _dare_ Sam even suggest that he didn’t have any respect for Y/N. He was seething as he gripped the door and slammed it shut behind him. 

“De, please Sam was just being a good friend,” Y/N tried to defend him, struggling to sit up straighter.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it, Y/N. You and him are getting too freaking close for comfort, I don’t like it,” Dean growled. She drew a deep breath.

“Sam’s the only person I’ve got, Dean.”   
“You’ve got ME!” Dean roared. She jumped, wincing in pain as she did so. 

“I meant besides you. Dean, nothing is going on, I promise you. He’s just trying to help me, you left so-”

“So this is my fault? Don’t turn this around on me, Y/N,” Dean warned. 

“I’m not, Dean. I’m not,” she sighed.

“I was out there doing a job!” 

“I know Dean, but you’re changing. I know you killed that guy without any questions. And I know you’re going down a dark path and if you don’t stop now, then maybe we’ll lose you forever.” Dean saw the tears in Y/N’s eyes but refused to back down, feeling too riled up. 

“I’m doing it to give you all this luxury,” he grunted.

“I don’t need this luxury, Dean! I need you. I need the person that I fell in love with, not some guy that kills another human being without even hesitating.” Dean grit his teeth, hating the truth in Y/N’s words. She was right, he was changing, he was adapting to this new world but it was necessary. 

“You don’t need this? You need this comfortable bed to help with the pain? What about the running water and shower to wash yourself off when you’re bleeding? What about the food that’s getting you better? What about these, huh?” Dean marched over to her nightstand and grabbed her painkillers. “You don’t need these anymore? Shall we go back out there, huh? Where you were dying? The place that made you lose our baby? Is that what you want?!” Tears streamed down Y/N’s cheeks as she looked up at him, bottom lip quivering. 

“No,” she finally whispered. “I’m sorry, De. I’m sorry. I love you, I didn’t mean - I know you’re doing this for me,” she choked out. Dean was breathing heavily as he started to calm down. 

“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled as he placed her pill bottle back down and rubbed his hands over his face. He climbed onto the bed alongside her and lay his head on her stomach, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m sorry, baby.” He felt her run her fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay, De,” she soothed. “We’re gonna be okay.”


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst
> 
> Chapter WC: 2133

**_Your POV_ **

  
  


Every day had been the same for the last three weeks. Dean would go out with Negan and come home covered in someone else’s blood. You had stopped asking questions after a while, too afraid of the truth and deciding ignorance is bliss. You kept telling yourself it was for you, he was doing all of it for you. He was still the same Dean that you fell in love with all those years ago. He was just surviving like everyone else. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself, every time he’d burst through the door smear crimson over his skin in an attempt to wash it off. That’s what you told yourself every time he took his left over frustrations out on your body, fucking you into the mattress until you couldn’t move. That’s what you told yourself every time he said something that upset you.  _ He was still the same Dean you fell in love with.  _

You’d healed completely now, luckily, able to get back to normal and you were eager to start earning your own keep. Dean had made it abundantly clear he didn’t want to leave, despite you now being able to, and had barely given you any say in the matter. At this point, you just wanted to make him happy. You just wanted to show your appreciation for everything he’d done for you. And you couldn’t deny that you’d somewhat gotten used to the comfortable bed and running water and regular meals again. Part of you dreaded the idea of leaving, going back to the way things were before Negan found you. Before he  _ saved you  _ as Dean would often put it. Sam was even less on board, but you knew he wasn’t going to leave on his own, so he stayed too. He didn’t go out and fight as much as Dean did, he often did other things to help out around the camp. You figured Negan didn’t trust him quite the same as he did Dean after him hiding the supplies he’d found. 

You knew no one stayed for free around here and now you were fit and healthy, you needed to do  _ something.  _ If nothing else, to stop you getting bored, waiting around Dean all day. Sam had been great company, he spent as much time with you as possible and you and him were even closer than before, much to Dean’s disapproval. You didn’t see the big deal. You and Sam had always gotten along well and Dean had never had an issue with it. To begin with, Dean had even encouraged it. But now, every time he came back to see Sam in your room he’d be extra uptight and his touch was extra rough. Dean would never hurt you, not intentionally. He’d never hit you or force you to do something you didn’t want to, you knew that. It was your own fault, anyway, because you never told him that you weren’t in the mood or that sometimes he was a little too rough. Dean’s happiness was all that mattered to you, you just wanted to make him feel better. 

Dean had been trusted enough to lead a scout without Negan that day, and so you’d decided to take the opportunity to talk to Negan about what you could do around the camp to help out. You’d riled yourself up for it all morning. You didn’t mind admitting that Negan scared the shit out of you. You knew he could turn nasty at any given second and you knew what he was capable of. But you were going to ask if you could be helpful, he couldn’t get angry about that, right? You gave yourself one final pep talk before you left your room in pursuit of Negan’s. You were going to ask him if you could start going on scouts with Dean. You’d thought long and hard about it all week. 

Although, you didn’t really want to witness what Dean was doing on those scouts you figured that maybe if you were involved, maybe if you saw everything and understood why he was doing what he was doing, it would help. And maybe spending more time with Dean would be good for you both. Since the new world started, before Negan found you, you, Dean and Sam hadn’t spent a single moment away from each other. So barely seeing him for hours on end, sometimes all night, was strange and maybe that was what was putting a strain on your relationship. Besides, you were a good fighter too. Despite being a ‘girl’ you held your own. 

You walked across the compound, heading towards the building where Negan’s office was situated. You stopped when you noticed Sam across the way, talking to some woman as they picked vegetables together and laughed amongst themselves. There was a pang of jealousy you were quick to quash. It wasn’t that you liked Sam in that way, but it had been a very long time since you’d had to share his attention with someone other than Dean. But you told yourself to be happy for him. It had been a long time since Jess had died and he deserved someone. He deserved to be happy. You smiled softly, watching their exchange before continuing to head for Negan’s office. 

You knocked confidently, despite feeling anything but and took a deep breath as you waited for him to reply. His deep voice bellowed behind the metal door and you pushed it open. 

“Well hell-fuckin’-o there little darling,” Negan chuckled, a wide grin on his face as soon as he saw you. You instantly regret your decision to speak to Negan alone, you’d forgotten the way he looked at you, not that Dean or Sam’s presence had ever dissuaded him. “What the fuck can I do for you?” His tongue ran slowly across his bottom lip as he linked his fingers in his lap. You stepped into his room and closed the door behind you, seeing the way his hazel eyes took you in.

“I don’t know if Dean’s told you, but I’m back to full health now,” you started to explain with a breathy, nervous voice. 

Negan’s smile only grew. “I can fuckin’ see that, sweetheart. You’ve never fuckin’ looked better.” He clicked his tongue and you ignored the compliment, feeling your skin crawl. 

“I’d like a job. I want to earn my own way here,” you somehow told him confidently. Negan bit down on his bottom lip for a moment and sat forward, resting his arms on his desk and clasping his hands in front of him. 

“And just how do you want to  _ earn your way,  _ doll? Because I can think of a fuckin’ few ways.” He sucked his teeth for a moment, letting his eyes roam your body. You crossed your arms over your chest in a feeble attempt to cover up a little and blushed, clearing your throat. 

“I want to scout with Dean,” you told him firmly. 

Negan was quiet for longer than you’d ever heard him be before, before he chuckled quietly, his hazel eyes sparkling.    
“And chip a fuckin’ nail?” he smirked. 

“I’m a good fighter, you can ask Dean or even Sam. I know what I’m doing,” you defended, feeling a little insulted at his response. 

“C’mon, sweetheart, fighting is no fuckin’ job for a pretty thing like you,” he tsked. “I’m sure I can think of something much better.” You pursed your lips, unimpressed that you weren’t being taken seriously. 

“You think I can’t hold my own?” you pressed, not even thinking about who you were challenging. 

Negan rose to his feet slowly and when suddenly he gained height on you, you felt yourself shrink into submission, your stomach knotting. He rounded his desk, a dangerous look in his eyes as he approached you before slowly sitting down on the table edge, directly in front of you. He crossed his legs at the ankles and folded his arms over his chest. His tongue slowly ran along his bottom lip as he stared at you, the room fell so silent you felt nauseous. 

“I’m sure you fuckin’ can, sweetheart,” he nodded, breaking the uneasy quiet. “But I don’t fuckin’ want you out there every day, I don’t want Dean worrying about you or me for that fuckin’ matter.” You drew a deep breath, deciding against arguing about that. Maybe he was right, especially from where he stood, you being on scouts might distract Dean and that wasn’t a good move for Negan. 

“So what do you propose I do?” you asked quietly. 

Negan rose to his feet again, stepping closer to you. The smell of musk and wood filled your nose and you had to tip your head back slightly to look at him properly. He reached up, his calloused fingertips brushing up your bare arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake as your whole body stiffened slightly. 

“A smart fuckin’ girl like you… I think you can guess a few fuckin’ things,” he hummed. You looked down at his hand and drew a deep breath. 

“I- Dean would-” You struggled to reply, not sure what to say. You felt like you couldn’t say no to him, not when he could easily kill you. You felt pathetic reminding him that you had a boyfriend when you knew he was very well aware; it clearly didn’t deter him. But you couldn’t say yes either. 

“I think we could fuckin’ make a nice little deal between the two of us, one that worked for fuckin’ both of us,” he added. 

“No,” you forced out. “I’m not that kind of girl.” Negan still didn’t seem put off as he reached up and curled a finger under your chin, tipping your head back some more. 

“You don’t even fuckin’ know how good you could have it,” he told you quietly. 

“I don’t care. I won’t cheat on Dean,” you told him adamantly. Negan’s hand dropped and he laughed, the sound making your stomach tense even more. 

“Dean knows the price you gotta pay to stay here, to keep his family safe and well and  _ happy,”  _ he told you calmly. “The question is, sweetheart, are you willing to make the same sacrifices?”

-

Your head was spinning as you left Negan’s office. You could still feel the ghost of his touch on your body, your arm and chin tingling and it made you wince. You could never do that to Dean, especially not with someone like Negan. Dean hated you even being too close to Sam, imagine his reaction if he thought you were willing to have sex with the leader of the camp just to stay living here. You weren’t that kind of girl. You’d rather be back out, dying in that forest than succumb to him. But something hadn’t sat right with you since he’d said it.  _ Dean knows the price you gotta pay to stay here, to keep his family safe and well and happy.  _ Like he was suggesting that if you said no that it wasn’t just you that you’d be putting in danger. What if Dean or even Sam suffered because of this? 

You kept your head down as you made your way back to your bedroom, too absorbed in your thoughts to notice anything or anyone around you. You felt sick, so sick your stomach physically hurt. You kicked open your bedroom door and immediately went to your nightstand. But they weren’t there. They’d been going missing a lot recently, showing up in the most random places. Usually Sam would find them for you, handing you two. Two were never enough. You needed more. You needed enough to make you numb, enough to stop the emotional pain too. You searched frantically, ripping the bedsheets away, getting down onto your hands and knees as you looked under the bed and behind the cabinet, but you couldn’t see them anywhere. 

“Y/N, hey, are you okay?” You glanced over your shoulder to see Sam in the doorway, his hair slightly over his eyes as he panted, like he’d ran to catch up with you. “I called your name all the way across the compound.” He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “What’s happened?” he pressed. 

“Nothing, Sam, I just need some meds, I’m in pain,” you lied. “Help me look for them, will you?” Sam hesitated. “Sam! Please!” you begged. “I’m hurting.” 

“You’re not, though, are you, sweetheart?” Sam pressed gently. 

“Yes, I am,” you told him stubbornly, climbing back to your feet once you’d concluded they weren’t under the bed. “How would you even know?” You glared at him.

“Y/N, listen to me,” Sam told you gently as he approached. “You don’t need them for the pain. I think you’re addicted.”


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: light fluff, flirting, angst, talk of addiction, arguing, confessions
> 
> Chapter WC: 2093

**_Sam’s POV_ **

“I think you’re doing it wrong.” Sam frowned at the voice behind him as he glanced over his shoulder to see a girl standing behind him with her hand on her hip. Her blonde hair was pretty long, flowing gently in the breeze and she smirked down at him whilst waiting for a response.

“Wrong? I’m picking tomatoes, how can I do that wrong?” he scoffed a laugh. She only smirked harder as she approached him and got down onto her knees beside him, reaching for another ripe tomato. 

“If you twist and tug they come off easier,” she explained, demonstrating what she meant before she dropped it into his basket.

“It’s hardly gonna make a difference,” Sam defended, grabbing one and doing it her way anyway, just to test it out. The tomato practically fell into his hands with minimal effort. Okay, so it was easier, but his way wasn’t exactly hard either. 

“Trust me, when you’ve done as many as I have, you’re gonna wanna take as many shortcuts as possible,” she giggled. Her brown eyes sparkled at him before she reached for another one and started to help him with the picking. “I’m Cassie by the way,” she smiled warmly at him. 

“Sam,” he nodded. 

“Not seen you around much, Sam. You’re new right?” she pried. 

“Urm, yeah, fairly, came in a few weeks back with my brother and his girlfriend,” Sam explained. 

“Just the three of you?” she asked. 

“Yeah, urm, we lost some along the way, you know how it goes,” he laughed sadly.

“Unfortunately, I do. Negan saved us months ago.” 

Sam let the silence grow between them, lingering on her choice of words  _ saved.  _ Maybe there was still something about this place he wasn’t seeing, maybe he hadn’t been brainwashed enough yet. Maybe Cassie hadn’t seen first hand how ruthless Negan could be. 

“So you don’t normally do gardening,” she spoke up again as she started to tend to another plant. Carrots by the look of it. 

“Urm no, still trying to find a place to fit in,” Sam nodded a little. 

“Your brother is Dean, right?” she pressed.

“Yeah, how do you know his name?” 

“Are you kidding? Everyone knows his name now. He’s favourite to take Simon’s place next to Negan. Apparently there’s been tension between them for a while and Dean’s a perfect replacement.” 

Sam looked at her for a moment, not sure how he felt about that new information. The last thing they needed was Dean getting some power trip, becoming second in command of this place. He definitely wouldn’t leave them and it would probably make him even more ruthless. 

“So how come you’re not going on scouts with them?” Cassie pried some more. 

Sam scoffed and shook his head, “long story.” 

“Oh you’re not a pussy are you?” she gasped, “big strong, tall man like you afraid of the outside?” Sam’s mouth fell open and he started laughing hard. She giggled along, telling Sam she was only joking. 

“No, nothing like that,” Sam confirmed. “My urm, sister in law, I guess you could call her has been through a lot recently and she needs someone around more. Dean’s always out with Negan, so I’ve decided to try and be there.”

“That’s nice. She’s lucky to have you.” Cassie smiled fondly at him and he returned it. 

“Yeah, I’m trying my best.”

-

He and Cassie talked for a little while longer whilst they tended to the vegetable garden and Sam was starting to get a feeling that she might have liked him. Either that, or she was just a pretty flirty person. But Sam wasn’t particularly interested. She was attractive, and he was enjoying spending time with her, but he wasn’t really looking for someone. 

“So, urm, what did you do back in the real world?” Cassie asked. Sam caught sight of Y/N over his shoulder and frowned, noticing she seemed stressed. She was walking so quickly through the compound, keeping her head down, heading away from the building Negan’s office was situated in. 

“Excuse me,” Sam mumbled, climbing to his feet. 

“Y/N?” he called across the lot, but she carried on walking. “Y/N!” Sam yelled louder. She headed into the building that her room was in and Sam quickly followed after her, jogging a little. “Y/N, wait!” he called out. But he was ignored again. She was quick, already making it the whole way down the corridor before he’d even got to the door. Sam headed towards her room and when he finally reached it he could see her on her hands and knees by her bed. 

“Y/N, hey, are you okay?” Sam panted slightly, watching as she looked back over her shoulder at him. “I called your name all the way across the compound.” He explained as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “What’s happened?” Y/N had a look of panic on her face as she shook her head. 

“Nothing, Sam, I just need some meds, I’m in pain.” Sam could tell she was lying from the way her forehead creased a little. He drew a deep breath and tried to remain calm. “Help me look for them, will you?” The truth was, Sam had purposefully been hiding them, or even taking them back and forth with him to try and stop her reaching for them every few hours. Ever since he’d found out they were addictive, he’d noticed more and more how many she took and how often she claimed to be in pain when she’d seemed fine before then. 

“Sam! Please!” Y/N begged, snapping him out of his thoughts. “I’m hurting.” Sam sighed and stepped towards her. She seemed stressed and he didn’t want to lay this on her now, but she needed to hear it. They needed to talk about this. Whatever had just happened was probably the whole reason she wanted the drugs in the first place. 

“You’re not, though, are you, sweetheart?” Sam pressed gently, careful not to upset her more. 

“Yes, I am,” she replied stubbornly, climbing back to her feet. “How would you even know?” she glared. 

“Y/N, listen to me,” Sam told her softly, getting closer still. “You don’t need them for the pain. I think you’re addicted.” He watched the way her face twisted into a frown and she set some distance between them, scoffing like the idea was ridiculous as she shook her head. 

“They’re only painkillers, Sam, it’s not like we’re talking about crack here,” she defended. 

“Y/N they’re addictive painkillers, the doctor told me. You’ve been taking too many, it could kill you.” She glared at him.

“How would you know how many I’ve been taking?” she spat out. 

“Because I’m the one that gets your damned refills! When Dr Michaels prescribed them he said they’d be enough to last you a couple of weeks. You’ve been through four bottles in a month.” Y/N clearly didn’t want to hear it as she started to pace back and forth. “You’re only supposed to take two at a time. I’ve seen you take five before now,” he added. 

“Oh so you’ve been watching me?” Sam sighed heavily, she was trying to turn this around on him, make him the bad guy, but he wasn’t going to back down. “You’re the reason the bottle has been going missing aren’t you? Are you trying to control me?” 

“No, Y/N, I’m not trying to control  _ you,  _ I’m trying to control how many of them you take.” 

“How dare you! You don’t have a right to do that! This is my body!”

“I don’t want you to end up dead, Y/N!” Sam shouted back. 

Y/N stopped, taking a deep breath and looking down at her feet.

“I’m not addicted, Sam, they just help and sue me for wanting to be okay.” She could barely look at him as she shuffled her feet back and forth. 

“Sweetheart, I’m not judging you, I’m just trying to help you,” he defended, stepping closer again. He dared to reach out for her, stroking her arm. 

“Well I don’t need your help, Sam!” She cried out, shrugging him off of her. She glared up at him. “You’re not my boyfriend, Dean is. I’m not your responsibility.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m not-” Sam stopped and drew a deep breath, trying to gather his thoughts before he continued. “I care about you, both of you and I’m trying to do whatever I can to help you both. Dean is going off the rails, you know he is. He’s gonna end up getting himself killed out there and if he does, I can’t lose you too, not to some overdose.” 

Y/N was silent for a long moment as tears welled in her eyes. 

“I can’t deal with this right now, Sam please. If you want to help then  _ please  _ just let me have my painkillers,” she pleaded desperately. 

“What happened, Y/N? Talk to me. Is it something to do with Dean?” Sam asked. “Did he hurt you again?” 

“No! No…” Y/N sniffled, shaking her head. 

“Then what?” Sam pressed. “Was it Negan?” She shuffled her feet again so Sam got his answer. “What did that son of a bitch say to you?” Sam grunted. 

“Nothing, Sam. It’s none of your business,” she spat out through gritted teeth. Sam was a little taken aback by her words. She’d never been so closed off before. 

“I’m just trying to help, Y/N,” he told her again. 

“I’ve already told you Sam, I don’t need your help. Quit acting like my boyfriend. You are so possessive and protective of me and you think you’re helping but you’re not. It’s suffocating. You don’t leave me alone! You’re always just so  _ nice  _ to me. I’m with Dean. I love  _ Dean.  _ You know the other day when Dean said you were jealous, I thought he was just angry but now I can see what he means. It’s like you’re in love with me or something!” Y/N finally stopped her rant, panting at the end of it as her eyes glared up at him. Sam was speechless, everything she had said swirling around his brain and scrambling his thoughts. 

He cared for Y/N, a lot. Maybe more than he should’ve, maybe there were feelings there that there shouldn’t be. Maybe she was right. But he also knew a lot of it was just the anger talking, because she was probably hoping she’d upset him enough that he’d willingly hand over her meds and tell her to take the whole lot. Sam tried to remain calm. 

“You’re right,” he confessed quietly. “I am protective of you. Someone’s gotta be. Dean is far too wrapped up in his grief right now to be there for you. I’m trying-”

“No, don’t turn this around on Dean.” He knew she was right. He was just using Dean’s issues as an excuse to get closer to her. He was falling for her and no matter how much he tried to deny it or stop it, it was only getting worse. 

“Okay, you’re right. You’re right about everything, Y/N. I’m sorry. I’ll take a step back.” A sudden sadness washed over her face, like that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But Sam didn’t know what else he could do. “If you truly feel that way, that I’m trying to replace Dean, that I’m suffocating you, then I’m sorry.” 

“Sam I-” her voice cracked, barely above a whisper as a tear trickled down her cheek. Sam so desperately wanted to reach up and brush it away, he hated seeing her cry. “No, I don’t want that,” she confessed. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to be there for me. I appreciate it, because you’re right, Dean’s not around much at the moment.” Sam sighed heavily. “I’m sorry I said you were in love with me.” She blushed hard. “I know you’re not.” Sam opened his mouth to defend himself but couldn’t bring himself to lie. “Right?” she pressed, looking up at him with wide, wet eyes. Sam stammered on words. “Sam, I’m with Dean,” she told him, like he didn’t already know how messed up this was. 

“I know,” he said quietly. She opened her mouth to speak again but the door opening cut her off and Dean strolled into the room, splattered in blood as usual. 

“What’s going on here then?” he pressed, looking between them both as the guilt swam around Sam’s stomach. 


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, talk of murder, talk of affair, talk of cheating, manipulation, smut, p in v
> 
> Chapter WC: 2313

**_Dean’s POV_ **

Dean used the sleeve of his combat jacket to rub at the blood drying on his cheek as he hauled himself out of the van. He watched as the other started to unload the trucks from their collection.

“Good work today guys, and we barely had to get our hands dirty,” he smirked. Simon’s beady eyes narrowed as he clocked them from a little across the way. He swaggered over like he thought he owned the place and Dean just loved the fact that his first solo mission had been a total success so he could rub it in the prick’s mustache. “Everything went great, gentle persuasion got them coughing up our fifty percent. Don’t worry about telling Negan, I’ll do it myself.” Dean could barely contain the gloating tone to his voice as he clapped a hand on Simon’s shoulder and passed him before the guy could even say a word. 

He chuckled to himself as he headed towards his room. Simon thought he was God sent. He thought he was next in line and Dean wouldn’t put it past the guy to try and overthrow Negan one day. But Dean had spent enough time with Negan now to know there were definitely issues there. Negan didn’t trust Simon as much as he let on. Negan kept his enemies close, he was a smart guy, he knew Simon needed to be kept in line. 

Dean rounded the corner and approached his room, opening the door to see Y/N and Sam stood talking to each other. Y/N looked emotional and Sam looked fearful, like Dean had walked in on something he shouldn’t have. He internally sighed at the sight of his girlfriend and brother having yet another  _ moment.  _ Dean didn’t want anything to ruin his good mood though, so he put on a smile and kept his tone cheerful. 

“What’s going on here then?” Sam swallowed hard and Y/N looked down to the floor, before turning her back on the both of them. 

“Haven’t seen my meds have you, baby?” she asked him, the shake in her voice was evident, no matter how hard she had clearly tried to hide it. 

“No, you in pain?” he pressed, frowning slightly. Sam sighed heavily. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugged him off. 

Dean looked between the two of them again, able to cut the tension with the knife attached to his belt. What the hell was going on between them? Why was Sam looking so damn guilty?  _ Oh hell no.  _

“I’m gonna go,” Sam blurted out before Dean could say anything. Dean clenched his jaw as Sam passed him and left without another word, closing the door behind him.

“What happened?” Dean pressed Y/N. She glanced at him then away from him again quickly. Something’s happened between her and Sam, Dean just knows it. “Is there something you need to tell me?” He pried, shrugging off his jacket and toeing the boots off his feet. When he looked back at Y/N he could see that there were tears in her eyes yet again. 

“Yeah, sit down,” she instructed softly. 

Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to. Dean was fairly sure he was about to want to storm out of this room in pursuit of his little brother’s face to punch. He should’ve known this was coming. Sam was always better than him at  _ everything.  _ Why wouldn’t he be better at this whole relationship thing too? The one thing that Dean had found for himself, the scouting, being Negan’s up and coming right hand man, and Sam was still ruining that somehow. How dare Sam try and snoop in on  _ his girl  _ whilst he’s out there keeping them fed with a bed to sleep in. Dean could feel his fist clench at his side, his jaw getting tighter once more. 

“What did Sam say?” Dean grunted. Y/N frowned a little and licked her lips nervously. “What did Sam  _ do?” _ Dean changed the question. 

“Nothing, Dean, please sit down,” she sighed. She had perched herself on the edge of the bed, tapping the space alongside her softly. 

Dean wasn’t sure what she had to tell him if it wasn’t about Sam. What if she was leaving him? What if she was the one that had fallen for Sam? Dean could feel his head getting fuzzy as he considered what she could possibly need to tell him and decided that before he jumped to too many conclusions and got himself too wound up, it would be sensible of him to hear her out. He drew a deep breath and took a seat next to her. He watched as she played with her fingers in her lap nervously, not able to look him in the eye. Once more his mind told him she was leaving him and he voiced his theory immediately. 

“You’re breaking up with me, yeah?” he asked, his tone far more stand off-ish than he’d intended, but Dean was a proud guy. He didn’t want to admit how much the idea of her leaving scared him. 

“No, Dean,” she confirmed quickly. “It’s not that.” She drew a deep breath and started to pick at her thumbnail. “I went to see Negan today, about getting a job,” she explained softly. Immediately, Dean’s defences dropped a little, not too sure where she was going with this. 

“Okay,” he prompted. “Well what did he say?” She licked her lips nervously again and started to hug herself. Whatever it was wouldn’t be that bad, surely? What job could Negan possibly have Y/N doing that had made her this upset? Unless he wanted her to scout with Dean and she didn’t like the idea of witnessing what he did on scouts? 

“Baby, you know what this world is like now, we’re in a dog eat dog world. We gotta do what we’ve gotta do to survive. Whatever it takes, you know that don’t you?” Dean pressed. 

She looked up at him with wet eyes, her bottom lip shaking slightly. 

“I’ve done things that I’m not proud of, that I don’t want to do. But I’ve done it for us, for  _ you.”  _ She sniffled hard and choked back a sob. 

“This is different, Dean,” she whispered. “He wants…” she stopped and drew another breath. “He wants me to sleep with him.” Dean’s eyes widened a little. Negan had made comments before, he’d made it very obvious he was interested in Y/N and it had never bothered Dean, not really. Even when he flat out stated he wanted to sleep with her, it didn’t bother Dean too much. Negan got what he wanted, Negan liked people who shared their things. Keeping Negan happy was the way things stayed good for them. He knew it was a power move for Negan. It was completely different to Sam wanting her. It just was. 

“Are you mad?” Y/N’s shaky voice broke his train of thought. 

“What? No, why would I be mad?” he pressed. She frowned a little. 

“Because he wants me to have sex with him,” she reiterated. 

“Okay, well did you?”    
“No, of course not,” Y/N scoffed, almost insulted. 

“Then why would I be mad? You did the right thing, you talked to me before doing it,” Dean shrugged.

“I don’t want to,” she reassured him.

“We’ve all gotta do things we don’t want to do, Y/N. Do you think I want to kill these people?” 

More tears filled her eyes. “Dean, please. You’re talking like you want me to do it.” 

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “Baby, this is Negan we’re talking about, you’re gonna have to do it.”

Y/N rose to her feet immediately, as if to set some distance from him. 

“You know I’m right, Y/N.” He watched her pace as she shook her head. 

“Listen to yourself, Dean!” She turned around and glared at him. “You’re killing people, you want your own girlfriend to have sex with another man! Why are you doing all this for some asshole?!” Dean rose to his own feet abruptly and stormed up to her. 

“I’m not doing this for him, I’m doing this for you and Sam!” Dean bellowed in her face. “I’m doing this to keep the three of us here where we can survive!” Y/N stood her ground, her face set hard despite the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“This isn’t a price I’m willing to pay, Dean,” she choked out, “and it isn’t one you should be willing to pay either. I’d rather die out there.” 

Dean drew a deep breath, puffing out his chest. She just wasn’t seeing how good they had it here, how lucky they were. He’d seen other communities, saw how they were living, the Sanctuary was the best around. 

“Well I’d rather you didn’t. And you’re telling me that Negan’s proposition didn’t come with a counter offer?” Dean pressed stubbornly. Y/N’s face fell. If Dean knew Negan well enough, he knew he wasn’t shy of a little threat here and there to get what he wanted. He wasn’t sure what it was, but whatever it was had Y/N rendered speechless as she stared back at him. “Baby, I know that whatever happens between you and Negan that you love me and you’re doing your part in surviving, okay? I know that it’s nothing personal, I know you don’t love him or whatever. You’re keeping yourself and the people you love alive and safe, just like I’m doing. That’s why I’m okay with it.” 

“I don’t want to, De,” she whispered. 

“I know baby,” he soothed, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her in. “We’ve all gotta do things we don’t want to. But no matter what, you’re mine. I promise you that.” Y/N nodded against his chest and wrapped her arms around him. He smoothed her hair and held her close as she cried quietly against him, soaking his crimson stained shirt. “Look at me,” Dean demanded softly. She tipped her head back, looking at him through wet lashes. “You’re mine,” he reiterated.

“Always, De,” she agreed quietly. Dean leaned down and kissed her passionately, pushing his fingers through her hair as he guided them blindly back to the bed. He pushed her down until she was lying on her back and climbed over her. He pulled back and she looked him in the eyes, fresh tears filling them but he swallowed down her sob with another kiss as his hands started to roam her body. 

She started responding to the kiss far more passionately than before and Dean knew she needed him just as much as he needed her. Her hand gripped the back of his neck as she pulled him closer and hooked her leg over his hip. Dean’s hand pushed up her shirt and groped her chest through her bra as he started to grind his hips down between her legs. She moaned softly, already starting to fiddle with his belt and pants, trying to get them undone. Dean pulled back, ripping into her pants and tearing the shorts down her legs to her ankles as she kicked them off. He spread her legs wide with his hands on her inner thighs and she kept them open as he quickly got his erection free. He leaned back over her, gripping the base of his throbbing cock as he lined it up with her slick entrance. 

Y/N’s nails raked down his back through his shirt as he pushed his way inside until he was fully seated. Y/N whimpered as he grunted with the feeling of her warm, velvet walls clenching around him. 

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he groaned, gripping her thigh and encouraging her leg to wrap around his waist. He got slightly deeper this way which made her squeal a little as he nudged against her cervix. He pulled out slowly to the tip before slamming the whole way back inside, making her gasp for air, her back arching off of the bed. Dean reached for her face, gripping her chin to turn her face to his. “Eyes on me baby, keep those eyes on me.” Her Y/E/C eyes fluttered open, landing on him, the tears gone now, her pupils lust blown. Dean held her stare as he started to fuck her harder and faster, building the rhythm until the sound of their bodies meeting filled the room. 

The bed creaked beneath them, the feet scraping along the stone floor with a high pitched scratching sound, all mixing together with their heavy breathing and cuss words. Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard Y/N moan this loudly and the noise was already getting him close to the edge. 

“Oh god, De,” she whined, throwing her hands above her head and rolling her hips to meet his thrusts. Dean growled, the feeling of her clenching around him like that was getting him dangerously near. Her eyes rolled as she orgasmed around him, gripping him so tightly he had to stop thrusting for a moment. He watched her face twist beautifully in pleasure and smirked triumphantly before quickly pulling out, finishing across her stomach and shirt. 

He climbed off of her and the bed as she lay there and recovered with her hand holding her hair out of her face. She glanced down her body at him, her chest heaving as he started to put himself away. 

“Where are you going?” she asked, when Dean grabbed his boots. 

“I need to debrief Negan on the scout,” Dean informed her. She sat up, grimacing at the climax Dean had left behind.    
“Now?” she pressed.

“Yeah, I’ll be back soon though.” Dean smiled at her reassuringly. “Don’t wait up for me though, baby, if you wanna sleep.” 

“Right, okay,” she replied quietly before Dean left the room. 


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, coercion, emotional blackmail, manipulation, talk of drugs, taking drugs, intoxicated reader, smut under the influence, drinking, dub con, voyeurism, exhibitionism, cuckolding (somewhat dub con), blowjob, p in v
> 
> Chapter WC: 3715

**_Your POV_ **

  
  


Nothing more had been mentioned of Negan’s proposition since Dean had talked you into doing it. You still didn’t want to, you were still unhappy that your boyfriend was okay with it, but you knew that Dean somewhat had a point. Keeping Negan happy was wise. He spoke about it all like a business transaction, just a payment for the life of  _ luxury  _ you were now living. Although you’d have rather lived in that forest again, you wanted to make Dean happy and staying at the Sanctuary apparently did that. Dean finally seemed to be getting over the miscarriage and you didn’t want to take that away from him. He was talking to you again, calling you baby, wanting to have sex with you. It was almost back to the way things were before you even came here. Before everything bad started happening. You couldn’t do something to jeopardise that now. Not forgetting Negan’s ominous comments about if you didn’t do what he wanted. You’d never be able to live with yourself if Sam or Dean ended up hurt because you were being stubborn or frigid. The main thing was, Dean was okay with it. It wasn’t cheating if he was okay with it, right? Right. 

But now you’d decided you were going to go ahead with it, get it out of the way, you weren’t quite sure how to go about it. You didn’t exactly want to go looking for it, that seemed desperate and anyway, if you could get away with not doing it at all, that would be even better. Maybe Negan was pushing his luck. Maybe he was testing your loyalties to Dean. Would he be mad if he knew that you’d spoken to Dean about it? Was it meant to be a dirty little secret kept between the two of you? You had assumed that he and Dean had talked about it by now, being on three scouts together since then. You hated being so out of the loop about it all and you were too afraid to bring it back up with Dean again. You didn’t want to seem eager or give anyone the impression that this is what you wanted, because it definitely wasn’t. 

Luckily, before Dean left for a scout that morning, he was the one to bring it up this time. He was buckling his weapons belt, focusing on that and didn’t look at you once when he spoke up. 

“We are going to Negan’s room tonight.”

“We are?” you pressed, frowning slightly. “Why?” Dean glanced over at you for a split second before grabbing his knives and putting them in their appropriate holders. 

“Why do you think? You owe Negan something.” Your eyes widened at the realisation of what he was telling you. 

“We? You’re coming? You’re gonna be there?” you asked, feeling a huge sense of relief that Dean was involved. That would make things easier, wouldn’t it? You could focus on Dean, forget all about Negan. It would be fine. But what if it was awkward being with someone else in front of Dean? What if it made him jealous? Maybe it wasn’t a good idea. 

“Yeah, didn’t think I’d leave you alone, did you?” Dean walked over to you and smiled softly at you. You decided from the comforting look on his face that Dean being there was a good thing. He leaned down and kissed your forehead. “So take a shower, okay? I’ll see you later.” He left before you could reply and your head started to spin as you wondered what exactly was going to happen. Maybe they’d discussed this already, maybe there had been some rules set out between them. You wished you were let in on their conversations so you had a better idea of what to expect. But like everything recently, Dean pushed you out a lot. It was his way of coping, you knew it was. He always did that setting distance bullshit when he was hurt. But he was getting better, and soon you’d have  _ your Dean  _ back, you just knew it. 

-

You’d spent the day driving yourself crazy with anxiety about that night. You’d almost wished Dean hadn’t told you because you couldn’t stop feeling sick, playing the ideas over and over in your mind. You’d thought up every little thing that could go wrong, imagined yourself in a million different scenarios and hated every single one of them. But, you kept telling yourself  _ this time tomorrow it’ll be over.  _ You’d never had a threesome before. Once upon a time you’d thought about it, fantasised about what it would be like, but you’d never actually thought you’d have one. Particularly not with Dean and  _ especially  _ not with Dean and another man. Just the idea made you feel disgusting. What if people found out and thought you were a whore? What if  _ Sam  _ found out? You never wanted him to think bad of you. Not like that. You’d showered just to wash the shame off of what you hadn’t even done yet. 

You couldn’t sit still, the need for your meds was almost as overbearing as the anxiety and eventually, you gave in and went in pursuit of Sam, hoping he’d be around and would give in. You’d only need one. He’d give you one, right? You couldn’t see him at the allotment, which was where he usually was when he was out and about, so you headed towards his room, which was still one of the tiny stone rooms you were given when you first arrived. You felt bad that your room was so nice compared to his, but Sam had never complained. He always said he didn’t sleep much anyway and honestly, besides that one day when you fell asleep together, you’d never seen him sleep either. You arrived at his room, number ninety six, and knocked on the metal door, the clanging was loud enough to echo down the hall. 

You hugged yourself to keep the chill of the air away and waited, but there wasn’t any movement from the other side and given how echoey and quiet the entire building was you’d figured he’d have heard your knock and you’d have heard him responding if he’d have been inside. You glanced up and down the hall again before opening the door to his room. It was basic, small and damp. You’d forgotten how shitty those rooms where, having been so impressed with them when you’d originally arrived, considering they were better than the forest floor. He barely had any things, his toothbrush and spare clothes piled on his bed and there was his open rucksack underneath. You headed towards it and found your meds inside. There were around ten left. You knew stealing the whole bottle would be stupid, he’d notice and know you’d taken them, who else would it be? You also knew you couldn’t take too many or he’d notice. 

Screwing off the cap you poured three out into your palm. Three would do. Three would take the edge off. It had been days since you’d had any and weeks since you’d had more than one at a time, so hopefully three would hit the spot. You clutched them tight in your palm and replaced the bottle where you’d found it, leaving his room before anyone could spot you, particularly Sam. You speed walked across the compound, back towards your room and as you passed the gates, you saw trucks parking up. Negan was the first person you noticed, the sun hitting the barbed wire wrapped around his bat and shining in your eyes as he stepped out of the truck Dean was driving. Your stomach knotted seeing him there, remembering what was very quickly approaching now. 

You were surprised to see Sam climbing out of another truck, he must’ve been on the scout with them for once. He noticed you and waved a little but you were too nervous to respond, your eyes instantly moving to your boyfriend. A big grin plastered his face as he saw you.

“Hey baby,” he beamed. You forced a smile to your lips, clutching the three pills in your hand tighter for fear of losing them. Negan also approached you, making your fake smile falter a little. Dean kissed you, reaching up to push your slightly damp hair back out of your face. “Showered?” he asked, eyes glancing over your hair. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed breathily. Negan smirked as he stopped in front of you. 

“Hey little darling,” he drawled, “are you fucking excited? Because I sure as fucking shit am!” He grinned wide, his pearly white teeth seeming more so behind his salt and pepper beard and you forced another smile to your lips but didn’t reply. Dean’s face read no emotion and you hated it. 

“Well we’re all here now, I don’t fuckin’ see why we can’t start this fuckin’ party early,” Negan smirked, biting his bottom lip before glancing to Dean. “Right, Deany-boy?” He clamped a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Yes, sir,” Dean agreed. The sickness and nerves were stronger than ever as you swallowed hard. 

“Al-fuckin’-righty then, follow me.” Negan led the way towards his room and you glanced back over your shoulder to see Sam watching the three of you leave, a small frown on his face as he carried a crate of vegetables towards the food court. You drew a deep breath and followed on behind Dean and Negan, hoping Sam wouldn’t think too hard on where you were going and what you were doing. You made sure Dean and Negan were definitely ahead of you as you knocked the three pills back into your mouth and swallowed them dry. Maybe that would help. 

The hallway leading to Negan’s room seemed never ending, like you were walking but not getting any closer. It would’ve been silent if not for Negan’s whistling that echoed around the hall, until he stopped in front of the black door and dug into his pocket, pulling out a key. His whistling came to a stop as he swung the door open and his hazel eyes landed directly on you. 

“Ladies first,” he smirked. You licked your lips nervously, mouth suddenly even drier and you knew it wasn’t just the pills you’d swallowed. You stepped inside his impressive room. You thought yours was nice but Negan’s was nicer. The biggest room you’d seen yet with a four poster bed and black leather couches. It was as if you were stepping into the old world, like there wasn’t a zombie apocalypse beyond those four walls. 

Dean and Negan followed you inside and Negan closed the door as you turned around nervously to face them both. Negan walked towards you and your whole body tensed up, but he continued to walk past you and over towards a cabinet in the corner of his room. He grabbed a bottle of whisky and poured three glasses, handing you and Dean one before taking his own. It was silent and you hated it. 

“Here’s to a good fuckin’ night,” Negan announced, breaking the uncomfortable quiet, but his words had only made things worse and you quickly wished it was silent again. Negan shot back his drink, licking his lips as he grinned at you. You glanced nervously at Dean who was taking a sip of his own drink and decided to do the same. Maybe the alcohol would help and along with the meds that would be kicking in any moment, maybe you could get through this. 

The liquid burned your tongue and throat as it went down, but you continued to drink it until your glass was empty, wiping your mouth dry on the back of your hand indignantly, not caring if it wasn’t sexy. You didn’t want to be  _ sexy  _ for Negan, you didn’t even want to try. If he’d let you get away with it, you’d quite happily lie there silent and motionless and just let him get on with it if he wanted. But you knew Negan would want some kind of cooperation and you didn’t want to upset him or make him want to do it again,  _ properly.  _ You didn’t want to give him any excuses. Negan’s eyes fell on Dean.

“Why don’t you take a fuckin’ seat, son? We’ll put on a fuckin’ good show for ya, won’t we, sweetheart?” Your heart stopped for a second. You were under the impression that Dean would be involved, that you could lose yourself in him, ignore Negan if you wanted to. But Dean was only going to watch? 

“Can I have more?” you asked quietly, referring to your empty glass. Negan chuckled and grabbed it.

“Why don’t I give you two a fuckin’ moment?” he smirked. He went back over to the cabinet and you knew he’d still be able to hear your conversation so you were careful about your choice of words.

“You’re not joining in?” you whispered as quietly as possible. 

“This isn’t about me, it’s about you. C’mon, we talked about this baby,” Dean whispered back, tucking some hair behind your ear. 

“If you’re not involved why are you here? You don’t want to see that do you?” 

Dean leaned in a little closer, his mouth by your ear. “To keep you safe.” You swallowed hard and nodded your head, thankful that he was there for that reason but hating he was going to witness it. At least if he was involved it didn’t seem so bad. 

Your mind buzzed as you tried to take deep, calming breaths and as Dean stepped back again, Negan handed you your refill. You shot it back immediately as Dean took a seat on the couch. The second shot seemed to do the trick because now you felt a little intoxicated, your inhibitions lowered somewhat.  _ Fuck it, let’s do this.  _ You drew another deep breath and turned to face Negan completely, reaching up to straighten out his leather jacket a little. Negan took your glass from you and placed it down, his eyes glancing down to the way you smoothed the leather back into place. He reached forward and hooked his finger under your chin, tilting your head back before kissing you. The scratch of his beard against your skin was an unfamiliar sensation and it took you a few seconds to start responding to the kiss. His tongue swept along your bottom lip as you hesitantly opened your mouth and the kiss deepened. He tasted like the very same whisky still soaked into your tongue and you kept telling yourself that it was okay, that you could do this. 

Negan’s hands started pulling at your clothes, building the anxiety some more but as the kiss went on, you felt your mind buzzing more and more, feeling drunk and high all at once. But it couldn’t be the kiss, it had to be the alcohol and the pills, you weren’t used to either of them anymore and maybe they weren’t such a good mix. You bravely reached up and pushed his jacket over his shoulders, listening to the heavy thud of it hitting the floor at his feet, you pulled his t-shirt free from his pants and tried to pull it up over his head. Negan chuckled, breaking the kiss. 

“Someone’s fuckin’ eager, Dean are you fuckin’ giving this girl any?” Negan smirked, his eyes not leaving you. Dean’s laugh was forced, years of being together meant you could tell it wasn’t genuine and you just hoped Dean also knew you well enough to know the only thing you were eager to do was get it over with. “Don’t you fuckin’ worry baby girl, Daddy’s gonna sort you out,” he drawled. 

You nervously bit your bottom lip, glancing at Dean but Negan turned your face back to him. 

“Eyes on me, baby girl,” he warned. You nodded hesitantly. “Why don’t you fuckin’ take that top off for me?” His eyes sparkled at his own suggestion and you slowly gripped the hem of your shirt and quickly yanked it over your head before you could talk yourself out of it. Negan’s eyes fell on your bralette and he bit his bottom lip. You dared not look at Dean again but so desperately wanted to. “And those shorts,” he prompted, “nice and fucking slow, c’mon we’re putting on a show, remember,” Negan smirked. Your shaking hands went to the buttons on your shorts as you started to slowly pop them open, tugging them down your legs until they dropped to your ankles and you toed the boots you were wearing off so you could step out of them. “That’s more fuckin’ like it, give Daddy a twirl, show him what he’s got,” Negan commanded, twirling his finger in a circle in the air. You slowly did what you were told, able to glance at Dean who was leaning on his elbow on the arm of the couch, his hand covering his mouth so you couldn’t really read his reaction. Not only was your brain a little slower than normal but your spin was making your intoxicated mind even more buzzed. 

Once you were facing Negan again he gave you a shit eating grin. 

“On your fuckin’ knees, baby,” he demanded next as he started to undo his belt and thumb his pants open. You realised what came next and clumsily got to your knees, your vision blurring slightly with the fast movement. But once it came back into focus you could immediately tell that Negan wasn’t wearing underwear beneath his pants and he was definitely hard. He pulled himself free and you couldn’t help but feel your eyebrows raise. He was bigger than Dean, slightly longer and just a little thicker too. No wonder he strutted around like a king. Men like Negan were all the same. The bigger their dick, the bigger their ego. You wanted to roll your eyes at the very thought but you quickly remembered what came next and didn’t feel so confident anymore. 

Dean was sitting right there, directly in front of you as Negan grabbed a fistful of the hair at the back of your head and guided you towards his hard length. You opened your mouth and felt the heaviness weigh down on your tongue as he started to push himself to the back of your throat. You nervously closed your lips around him and gently started to suck, far less enthusiastically than you’d have done had it been Dean and you hoped he’d noticed that for himself. Negan didn’t seem to pick up on it though, which was good. He started to thrust into the back of your throat, making you gag as he attempted to get himself a little deeper, considering a good couple of inches were left out. His moans started to fill the quiet, along with the wet sucking and gargled sounds of your mouth. You rested your hands on his thighs for balance and tried your best to focus on not throwing up the whisky and pills still sitting fresh in your stomach. 

You knew why Negan was doing this, showing Dean exactly what he was doing to  _ his girl.  _ Dean wouldn’t have missed a second from where he was sitting and that was no doubt by design, but every time you snuck even a split second glance at your boyfriend his face was unreadable. When Negan finally withdrew from your mouth you were spluttering for air, wiping your mouth clean on the back of your hand once more. Negan pulled you to your feet and, to your surprise, shoved you towards Dean. 

“Undress her for me, will ya?” Negan commanded. Dean sat forward and started to remove your panties as you gripped his shoulders for balance and stepped out of them. He removed your bralette next and placed a quick kiss to your lips. 

“Are you okay?” you whispered, hoping Negan wouldn’t hear, but before Dean could reply Negan interrupted. 

“C’mere.” You turned to see Negan was fully naked now, sat on the edge of his bed with his cock in his hand. You glanced once more at Dean who nodded over to Negan, encouraging you to do as you were told. You drew a breath and walked over to the older man, fiddling with your fingers in front of you nervously as his hazel eyes scanned your body. “Fuck, sweetheart. Imagine that boyfriend of yours keeping this all to him-fuckin’-self. That just wouldn’t fuckin’ be right would it?” 

He reached for your hand and you took it as he encouraged you to straddle his lap. You kept your hips raised, away from Negan for as long as possible. Negan lay back, encouraging you to follow and you knew from this angle, Dean had the perfect view of what was about to happen. Another cleverly thought out plan on Negan’s part. Negan spat onto his fingers and reached between you, rubbing his saliva over your entrance which you were thankful for, considering you weren’t as wet as you’d normally be and he was bigger. The way his large fingers nudged at your clit for a few moments though, made whimpers escape you and you felt yourself naturally grow wetter anyway. Negan’s hand disappeared and you felt the pressure of something different against your sex, knowing it was the tip of his cock. Once Negan had the very tip nestled inside he gripped your ass cheeks and pulled them apart, encouraging you down so you were sinking onto every inch of him as he filled you up in ways no one ever had before. 

You whined at the burn and gripped his biceps hard, leaving fingernail marks behind on his skin. 

“Not fuckin’ used to a dick this big, huh baby?” Negan chuckled loudly, no doubt so Dean would hear. “I can tell because that fuckin’ pussy is so fuckin’ tight, holy fuck.” He pulled out a little, which you were grateful for, but quickly slammed back in again, making you scream out at the feeling of him battering against your cervix like that. Negan chuckled once more. “Oh sweetheart, I’m gonna have you fuckin’ screaming plenty tonight. You’ll cum more times than you ever thought possible. You’ll never want another fuckin’ cock again, you’ll see.” You whimpered, hoping he was wrong. 


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, flirting, sorta fluff, mentions of dub-con, violence, fight
> 
> Chapter WC: 2529

**_Sam’s POV_ **

Sam was still beating himself up about his confession, and even though he’d not come out and said it, he’d still implied it. And now it was out there, lingering between the two of them, the new elephant in the room; his inappropriate feelings towards his own brother’s girlfriend. It was fucked up, Sam knew it, even for this new world. Dean loved Y/N and she loved him and Sam had no right to interfere with that. Even if Dean was being a bit off at the moment. It was certainly wrong of Sam to take advantage of that situation. They’d just lost a child together, what gave Sam the right to barge in and load his feelings onto Y/N like that? He felt awful, wanting to go back and take it all back. But he couldn’t. She knew now. She knew how he felt about her, whether it was moral or not. 

He spent that entire night convincing himself it wasn’t true. Maybe he was just mistaking his concern and care for her as love. Maybe he did love her, but just not in that way, not in the way he loved Jess. But he couldn’t kid himself for long; he was undeniably in love with her. Maybe even more so than he had been with Jess. She was kind and caring and funny and every moment he spent with her made him forget all the shit that was going on around them. He felt safe with her, his mind and body relaxing the minute he was in her company, sometimes enough that he could sleep if he wanted to. But none of that mattered, she was with Dean, she felt that way about Dean and he felt that way about her. Sam needed to move on, he needed to forget all about those feelings and focus on the more platonic feelings he had for her before, when they were good friends without the complications. 

Sam wanted to apologise to her, tell her to forget he’d even said anything but as he climbed out of the truck after a scout and saw her walking across the lot, she didn’t return his smile or his wave. His hand dropped to his side immediately and he watched as she approached Dean without even acknowledging him. Great, she was upset with him. Sam drew a deep breath and grabbed a crate of tins, taking it towards the food court. His mind swam with what he could say to Y/N to get their relationship back on track, how he could make it up to her and get rid of the new awkwardness surrounding them. What if she’s told Dean? He had seemed pretty off with him all day. But if Dean knew his feelings for Y/N he would’ve confronted him, Sam’s sure of it. 

“Shit, sorry!” Sam snapped out of his thoughts when he collided with Cassie, carrying a boxful of tomatoes towards the food hall. She giggled as she looked up at him. “Are you okay? You were miles away,” she added as she bent down to start collecting the food that had spilled out of both their crates.

“Cassie, I’m sorry!” Sam gasped, bending down to help her. He grabbed some tins and put them back in his crate. 

“Are you okay though?” she asked again, “you just seem a bit preoccupied.”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Sam lied, forcing a smile. She looked at him with wide, concerned eyes. “I just don’t like scouts,” he admitted. She glanced back over his shoulder towards the trucks and offered him a sad smile.

“I get it, I’ve heard they can be rough.” Sam drew a deep breath and nodded, finishing collecting the last of the stray food. “Hey, this is kinda forward,” Cassie suddenly spoke up again, “but do you wanna, like  _ hang out _ ?” 

Sam’s eyes widened a little when he realised what she was implying. 

“Hang out?” he choked out, swallowing hard.

“Yeah like, obviously we can’t go for a meal or watch a movie or whatever but we could just… hang out,” she concluded weakly. Sam hesitated. Cassie seemed lovely and she was attractive, but his mind was not at all on finding someone else, not when he had to fix what he’d broken with Y/N. But then he considered that maybe finding someone else was exactly what he needed to forget about his feelings for Y/N. “Sorry it’s a stupid idea,” Cassie grumbled as a blush stained her cheeks. 

“No, it sounds good,” he nodded in agreement.

“Okay great, well I can’t tonight, I’m pot washing for extra points, but how about tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow sounds good,” Sam smiled. They both rose back to their feet as Cassie beamed at him. 

“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow. Meet you at the vegetable patch?” 

-

As usual, Sam had barely slept that night, no more than a couple of five minute dozes. But even with everything that usually kept him awake - the gunshot that killed Jess, remembering his old life - it paled in comparison to the new reason he was losing sleep; Y/N. How was he going to apologise if she was avoiding him? What if things never went back to the way they were? What if he’d ruined their relationship for good? What if Dean found out and he lost him too? These questions were what kept him pacing his tiny concrete space, until he knew that the food hall would be open and serving breakfast. He made his way over, the sun still rising over the compound, basking the place in orange. It would’ve been beautiful if he wasn’t so preoccupied and hadn’t seen hundreds of them already thanks to his insomnia. 

Sam was one of the only people in the entire court at that time, the few cooks served his porridge unenthusiastically but he thanked them graciously nonetheless and took a seat at an empty table. He discovered he wasn’t particularly hungry after a couple of mouthfuls but he hated seeing food go to waste when he’d seen the conditions of other communities and knew how it felt to be truly starving, so he forced the rest of the bowl down. He watched the door absentmindedly, wondering when other people would start arriving for their own breakfast and his attention was fully grabbed when he watched Y/N enter. Her eyes fell on him instantly but she quickly looked away and walked over to get her own porridge, opting to sit on another table.

Sam huffed a breath as he rose to his feet and decided to approach her. They were basically alone and he didn’t want to force himself on her, but he at least needed to apologise. Her eyes only widened when she watched him getting closer, and she dropped her spoon into her bowl. 

“Sam-” she began with a sigh.

“No, Y/N, just listen,” he interjected, “I’m sorry for what I said, okay? I’m sorry I should never have told you that,” he spat out before she could interrupt him. She bit her bottom lip as it quivered and looked down at her bowl again. 

“It’s fine,” she whispered. 

“It’s not fine. You’re avoiding me, I hate that. I know that what I said was wrong and I know that you might think that I want... _ more  _ than what we had but I don’t. I just don’t want to lose you completely. You love Dean, I get that. I respect that. I promise.” 

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and bambi like, brimming with tears. 

“I’m not mad at you,” she choked out. Sam frowned slightly.

“Then why are you avoiding me?” he pressed. She glanced around the room, tears spilling onto her cheeks when her eyes moved and she sniffled, quickly reaching up to brush them away. 

“I’m ashamed,” she whispered so quietly that Sam almost didn’t hear her. He pulled the chair out he was standing in front of and took a seat so he was more her eye level.

“Ashamed of what, Y/N?” he asked gently. She didn’t look at him, picking up her spoon and swirling it through her now cold porridge. 

“Please don’t judge me,” she begged.

“I’d never,” Sam told her honestly, reaching out to squeeze her wrist. He pulled his hand back quickly, not wanting to seem over-friendly or inappropriate. More tears escaped her eyes but she didn’t brush those ones away.

“The day before yesterday, when you found me in my room looking for my pills, I said I was in pain,” she reminded him. He nodded slightly. “I wasn’t in physical pain, it was more emotional… I’d been to see Negan and-” she stopped, choking on a sob at his name. 

“What did that son of a bitch do to you, Y/N?” Sam growled. She still didn’t look up at him as she carried on. 

“He told me what I had to do to earn my keep here,” she continued. “He said I had to… you know.” The embarrassment that painted over her face told Sam exactly what she was getting at and his jaw clenched.  _ Of course  _ he’d want something like that from her. Sam had seen the way he looked at her. “I didn’t want to do it,” she sniffled. 

“Does Dean know?” Sam pressed. She nodded ever so slightly. “What did he say? Has he agreed to leave yet?” Sam thought back to the scout the day before, remembering that Dean seemed a little off with Negan, but not enough that Sam would’ve thought he knew what Negan had proposed to his girlfriend. Sam had witnessed first hand how jealous Dean could be. 

Y/N didn’t reply at first, only cried harder and it made Sam anxious to hear her answer. 

“He told me to do it,” she finally confessed. Sam’s jaw only clenched harder, his hands balling into fists.

“Are you fucking serious?” Sam growled. He wasn’t angry at Y/N and he hoped she knew that, but his tone was still sharp and viscous. “No, Y/N, you can’t do it. Tell them both to fuck themselves. Dean won’t want you to do it, not when it comes down to it. He wouldn’t let Negan touch you, he loves you. He’s not gonna let some guy have sex with his girlfriend just so we can stay here, Dean wouldn’t-” Y/N cried harder, hiding her face in her hands. “I’m sorry,” Sam sighed, realising he was getting too wound up at the very idea. If  _ he  _ was angry then Dean must’ve been even more pissed off. 

“It’s too late, Sammy,” he heard her sob behind her hands, her voice muffled but he still understood what she’d said. 

“What do you mean, Y/N?” he asked carefully. “What do you mean  _ it’s too late? _ ” His heartbeat increased, an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and every sob that left Y/N’s chest made the sickness climb his throat. He was pretty sure he knew exactly what she meant, but he was in denial. He knew Y/N well enough to know she wouldn’t have wanted this and the way she was crying confirmed it. 

“I did it.” Each word was a punch in the gut to Sam as he tried to remain calm but felt himself failing with every passing second. 

“Does Dean know?” Sam asked as calmly as possible. Was she telling him she’d cheated? 

“Dean was there.” Another three punches to Sam’s gut. Dean was  _ there.  _ Dean had not only gone along with it but he’d been involved. Surely he would’ve known that Y/N didn’t want this? One look at her and it was plain to see. Sam can remember how she was when he found her looking for her meds, how desperate she was. Why hadn’t Dean picked up on how upset that had made her? This wasn’t the Dean that Sam knew, this wasn’t his brother. What was happening to him? Negan. Negan was happening to him. Sam was only getting more and more angry. He rose to his feet, the chair he was sitting on scraped along the concrete floor with an ear piercing screech that filled the otherwise silent room. Y/N finally looked up at him, her eyes red and blotchy.

“Where are you going?” she asked immediately. 

“I’m gonna give my brother a piece of my mind, the son of a bitch.” 

Y/N was quick to raise to her own feet.

“No, Sam, don’t!” she pleaded. 

“He doesn’t get to do this to you, Y/N!” Sam yelled at her. “He doesn’t get to control you like that!” She glanced around, embarrassed.

“I could’ve said no, but I didn’t,” she defended weakly. 

“Bullshit, you know you can’t say no to Negan, this is on Dean. Dean should’ve stuck up for you, he should’ve been telling Negan where to stick it. He should’ve been marching you out of this hell hole the second you told him! Hell, I would’ve!” She shook her head quickly but Sam ignored her. She loved him so much she couldn’t even see how fucked up this was. The doors opened and low and behold Dean was walking into the room. 

“Sam, no please,” Y/N begged louder, reaching out to hold him back but he gripped her wrists and shoved her hands off of him as he charged towards Dean. 

Dean frowned as he approached.

“What the hell is wrong with-” Dean couldn’t finish his sentence because Sam had punched him square in the jaw. “You son of a bitch! Sammy what the-” Sam hit him again and this time Dean fought back, swinging his own punch that landed on Sam’s nose. Sam gripped Dean’s collar and punched him square in his own nose twice, then three times. Y/N was sobbing behind them, begging them to stop but Sam couldn’t. He was seeing red. How  _ dare  _ Dean do this to Y/N. 

“You were meant to protect her!” Sam yelled. “You don’t deserve her!” 

“Sammy, what are you talking about?” Dean grunted, taking punch after punch as his defenses weakened. 

“She didn’t want it! You’re meant to know your own girlfriend!” Dean suddenly started fighting back again, punching Sam in the face once more. 

Sam felt hands on his shoulders and he was torn off Dean as he panted heavily, feeling blood trickle down his nose, over his lips and he saw Dean in a pretty bad state too. His face was bloody, bruises already showing around his eyes and his lip was puffy and swollen. Dean was glaring at him, being held back himself by someone else. 

“Walk it off,” whoever was holding Sam away grunted and Sam shrugged him off. Dean spat blood onto the floor and Sam saw as Y/N rushed to his side to check on him. Sam huffed a frustrated breath as he rolled his shoulders back and stormed out of the food hall.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, violence, talk of cuckolding, mentions of rape, dub-con, emotional blackmail, manipulation, smut implied 
> 
> Chapter WC: 2055

**_Dean’s POV_ **

When Dean woke up that morning Y/N wasn’t sleeping next to him. He sat up slightly and blinked his eyes open, scanning the room for her but she wasn’t there. Occasionally, she liked to head down to breakfast early to beat the queues and enjoy the calm before the storm, so he didn’t think much of it. He rolled his head on his shoulders, stretching out his neck as he sighed, yawning a little and stretching before getting up. It had been a late night. He couldn’t deny that seeing Y/N with Negan hadn’t made him a little jealous, but he’d made peace with the fact it was an unavoidable price to pay to keep them there the moment that Negan had mentioned it. Now they’d both done things that they’d rather just forget. Dean didn’t exactly  _ want  _ to kill people; it was just a necessary evil now. Besides, he knew them sleeping together didn’t mean anything to either of them. He wasn’t stupid, it was a power move on Negan’s behalf. Having Dean there to witness it when he barely had any involvement all night only proved that. Just like Dean expected Y/N to suck it up and accept the things he was doing to survive, he too had to suck it up and accept the things she was doing too, though he hoped he didn’t have to witness it again.

He made his way down to breakfast in hopes of seeing her before he left for a scout that morning, still feeling half asleep as he walked through the doors to the food hall. His brother charging towards him with a face like thunder was the last thing Dean needed and he huffed a breath, groaning internally when he quickly glanced over Sam’s shoulder to see Y/N with wet and wide eyes full of fear. What the hell had happened between those two now? 

“What the hell is wrong with-” Dean couldn’t finish his sentence because Sam had punched him square in the jaw. Dean felt the pain radiate through his bones. “You son of a bitch! Sammy what the-” Sam hit him again. 

Dean clenched his jaw, not sure why they were suddenly fighting but he wasn’t going to just stand there and take an ass beating. He fought back, swinging his own punch that landed on Sam’s nose. Sam gripped Dean’s collar, yanking him forward and Dean had no choice but to stumble closer to his enraged brother who punched him square in his nose twice, then three times. Dean could hear Y/N was sobbing behind them, begging them to stop but Sam didn’t listen. 

“You were meant to protect her!” Sam yelled. “You don’t deserve her!” 

“Sammy, what are you talking about?” Dean grunted, taking punch after punch. The pain was getting a lot, the blows making his vision blur and his mind foggy as he struggled to fight back. 

“She didn’t want it! You’re meant to know your own girlfriend!” Dean felt the anger course through his entire body at Sam’s insinuation. How _dare_ Sam judge him for a relationship he’s not part of. He’s making it his business _again._ Y/N is running off telling his brother _their business._ Dean suddenly started fighting back again, punching Sam in the face once more. 

Dean was in a pretty bad state when he was pulled off of Sam whose nose trickled with blood. He glared at his brother and if looks could kill, he certainly wouldn’t need to use his fists anymore. 

“Walk it off.” Dean heard one of the other fighters, Peter, tell Sam. Great, now Negan was gonna know. Sam shrugged him off as Dean spat blood onto the floor and Y/N rushed to his side to check on him. 

“Baby, oh my god, are you okay?” she worried, tears streaming down her face as she shakily reached up to brush her fingertips over his bust lip. Dean hissed at the contact and shrugged her off. He was partially embarrassed to have her fussing over him like that and partially annoyed that no doubt something she’d said had triggered the fight. 

“I’m fine,” he grunted, holding his own lip. Y/N’s eyes were wide and bambi-like as her bottom lip shook. “What the fuck were you two talking about?” he hissed. He didn’t need her to reply. The guilty look on her face told him everything he needed to know. He didn’t have time to deal with this. 

Dean glanced around, noticing that everyone else on the scout team was nowhere to be seen and the radio on his hip crackled to life as Negan called out for him. 

“I’ve gotta go. Keep out of trouble and stay the fuck away from my brother.” Dean glared at her before turning on his heels and heading out of the hall, towards the trucks. He tried to shake off the bad mood as he stormed across the compound but the pain throbbing around his entire face in the various places he took Sam’s hits kept his mood dark. He wasn’t even in the mood for the smug grin on Negan’s face when he approached the truck. 

“Well fuck me, son. Who the fuck did you fuckin’ piss off?” Negan chortled as Dean slumped into the truck. 

“Sam,” Dean grunted, turning the key and hearing the engine roar to life. Negan clicked his tongue, a shit eating grin spreading over his face. 

“He’s fuckin’ jeaous I got my end in and he didn’t, huh?” Negan smirked. 

Dean didn’t reply as they pulled off and headed away from the Sanctuary. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about that. He wasn’t in the mood to even think about it. Something Sam had said had struck a nerve with Dean and he didn’t like it.  _ She didn’t want it.  _ Dean knew she didn’t, she’d made that clear, but, eventually, she had gone along with it. So he hadn’t done anything wrong, right? Thinking about her not wanting it made him think of rape or assault, but it was neither of those things, was it? She’d complied, she’d done everything he said, and okay, she wasn’t too happy about it, but not once did she say no or stop. She knew it was the price to pay, she knew they didn’t have a choice.

“Dean, let me make something really fuckin’ clear right now,” Negan spoke up again, turning in his seat slightly. Dean swallowed hard, his green eyes glancing across at Negan before settling back on the road. “I don’t fuckin’ tolerate school yard bullshit drama here. Fist fighting over who gets to fuck the pretty girl doesn’t fuckin’ fly with me. Get your shit together, tell your brother to get his shit together and keep the drama out of my home.” Negan’s voice was threatening, he wasn’t even pretending to be nice about it. “Hell, if you were anyone fuckin’ else then the two of you would’ve been out a long fuckin’ time ago. But I fuckin’ like you Dean, I want you to stick around and fuck, if that cunt doesn’t make up for it.” Negan chuckled, sucking his teeth for a moment before turning back to face front. 

Dean drew a deep breath and reminded himself not to fuck this up. He didn’t want to piss Negan off, he needed to get himself and Sam under control. He needed to keep Negan happy and he needed to keep their place at the Sanctuary. 

“You’re right, Sir, I’m sorry,” Dean nodded, hoping to restore the peace. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment or two before Negan spoke up again. 

“Talking of your girl.” Dean saw out of the corner of his eye as Negan’s tongue danced slowly along his bottom lip and he chuckled under his breath. “Last night was a one time fuckin’ thing.” 

  
  


Dean felt a sense of relief wash over him, but didn’t voice that as he nodded in understanding. 

“I’m not a fuckin’ fan of being watched, d’you undersand me, son?” Dean’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as what Negan was insinuating sank in; the opposite of what Dean had originally assumed. “And I’m fucking sure you don’t wanna see your girl having such a great fuckin’ time without you,” Negan continued. “What was it - four...five times?” Negan chuckled. Dean remained silent. Negan was right, he didn’t want to witness that again. He hated feeling jealous even though he knew there was no reason to be. But the idea of Y/N being alone with Negan also didn’t sit right with him, just like he knew it wouldn’t sit right with her either. Dean hoped his silence was enough compliance as he continued to drive, pretending to pay close attention to the road, whilst his mind raced with conflicting thoughts about Negan and Y/N being together alone. 

-

As usual, Dean got back from a scout wound up and bloody. Thoughts about Y/N and Negan ran through his mind all day. Negan’s odd comments and digs that Dean was too used to hearing him aim towards Dwight, were now aimed at him and it was taking time for him to adjust to that. But it made Negan happy, so that was something at least. Dean slammed the bedroom door shut and instantly started to remove his weapons belt, feeling how heavy it sat around his waist as it dug in. He glanced up to see Y/N as she rose from laying down on the bed. He instantly felt the anger from that morning flood through his veins again and huffed. She didn’t say anything as he flung the belt onto the couch and scrubbed a hand down his blood splattered face, wincing a little when he caught his split lip. 

“You’ve gotta stop telling Sammy all our fucking business, sweetheart,” he grunted. Her eyes widened when he finally looked at her. She swallowed hard and nervously played with her hands in front of her. “That shit doesn’t concern him,” Dean told her. 

“I didn’t mean to, De,” she told him with a shaky voice. “I was just upset and-” 

“Upset?” Dean pressed, “if anyone should be upset it’s fucking me! You were having a great time with him!” 

“No, Dean it wasn’t like that,” she told him immediately, standing up as she shook her head. She cautiously approached him. “I was just trying to keep him happy and it worked, right?” she checked. Dean huffed, his chest puffing out slightly before he dropped his defences a little. 

“Yeah, worked so well he wants more,” Dean gritted out. Y/N frowned and fresh tears came to her eyes. 

“I thought it was a one time thing,” she whimpered out. 

“Does my thing look like a one time thing to you?” Dean pressed, referring to himself. “Don’t be so fucking selfish, Y/N. You have no idea what I’m out there doing for us. The least you can do is open your legs and not blab to my brother about it.” 

Dean regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. He drew a deep breath and tried to think of a better way to phrase it. 

“I’m sorry. I just meant that we need to do this, okay? Can you be a good girl for me? Prove I’m not doing all this for nothing?” Dean cupped her face in his hands and grabbed her eye contact. “Hm? Can you just do whatever Negan wants? To keep us here and safe? We’re all playing our part, baby,” Dean reminded her. A stray tear rolled down her cheek and Dean used his thumb to wipe it away. She nodded slightly. 

“I’m sorry I told Sam,” she blushed. “He’s the only other person I have here and I needed to talk to someone,” she whispered. 

“You have me, baby, always will,” he reassured her. She nodded again and looked down to her feet. Dean hooked a finger under her chin and tipped her head back to look at him again. “But right now,” he started, leaning down, his lips now inches from hers, “I think you should remind me who you really belong to, yeah?” he prompted, nudging the tip of his nose with hers. She bit her bottom lip and nodded her head before kissing him tentatively. “Good girl. You’re mine, don’t you ever forget it.” 


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, dub-con, blowjob, rough sex, daddy kink, creampie, orgasms
> 
> Chapter WC: 2710

**_Your POV_ **

  
  


Your hands were shaking as you balled one into a fist and knocked on the door as confidently as you could muster. After what Dean had said a few days ago, you were waiting for this moment, fairly sure you knew exactly why Negan had called you to his office. Glancing down the hall you watched as Simon strutted away, looking back over his shoulder periodically to let his eyes roam your body as you tugged on your shorts in a desperate bid to cover more skin.

“Come in,” Negan’s voice bled through the thick metal door and you drew a deep breath to calm your nerves before entering. 

“You wanted to see me, Sir?” you asked with a shaky voice. He was sitting behind his desk, kicked back and polishing his bat when he lifted his eyes to look at you and smirked. 

“Oh I always wanna fuckin’ see you, darlin’, it’s quite the fuckin’ view. How the fuck are you?” he smirked. You instinctively crossed your arms over your chest defensively and Negan continued when you didn’t reply, “I can fuckin’ see that you’re finally walking fuckin’ straight again,” he chuckled. 

His hazel eyes glanced over your body and his tongue licked along his bottom lip as he relished in you twisting in your place. The chair he was sitting on scraped along the concrete floor with a high pitched, irritating screech as he rose to his feet, placing his bat down and starting to strut towards you. 

“I fuckin’ know you keep thinking about it,” Negan told you with a shit eating grin as he perched himself on the edge of his desk, directly in front of you. His hand reached out as his fingertips brushed up your arm slowly, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Keep thinking about the way I touched you, huh? You ever fucked a real man before me?” You swallowed hard, Dean was a  _ real man  _ in your eyes but you knew that wasn’t what Negan would want to hear and Dean had practically drummed into you the importance of keeping Negan happy. 

Reluctantly, you shook your head softly. Negan chuckled heartily and clicked his tongue as his fingers ran along your shoulder to under your chin, tipping your head up more. He let the silence grow as he stared at you and you felt the nerves tug deep in your stomach. He dropped his hand to your relief, but your body quickly tensed again when, instead, he started to trail his calloused fingertips up your bare leg. 

“Just look at these fuckin’ shorts, you wearing these just to fuckin’ tease me, doll?” he chortled. You bit your bottom lip anxiously, feeling the buzz of his skin against yours as he teased the short hem of the jeans, gliding his fingers to the inside of your thigh. You instinctively clenched them harder together in hopes he’d give up, but you remembered who you were dealing with as his touch became more forceful. 

Negan’s hand fell away and you let out the breath you’d been holding as he smirked at you. 

“I’ve got a job for you, sweetheart,” he told you smugly, his hands working on opening his pants and your mouth suddenly felt dry as you swallowed hard. “You gonna be a good girl for me?” he checked. You remembered your conversation with Dean, the promise you’d made him about being a good girl, doing whatever Negan wanted. You remembered him telling you  _ don’t be so fucking selfish.  _ You drew a deep breath and nodded your head at Negan, offering him a weak smile and hoping he bought it. You didn’t want him to think you wouldn’t comply.  _ We’re all playing our part  _ as Dean said. Negan’s spare hand reached up and gripped your chin. 

“That’s my girl,” he cooed. It was falsely sweet and you hated the way he called you  _ his girl  _ when you weren’t even his. But you grinned and beared it, seeing out of the corner of your eye that he was pulling his half hard cock out of his pants. 

You pushed the nausea down and lowered yourself to your knees, looking up at him through your lashes as you settled on your bare knees on the cold concrete floor. Negan’s smirk only deepened as he looked down at you.

“I could get used to this fucking sight,” he drawled, his long fingers gripping at the back of your head as he guided your face towards his erection, still growing in his other hand. You licked your lips wet and hesitantly opened your mouth, tasting the tang of precum hit your tongue, but you ignored it and continued to push him deeper. You’d decided that the more eager you seemed, the more effort you put in, the quicker he was likely to finish so you could go back to your room and shower him off again, pretending it had never even happened.

-

The scrape of the desk’s feet along the concrete was near enough deafening, Negan’s grunts and groans matching the volume as if he wanted the whole compound to hear what you were up to. Your fingers were tingling, you were gripping the wood beneath you so tightly, the edge digging into your ribs every time he thrust forward, a double dose of pain at the way he hit your cervix at the same time. And just like the last time he fucked you, you couldn’t control the orgasms he so expertly ripped from your body, despite you not wanting this. Not that you’d let on as much, your own breathing was shallow as you mewled and moaned beneath him like a damn pornstar hoping it would get it over with, but it seemed he was enjoying himself far too much; you felt like he’d been fucking you for  _ hours.  _ Your legs shook as another orgasm coursed through your veins, making your eyes roll and Negan basked in it as you slowly came down from your high. 

“Six fuckin’ orgasms. Damn sweetheart, you’re giving my wives a run for their fuckin’ money,” he chortled. “This cunt is definitely the best I’ve ever had though, shit.” 

He gripped your thigh, encouraging your knee to rest on the desktop. He got deeper this way, not that he needed to as you felt the bruised feeling deep inside you only get worse. The edge of the table nudged at your clit in this position, making you moan louder as you felt yourself edging closer to yet another orgasm. Negan’s hand palmed at your ass, keeping it spread wide for him and a quick glance over your shoulder told you he was enjoying the view of his cock sinking in and out of you. 

“Jesus fuckin’ shit, sweetheart, you’re painting my dick white. You’re gonna fuckin’ cum again, aren’t ya? Greedy little girl, I can fucking feel it, that cunt is a like a fuckin’ vice. Gonna make me cum, sweetheart, you want that? You want Daddy’s cum filling you up?” he groaned. You gasped, happy to hear he was close as you started to purposefully clench and relax around him over and over. He laughed breathlessly, like he knew your game and pulled your hips back to meet his. “Yes you fuckin’ do, don’t you,” he cooed. “Gonna send you back to that fuckin’ boyfriend of yours with my cum trickling down your fuckin’ thighs.” You whimpered, feeling him push himself even deeper yet as his whole body shook, his fingertips digging painfully into the flesh of your ass as he slowly pulled out. 

It was eerily quiet as you both redressed and you could already feel Negan’s cum trying desperately to escape and soak into the cotton of your panties. It was already making you feel uncomfortable and dirty and you couldn’t wait to take a shower. As Negan ruckled his belt he smirked over at you.

“Come with me, I wanna fuckin’ show you something before you go back to him.” You remained quiet but nodded in compliance as he opened the door and led you out of his room, down a few corridors until you came to two large doors. He opened both of them to reveal a large lounge type room with couches and furnishings. There was a radio and even a bar set up. Immediately you noticed that there were only females inside. 

“This is the den, it’s a fucking’ wife only privilege,” he explained as he strutted inside. Each girl there was different but equally pretty, all dressed in little black dresses and all looking at happy to be there as the other. It made you uncomfortable.

You didn’t understand why he was showing you this room, but you remained quiet and listened to what he had to say about how good his wives had it at the Sanctuary and he even introduced you to one called Sherry, who seemed nice enough. You were polite and courteous but all the while wished you could go back to your room to shower him off, feeling how tacky your thighs were becoming and paranoid the other girls could tell. You didn’t stay too long as Negan led you further down the corridor and towards another room. This one was empty of people, a bedroom even better than yours and much closer to Negan’s. There was a four poster bed with plush furniture. It was even more homely than the room you’d grown used to, the room that seemed like five star luxury when you arrived. 

“Why are you showing me all of this?” you asked quietly, not sure what the point of this was. Negan chuckled softly, licking his bottom lip as he stared down at you.

“Because, doll, I think it’s time you became a wife. What do you fuckin’ say?” he smirked. 

-

The entire conversation whirled around your head a million miles an hour as you rushed back to your bedroom, where Dean was no doubt waiting for you. The nausea you’d done so well pushing down earlier on was back with a vengeance as you swallowed repeatedly to keep it at bay. Your hand was clammy as it reached for the door handle of your bedroom, Negan’s words still echoing around your mind. 

_ “I think it’s time you became a wife. What do you fuckin’ say?” Negan was smirking as your mouth fell open and you swallowed hard despite your extremely dry mouth.  _

_ “I’m - I’m with Dean,” you reminded him weakly. Negan chuckled and towered over you, his hazel eyes twinkling down at you with malice as he reached forward to tuck some hair behind your ear, before running his finger down your jawline. You trembled slightly under his touch.  _

_ “And Dean fuckin’ knows that I get what I fuckin’ want. And what I want is this sweet fuckin’ cunt all to my-fuckin’-self.” Your whole body froze when you felt his other hand smooth up the inside of your thigh, where his cum had dried and you held your breath until he pulled back. “Why don’t you fuckin’ run home to your little boyfriend and fuckin’ talk it over with him, hm?” _

  
  


You finally braved stepping inside, telling yourself for the hundredth time that Negan was wrong, Dean would never be okay with this. He had been off with you when you’d slept with Negan the first time and he was constantly reminding you that you were his, that what was happening with Negan was a business transaction. Your eyes fell on him instantly as you closed the door behind you and as soon as you heard the latch click you broke down into floods of tears. 

“What happened?” Dean asked, approaching you cautiously. You looked up at him through wet eyes and sniffled hard, shaking your head because you couldn’t even bring yourself to say the words. “Tell me, Y/N,” Dean demanded. You swallowed hard and drew a breath. 

“N-Negan wants me to… he wants me to be his wife.” You looked at Dean wearily, judging his reaction but you weren’t met with the same disgust or apprehension that you felt coursing through your veins. He didn’t seem…  _ anything.  _ Was he still trying to wrap his head around the situation? Dean pulled back and scrubbed a hand down his face as he began to pace the floor in front of you. “Dean, say something,” you begged, hating the silence. 

“What did you tell him?” he finally asked. 

You frowned immediately. “I didn’t say anything, I was in shock.” You wiped your cheeks dry. 

“Well, did he seem pissed about that?” Dean checked quickly. You couldn’t quite figure out his true feelings on the matter, he seemed more concerned about Negan’s feelings than yours. 

“He told me to talk to you,” you whispered, hugging yourself. Dean chewed his bottom lip as if in thought for a moment or two before he looked at you. 

“You’ve gotta do it,” he shrugged. Your eyes only widened more as you stared at him in disbelief, letting his words truly sink in. 

“What?! Dean, no, I’m not doing it,” you told him adamantly. 

“You have to, Y/N,” he grunted, angrily. 

“No. Dean, you can make me fuck him whilst you watch and you can send me to his office but you won’t make me do this.” 

You wiped the fresh tears from your cheeks. 

“I didn’t  _ make you  _ do anything, sweetheart,” Dean growled. 

“You told me to do it Dean, you’re obsessed with making that man happy no matter what the cost. You haven’t once cared about me or my feelings or even our relationship!” 

“Don’t you dare, Y/N!” Dean yelled, stepping up closer to you, “everything I do is for you and our relationship!” 

“No! You don’t get to use that excuse anymore, Dean. You’re letting another man touch me and have sex with me, this is nothing about our relationship or me and everything about him and what  _ he  _ wants. You’re my boyfriend, you’re meant to be sticking up for me, you’re meant to be as angry as Sam was when I told him!” 

“Oh don’t fucking bring him into this! I’m sorry I’m not perfect like my brother. You know what? If he’s so great then go and fucking be with him. Live in that shitty little concrete box with  _ him.”  _

“I’d rather the shitty concrete box over this prison with you any day!” 

“Good, then leave because you know what? Sam would probably be glad to have you. Lord knows the two of you have fucking feelings for each other.” 

You swallowed hard, taken back by his words. You’d never considered what kind of feelings you had for Sam but Dean’s words struck a chord you weren’t ready to hear. Did you like Sam? You grit your teeth, remembering the very reason you were even arguing with Dean. 

“You know what, Dean? I will.” You gripped the door handle and threw the door wide open, ignoring Dean’s pleas for you to come back. He didn’t follow you though, you realised that once you got outside and the darkness of the night swallowed you. You hugged yourself and looked around the dead compound. You wanted to see Sam, but you couldn’t face him and not tell him about Negan’s proposition. You knew he’d be angry and you didn’t want to provoke him again. Plus the idea of facing him after what Dean had said seemed daunting. Dean wasn’t going to change his mind on this, he’d sooner see you become Negan’s shiny new wife than admit he was wrong and take you away from this hell hole. 

Your eyes lingered on the gate that was supposed to be being manned by the guy far too distracted by some pretty girl who was twirling her blonde hair and giggling at him. Wiping your face dry once more you sneaked towards the gate, finding the door sized cut out and unlatching it as quietly as possible, before slipping through the boundary and into the real world. The world you’d not had to face in a long time now. But whatever you had to face out there, was far better than what you’d ever face in there, so you couldn’t go back. 


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, arguing, confessions, h2h, killing walkers, anxiety, fluff
> 
> Chapter WC: 1971

**_Sam’s POV_ **

  
  


It was unlike Dean to knock on Sam’s door in the middle of the night, not that Sam had been sleeping or anything, but he was surprised that his brother was giving him any of his time. Recently Dean had given all of that to Negan and Sam was still pissed with him about what Y/N had told him had happened. But the purple and black patches of skin that painted Dean’s face reminded Sam he’d said his piece. 

“What do you want, Dean?” he huffed, peering around the large metal door. Dean looked agitated, worried even. 

“Is Y/N in there?” Dean sighed out. Sam immediately opened the door wider at the mention of Y/N’s name.

“No, why? What’s happened, Dean?” Sam urged. Dean looked even more worried before he scrubbed a hand down his face and drew a deep breath.

“We had an argument and I told her to leave, so she did. I thought she’d just come here but then Lenny at the gate said the door was open and-” Dean stopped and sighed, looking down at his feet. 

“She’s gone?” Sam concluded, already stepping out of his room. 

The brothers left the building in unison and Sam headed straight for the gate, but out the corner of his eye he saw Dean wasn’t heading in the same direction. 

“Dean, where are you going?” Sam hissed. 

“I gotta tell Negan,” Dean explained. Sam clenched his jaw hard, wishing he could give his brother another shiny bruise. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, right now?” Sam grunted. “He can fucking wait.” 

“I need a fucking truck, asshole,” Dean snapped back. Sam clenched his jaw and stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t really argue with that. Having a truck would help them find her quicker. Sam near enough paced a pathway in the gravel waiting for Dean to return with keys to a truck and he immediately straightened up when Dean approached with two machine guns and a set of keys. 

“Really?” Sam cocked an eyebrow at the guns as Dean threw them carelessly into the backseat of the truck they were apparently taking. 

“Gotta protect ourselves, Sammy. Get in.” Dean hauled himself into the driver’s seat and when Sam climbed in beside him, he noted the radio now strapped to Dean’s belt. No doubt Negan wanted in on the little rescue mission. Part of Sam wondered if getting Y/N back was even the right thing to do. She left for a reason that Dean was unsurprisingly keeping tight-lipped about. But then he remembered what it was like beyond the tall metal gates and how she was completely alone. He couldn’t leave her out there like that. He needed to bring her back so he could talk to her, help her somehow. Dean pulled off and Sam started to feel anxious about finding Y/N alive, because he wasn’t sure what he’d do if she wasn’t. 

The truck ride was silent, until Sam spoke up and addressed the elephant in the room. 

“Did you argue about Negan?” he asked bluntly. 

“That’s none of your business,” Dean replied shortly. Sam scoffed and shook his head, taking Dean’s response as a deafening  _ yes.  _

“I don’t know, your girlfriend came to me crying because you made her have sex with someone she didn’t want to... seems like it became my business.” 

“Shut it, Sammy.” Dean’s voice raised significantly higher in volume. “What goes on in  _ my  _ relationship with  _ my  _ girlfriend is between me and her. Don’t let your fucked up feelings for her make you forget that.” Sam grit his teeth, biting back a reply as his hazel eyes scanned what parts of the track ahead the headlights were illuminating. 

“She’s not your property, Dean. Stop treating her like she is,” Sam looked across at his older brother. “Negan’s changed you. Your own girlfriend has run away from you and you don’t even care.” 

Dean’s fist thumped against the horn of the truck as it sounded out loudly, making Sam jump slightly. 

“Of course I fucking care, Sammy. Why do you think I’m out here looking for her?!” 

“You sure you’re not just out here looking for Negan’s latest conquest? He’s probably pissed she’s gone, huh?” Sam taunted. Dean glared at the road, his grip on the steering wheel noticeably tighter. Sam decided not to push any further and focus on finding Y/N. 

“Why are you here, Sammy? If you hate me so much, if you hate Y/N being with me, then why are you helping me look for her? She’s free of me right now.” Dean sounded somewhat hurt and it broke down Sam’s defences a little. No matter how much of an asshole Dean was, he was still Sam’s big brother. 

“I don’t hate you, Dean. I hate what Negan is making you. And I don’t hate you and Y/N, you used to be a great couple. I used to really hope me and Jess would be as happy as you two. Y/N loves you too, and she doesn’t deserve to be alone. I’m here for her.” 

Dean didn’t reply for a moment and Sam sighed, letting the silence consume the truck. 

“That must’ve been hard for you to say considering how you feel about her.” Sam barely glanced across at Dean. So they were going to talk about the  _ other  _ elephant in the room too.

“I want her to be happy Dean, that’s all. If that’s with you then great. But it’s certainly not with Negan,” Sam said honestly. 

“She can’t have gotten this far, I’m gonna circle back,” Dean told him, stopping the truck and making a u-turn. The sun was starting to rise now and so the gentle morning glow was helping their search somewhat. Dean sighed as he pulled over. “We’re better on foot for now. She might be deeper inside.” The engine stopped and Dean climbed out of the truck, reaching into the backseat for the guns as Sam followed suit. 

They walked for a little, keeping their eyes peeled for walkers, but more importantly Y/N. Dean’s radio crackled to life on his hip. 

“You fuckin’ found her yet?” Negan’s incessant drawl bled through the speaker. Dean lifted the radio to his mouth as Sam readied the gun in case the noise attracted any unwanted attention. 

“Not yet,” he replied. 

“Fuckin’ find her and bring her back, I told you Dean, no more fucking drama.” The line went dead and Dean huffed, clipping the radio back to his belt before a rustling in the trees to their left stole their attention. Both brothers headed towards it, coming face to face with two walkers, neither of whom were the slightest bit interested in them, because they were heading towards something else. Sam noticed at the same time Dean did that the  _ something  _ was in fact Y/N, sitting at the foot of a tree, leaning against it. She was shaking, clutching a large rock in her hands. 

“Hey assholes!” Dean yelled to draw attention before shooting them both in the heads. The bodies slumped to the floor and Sam was quick to approach Y/N and make sure she was okay. 

“Sammy,” she gasped out, eyes wide and fearful as he pried the rock from her hands.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, we’re here,” he soothed, scooping her up into his arms as he carried her back towards the truck, feeling her body shake against him. Dean watched on but didn’t say anything, following behind quietly until Sam had got her safely into the backseat of the truck. 

“She’s okay?” Dean checked.

“She didn’t seem hurt. Must’ve been terrifying being out here all night on her own though,” Sam reasoned. Dean nodded silently before rounding the truck to get in the driver’s seat again. Sam sighed before getting in the passenger seat and glancing over his shoulder to see Y/N had curled herself up in a tight ball across the backseat. 

“Let’s get her back,” Dean whispered, starting the engine. 

The Sanctuary was buzzing with life by the time they returned and as they all got out of the truck Negan approached them. 

“Hello, sweetheart, how was your night time fuckin’ walk?” he smirked at Y/N tauntingly and Sam wanted to punch him, but he knew better than to start a fight when they were surrounded by his men. “Dean, we got a scout to be on,” Negan smirked. 

“Sir, Y/N needs-” Dean cut himself short, glancing at the two of them. Sam didn’t need Dean to say anything and he was sure if Y/N was in her sound mind she wouldn’t either because it was abundantly clear he was going to do what Negan wanted him to. 

“I’ve got her,” Sam reassured Dean quietly. Dean barely nodded, before heading back to the truck he’d just come from. Sam wrapped an arm around Y/N and started to walk them to her room, glad that he could help her at least. 

-

Sam pulled the covers further up over Y/N’s body that was still trembling and he lay behind her, smoothing her hair to comfort her. She eventually dropped off and he watched her sleeping peacefully for a moment, taking a minute to truly appreciate how beautiful she was. A small smile graced his lips as he felt his own eyelids grow heavier until they closed. When he reopened them he realised the sun was very high in the sky, meaning several hours had passed. He felt different, he’d not slept that long since before Jess. He yawned and sat up, disturbing Y/N as he did so. 

“Sorry, go back to sleep,” he hushed but she blinked her eyes open and looked up at him, smiling softly. 

“You’re still here,” she noted sleepily. 

“Of course I am,” he smiled gently, “I couldn’t leave you alone when you need me.” Her smile only grew and Sam reached forward to tuck some hair behind her ear. 

“How long did I sleep for?” she asked, sitting up slowly. 

“A few hours I think, are you okay?” he checked. She drew a deep breath and nodded.

“I couldn’t stay here, Sam,” she confessed, tears in her eyes. “Not when-” 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he reassured her. 

“Negan wants to make me his wife,” she blurted out. “I can’t do it, Sam.” Sam’s eyes widened, no wonder she tried to run. “I don’t even like him!” she told him. 

“Dean was the only man I loved for so long and…” she stopped herself and blushed. “If I was going to leave Dean for anyone it wouldn’t be Negan,” she continued. “It would be you.” Sam was totally taken aback by her bluntness. He hadn’t been expecting any kind of confession from her, not like that. “You’ve been the only person there for me since we got here, you’re the only one I can trust, Sam,” she went on. Sam suddenly realised that maybe he’d read too much into what she’d said. Maybe she didn’t like him the way he liked her. 

“Well next time you try to run away, just promise me something,” he told her, cupping the side of her face. She looked up at him with wide, wet eyes, chewing anxiously on her bottom lip for a moment. 

“Anything,” she told him softly. 

“Next time you want to run away you take me with you.” She giggled softly and blushed. 

“I’m being serious, Y/N. You could’ve died out there.” She stopped smiling and nodded. 

“Okay, I promise, Sam. You can come with me,” she told him quietly before reaching up and kissing his cheek gently. 

“Thank you,” he sighed, relieved. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, Y/N.”


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, threats, mentions of dub-con, smut, oral sex (f&m rec)
> 
> Chapter WC: 2582

**_Dean’s POV_ **

As Dean hauled himself back into the truck he watched Sam lead Y/N towards the building that housed their bedroom. That should’ve been him, he knew it should’ve been, so why wasn’t he putting his foot down and telling Negan no? Why wasn’t he sticking up for Y/N? Negan climbed into the passenger seat his younger brother was just occupying, placing Lucille down proudly next to him. The barbed wire glistened in the morning sunlight and Dean was suddenly very much reminded exactly why he’d just let Sam and Y/N walk inside without him. He had to admit that very reason had been lost to him recently. Sam was right, Negan was changing him. He’d become so focused on keeping Negan happy that he’d lost sight of the very reason he was doing that in the first place. And sure, he knew he was doing it for Y/N and Sam but he hadn’t stopped to think that they might be the very people he was hurting most. Particularly Y/N. 

Dean had put her through so much recently, when she’d been through enough already. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it. He didn’t deserve her. He was meant to be the man Sam was being for her. He wasn’t meant to be sitting here right now, driving away from her after she’d tried to leave. He was supposed to be in that over glamorous bedroom that neither of them cared for, begging her on his knees that she’d stay. He was supposed to be telling her how sorry he was and how much he loved her and how he hated that she had wanted to leave so badly she’d run away. Then why wasn’t he turning the truck around? Facing the consequences of Negan’s anger for his disobedience? Because maybe he wouldn’t be on the receiving end of Negan’s anger. That was why. 

“We’re not gonna have any fuckin’ issues with Y/N are we, Dean?” Negan spoke up, breaking Dean’s concentration of his own self loathing as he looked across at the older man and felt his jaw clench slightly in anger.

“With her running away again, you mean?” Dean pressed, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. 

“If she wants to fuckin’ leave she only has to fuckin’ ask,” Negan chuckled. “But we don’t want that, do we Deany-boy? I mean, fuck, you’re getting the fast pass ticket all the way to right hand man. You’re about to be a fuckin’ somebody. You wouldn’t want to leave now, would you?” Negan smirked. 

“No, Sir,” Dean lied, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “There was a misunderstanding, that’s all. Y/N likes to be useful and I think she thought she could do something more productive.” 

Negan laughed heartily, throwing his head back and shaking it.

“Getting me off is the most fuckin’ productive thing she can fuckin’ do for me.” Dean squeezed the steering wheel tighter. He was starting to get really tired of those little digs and comments about his own girlfriend. The guilt pressed like nausea at the base of his throat. He knew how much Y/N hated what had happened between her and Negan and he just wished he could go back in time and take it all back. He’d been acting like he didn’t care - hell, he’d even been telling himself he didn’t, but truthfully he  _ hated  _ it. “Talking of which, did she fuckin’ talk to you?” he asked. Dean drew a supposedly calming breath but felt nothing of the sort, before clearing his throat. 

“Yes.” He could feel Negan’s eyes burning into the side of his face and he could see that stupid smirk on his face without even looking. 

“She’s not fuckin’ getting pre-wedding jitters is she?” he asked. Dean drew a deep breath, and told himself to go against every instinct he had. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. She doesn’t want that. She’s a good fighter if you put her on-” 

“Dean, I’m gonna fuckin’ stop you fuckin’ there, son,” Negan interrupted. Dean swallowed hard, eyes fixed on the road now more than ever. “I’m going to fuckin’ assume that you’ve not forgotten who’s in charge here? I’m going to  _ assume  _ that you remember me telling you that I get what a fuckin’ want. And I’m going to fuckin’ assume that you’re going to be able to talk Y/N into this.” Negan’s tone was threatening, albeit quiet and Dean just wanted to take the gun attached to his hip and shoot Negan between the eyes. He could do it. He was quick and a good aim, but he knew plenty of loyal people in the surrounding trucks would have something to say about that. “I’m sure she’d much fuckin’ rather you and that fuckin’ brother of yours stick around. Or hey, maybe I could do her a favor whilst I’m at it, if she doesn’t want to be here so fuckin’ bad.” 

Dean bit his tongue, knowing this only ended one way to keep them all alive. He didn’t doubt for a second that Negan wasn’t being serious. He’d seen first hand that Negan’s tolerance was low. He’d hurt and killed people over less. He’d done Negan’s dirty work far too often and he knew there were several people who would more than happily take on the three of them at the click of Negan’s fingers. No one liked the shine Negan had taken to Dean. 

“She’ll agree,” Dean conceded, knowing now more than ever, he needed to get Y/N to do as she was told, for all their sakes. 

-

Dean knew what he had to do. He’d thought about nothing else the entire scout, despite Negan’s incessant rambling in his ear. He didn’t want to do it, but it was the only way. He trudged up the path to the building, feeling the weight on his shoulders grow heavier and heavier, like he had to walk twice as far to get to where he needed to be. But he was grateful for the delay in reaching his bedroom. Until it was inevitable. He’d arrived. Black paint chipping on the wooden door, the soft glow of sunlight from the windows inside was illuminating through the crack at the bottom and Dean could hear soft voices inside. He smiled ever so slightly to himself knowing that Sam was still inside. He knew Sam wouldn’t have left her alone for a moment all day. Sam loved her, in ways that maybe Dean would never understand and he was starting to realise that now. Sam was right, all that mattered was Y/N’s happiness and Dean hated that he’d compromised that putting them in this position. And now Negan had their backs against the wall and there was only one way out alive. 

He reached forward for the handle, gripping it tightly, but he couldn’t bring himself to twist the knob. Not yet. Tears came to his eyes and he held them in as much as possible, taking several deep breaths as he tried to prepare himself for what was going to come next. He closed his eyes, reminded himself it was the only way and he couldn’t fuck this up. He quickly dried his cheeks and drew another breath, clearing his throat and forcing himself to open the door before he could change his mind. Sam was quick to scramble to the end of the bed as if to pretend he hadn’t been lying with Y/N and Dean saw it as the perfect excuse.

“Get outta here, Sammy,” he grunted. Sam squeezed Y/N’s leg reassuringly before he got up. As he approached Dean he stopped, leaning his mouth closer to Dean’s ear.

“She’s going through a lot, Dean, please just cut her some slack.” Dean glared at Sam but didn’t reply and Sam got the hint and left. As the door closed behind Sam, Dean looked over at Y/N. 

“Hey, how was the scout?” she asked cautiously as she approached him, wide eyed. Dean simply nodded, not replying vocally. “Dean,” she sighed, looking down at her feet once she was standing in front of him, “I’m sorry for last night.” Dean gripped her chin and tilted her head back slightly, looking into her Y/E/C eyes. Sam was wrong, Dean did care that she’d tried to run away, very much so. It had been the wake up call he needed. 

“Where the fuck did you think you were going, sweetheart?” he huffed. She opened her mouth to reply but Dean didn’t let her, swallowing down any noise she almost made with a passionate kiss. She responded, her hands smoothing up his chest as he curled his fingers around the back of her neck and pulled her in tight to his body. She whimpered softly into his mouth as his fingers twisted through her hair and he slowly walked them both over to the bed without breaking the kiss. 

He was lost in her, lost in the way she tasted, lost in the feel of her soft lips pressed to his like they’d done a thousand times before. He could feel every emotion he’d ever felt for her pouring out into the kiss. He felt her claw desperately at his t-shirt, their kiss only growing needier as tiny gasps of air were gulped down every time they broke apart for a second. He sat himself down on the bed and Y/N followed his cue, kneeling on the floor between his legs and breaking their kiss so she could work on opening his pants. Dean looked down into his lap, watching the way her small hands expertly worked the buttons and zipper and reached inside to pull his throbbing length free. Dean moaned at the sight of her fingers wrapped around him and she looked up at him through her lashes as she slowly lowered her mouth onto him, sucking gently on the tip before taking him a little deeper. Dean’s fingers combed into the back of her hair as he moaned, his eyes fluttering shut when she took him deeper still and he could feel his tip press against the tight warmth of the back of her throat. 

“Fuck baby, just like that, you know how I like it,” Dean hummed. He could just make out a smile on her lips as they wrapped around his girth before she pulled back to the tip and sucked him down once more. Dean moaned, basking in the way she looked, her eyes starting to water as she looked straight up at him. Fuck, she was perfect. She was everything he’d ever wanted. 

“I’m gonna fuckin’ miss that mouth baby girl,” he panted. “Get up I need to taste you,” he urged her quickly. She frowned a little but took his hand as he helped her to her feet and encouraged her to lay on the bed beside him. He rubbed the stray saliva from her chin with his thumb and kissed her deeply as he unbuttoned her shorts and tugged them down her legs. She kicked them off the rest of the way and Dean climbed over her, kissing down her body, over her vest and towards her naked lower half. He slid off of the bed onto his knees, right where she’d just been kneeling, and tugged her ass closer to the edge, spreading her thighs apart. 

He marveled at the sight of her before him, so wet and perfect and as he glanced up her body he could see her leaning back on her elbows as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and looked down at him with wide, bambi like eyes. Her chest was heaving as she waited and Dean finally lowered his mouth to her centre, swirling his tongue around her clit and lapping at the arousal pouring out of her. She whimpered, her hand flying to the back of his head, her fingernails scraping over his scalp as he set to work on tasting every drop she had to offer him. Her hips started to buck against his face as she gasped and groaned louder and louder. He’d not heard her sound that pleasured in a long time and it only spurred him on more. 

“Oh shit, De,” she whined, trying to clamp her legs shut around his head. 

“That’s it baby, fuck you taste so good, I’m gonna miss this,” he growled. 

She frowned again, pushing on his head to get him to back off as she clamped her thighs shut. 

“What?” Dean pressed, confused. 

“Dean I thought…” She trailed off as she sat up completely and Dean sat back on his heels. 

“Thought what?” he prompted. She crossed her arms over her chest as she hugged herself and looked down, avoiding his gaze. 

“I didn’t think I had to be Negan’s wife anymore,” she confessed, painfully quiet. Dean swallowed hard, realising that he’d led her on, led her to believe that when the reality was far from it. He had given her the wrong impression. He reached up and wiped his mouth clean. 

“No, you do,” he told her sternly. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes as she shook her head softly. 

“I don’t want to, Dean please,” she begged. Dean drew a deep breath, reminding himself he needed to do this. 

He climbed back to his feet and put himself away, not looking at her as he spoke up. 

“You’re a really fucking dumb bitch sometimes, you know that?” he shot out. Her eyes widened immediately as she stood up, grabbing her shorts and pulling them back on. 

“Dean I’m sorry-”

“Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused us with your little stunt last night?! And now you’re sitting there telling me you don’t want it? Well boo hoo, sweetheart, I don’t wanna kill people but I do it for us!” Tears instantly started to roll down her cheeks as she finished redressing and approached him again.

“De, please-” she sobbed. 

“Negan gets what he wants, Y/N,” Dean interrupted her, “do as you’re fucking told, why you gotta be a brat?” She looked heartbroken as more tears streamed down her face.

“What about what I want, Dean? What about what you want? Surely you don’t want me to leave you for Negan?” she choked. Dean grit his teeth. 

“I want all three of us to stay alive, so don’t try to be fucking clever,” he snarled. She shook her head.    
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered. It wasn’t what Dean wanted to hear. She reached for him for comfort but he shrugged her off. 

“Maybe you should’ve done a better job at running away if you don’t want this that much.” 

She looked up at him absolutely broken, her eyes never dry for a second as her bottom lip quivered and Dean wanted nothing more than to comfort her and tell her how much he loved her but he couldn’t do that, or all of this would’ve been for nothing. He turned his back on her, afraid he was going to break.

“I’m going to clear my head,” he snapped before marching out of the room. His whole body shook once he knew he was alone and he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. But this was for her, this was for Y/N. Everything was for Y/N and he should’ve never lost sight of that.


	21. Chapter Twenty (FIN)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Tags: major angst, mentions of drug use, tones of suicide, TW: suicide mentioned, heartbreak, fluff, smut, p in v, orgasms, even more angst 
> 
> Chapter WC: 3552
> 
> A/Ns: I’ve never made myself cry when writing before but this chapter did it for me. I was just so so happy with this ending as this was not the original plan, but it just felt right to do it this way. I have adored writing this series and hope you’ve loved it too <3

**_Your POV_ **

  
  


The arousal was draining from you as quickly as it had entered as Dean’s words sank in. Why wasn’t he listening to you? Why was he ignoring you when you were telling him as clear as day this wasn’t what you wanted? 

“You’re a really fucking dumb bitch sometimes, you know that?” he shot out. You were shocked to hear the harsh words he’d just spat from the very same mouth that was just between your legs, whispering praises and making you feel on top of the world. You were mortified as you rushed to get redressed again.

“Dean I’m sorry-”

“Do you know how much trouble you’ve caused us with your little stunt last night?! And now you’re sitting there telling me you don’t want it? Well boo hoo, sweetheart, I don’t wanna kill people but I do it for us!” 

Tears instantly started to roll down your cheeks, unable to contain the hurt and disappointment you felt as you finished redressing and approached him again.

“De, please-”

“Negan gets what he wants, Y/N,” Dean interrupted you, “do as you’re fucking told, why you gotta be a brat?” You didn’t think you were being a brat, you had every right to want a say in who got to be married to and who you had sex with.

“What about what I want, Dean? What about what you want? Surely you don’t want me to leave you for Negan?” This only seemed to anger Dean more.

“I want all three of us to stay alive, so don’t try to be fucking clever,” he snarled. You realised Dean was right, this was about more than just you, it was about him and Sam too.    
“I’m sorry,” you whimpered, defeated. You didn’t want to fight anymore, you wanted to appreciate whatever time you had left with Dean. Reaching for him for comfort, you felt your heart break when he shrugged you off. 

“Maybe you should’ve done a better job at running away if you don’t want this that much.” 

Dean looked at you like he hated you. Did he really mean that? It was like he didn’t even want you anymore.

“I’m going to clear my head,” he snapped before marching out of the room. You watched him go as tears streamed down your cheeks. The only way out of this was to run, like you’d already tried to do. But the idea of going back out there alone was too daunting. Last time you were only just saved by the brothers and something told you Dean wouldn’t be coming after you a second time. You turned around and looked at your rucksack that was leaning in the corner of the room. There was one other way out of this. You headed over to it and rummaged to the bottom, your fingers meeting with smooth plastic as you pulled the bottle out from its hiding place and came face to face with the only thing that had kept you sane the last couple of months. 

When Sam started rationing your dosage you’d gotten better at controlling it, needing them less until Sam stopped giving you them altogether. But the idea of not having any to fall back on had been too daunting, so you’d convinced Dr Michaels to prescribe you one more bottle for emergencies. You’d not told anyone, especially not Sam, about the bottle. There was a sense of power there, knowing you had a bottle of what you craved the most, but being able to resist them for all this time. Until now. You didn’t take your eyes off of the bottle as you walked over to the bed and slowly sat down. You wondered how many pills it would take to stop you waking up altogether. Negan couldn’t marry a dead person and you’d no longer be a burden to Sam or Dean either. You pressed down on the lid and opened it, pouring several out into your palm as you stared down at them. Maybe you could just take as many as possible, just to be sure. 

Tears streamed down your cheeks and you sniffed hard, wondering if you could really do this. Although it felt like Dean wouldn’t even care anymore, you knew Sam would. He’d be heartbroken. Could you really leave him behind in this hell hole? Left with only a broken version of his brother? You thought back to only a few hours ago, when he was lying with you and you were talking about everything and anything. Sam was a good guy, better than anyone ever deserved. It was wrong of you to love him the way you did, but you’d have to be crazy not to fall for him. He was willing to do anything for you. He was the only one that had your back this entire time. 

Finally peeling your eyes off of the pills, you remembered Sam’s words from earlier on that day. He made you promise that you’d take him with you next time you wanted to run away. But would he really do that? Was he being serious? Would he really leave Dean behind for you? Dean liked to say that Sam had feelings for you but you wondered how much of that was true and how much of that was his paranoia. Although when you thought about the way Sam was with you, it would make sense that he had feelings for you. Or was that wishful thinking? If Sam came with you, then running away seemed like the perfect option. You wouldn’t be alone, you wouldn’t be leaving him behind, and you’d be free of Negan. 

You quickly poured the pills back into the bottle, letting some of them spill onto the wooden floor, but you didn’t care. You got up, wiping your face quickly before leaving the room in pursuit of Sam. The compound was quiet and dark, like it had been the night before when you’d tried to leave, but your only focus was on getting to Sam’s room. You were on edge, feeling sick and nervous as you approached Sam’s door. But you couldn’t let the nerves get the better of you, desperate for your escape. You knocked loudly, drawing deep breaths as you waited for him to respond. It only took seconds for the large metal door to squeal as it opened and Sam frowned slightly upon seeing you. 

“Y/N, is everything okay?” he checked immediately. 

“Did you mean it, Sam?” you blurted out before you could change your mind. “When you said you’d run away with me, did you mean it?” you pressed urgently. The tiniest of smiles graced Sam’s lips and somehow you knew he was about to be honest with you. 

“Yes.” 

“Then take me away, Sam please.”

-

_ “Are you sure they’re gonna like me, De?” you worried as the Impala pulled up outside some fancy house.  _

_ “I’m positive, baby,” Dean laughed, reaching over to squeeze your thigh. “Look, Mom bakes the best pie, so we’ve at least gotta stick around for that. But if you feel uncomfortable or whatever just tell me that your friend Lara has text and we can leave.”  _

_ “Who’s Lara?” you giggled.  _

_ “It’s code,” he shrugged. “But everyone is going to absolutely love you, just like I do.” He leaned over and kissed you gently.  _

_ “Okay,” you agreed, taking a deep breath. Climbing out of the car, you smoothed down your dress and walked over to Dean’s side, taking his hand as he led you up the path towards the front door.  _

_ “What does your brother do again? Lawyer, right?” you checked, anxiously.  _

_ “That’s right,” Dean nodded. “Relax, baby, it’ll be fine.”  _

_ Before Dean could open the door himself, it was swinging open to reveal a man a little taller than Dean, with longer brunette hair and twinkling hazel eyes. You knew it to be Sam, as you’d seen photos of Dean’s family before, but he looked far more handsome in person. Your breath caught in your throat for a second before you reminded yourself how inappropriate it was to think your new boyfriend’s brother was attractive. You cleared your throat and smiled at him.  _

_ “Dean’s here!” He called over his shoulder. His eyes landed back on you and he smiled warmly. “Hey, you must be Y/N, I’m Sam.” _

-

Sam stared at you for a long moment and you grew nervous about his reply but soon a smile spread over his face and he stepped back. 

“I’ll take you anywhere, Y/N. Just give me a moment to pack my things,” he told you. You let out a huge sigh of relief, feeling weeks of tension lift off of your shoulders at the thought of finally escaping this prison. Sam shut the door behind you and wasted no time grabbing his backpack and filling it with things from around his room. You felt nervous and excited all at once as Sam’s room got emptier and his bag got fuller. 

“Okay, I think that’s everything. We should try and steal some food from supplies before we leave, to give us a head start,” he organised. You nodded in agreement, not even thinking about that the first time and grateful to have Sam now. He was logical and sensible. It worked - you and Sam had always worked. 

“Sam, wait,” you sighed, reaching out and grabbing his arm. He turned around and faced you completely, frowning slightly. 

“What’s up?” he asked gently. You couldn’t believe you were about to say this.    
“Are you sure? Are you sure you want to leave Dean and this place… for me?” Sam sighed, reaching up and cupping either side of your face as he looked you straight in the eyes.

“This place is toxic and it’s already poisoned Dean, I won’t let it poison you too. I’ve told you before, Y/N, I’ll do anything for you.”

“Why?” you whispered, tears in your eyes. You felt so unworthy of that kind of love, it didn’t make sense how much Sam was willing to sacrifice just for you. Sam bit his bottom lip for a moment and drew a breath. 

“Because I love you, Y/N,” he confessed. It was the way he said it, you knew it wasn’t just a fond type of love, just the type of love you develop for someone close to you, that you learn to treat like family. This was different. He  _ loved  _ you. “I shouldn’t, but I do.” 

You reached up, gripping his wrist as he continued to hold your face and Sam took his cue to lean down. His lips pressed to yours, softly at first but as soon as you responded to the kiss he deepened it. Suddenly it was messy, all teeth and tongues as he kissed the air out of your lungs and you clawed at his shirt and tried to get impossibly closer to him. You’d always wanted this. You hated to admit it, but you had. You’d always wanted to know what it was like to kiss Sam, what he’d taste like, if it would feel different to all the other kisses in your lifetime, and it did. Sam let go of your face to grip the backs of your legs, lifting you into his arms as he walked you backwards towards the cold brick wall and pinned you there with his body. You reached between you, scrambling for his belt to undo it and Sam’s kisses left your mouth to trail along your jaw and down your neck. 

He quickly set you down, your back scraping down the abrasive wall, but it was the hint of pain you needed to remind you this was real. Leaning against the wall you panted hard, looking up at him as you worked your shorts open and pushed them down your legs, stepping out of them as you watched him unbuckle his belt and start to pop the buttons open on his jeans. You reached forward, eager to help him out as you pushed them down to mid thigh and his erection sprung free. He was long and hard already.

“Fuck,” you whispered out, eyes wide. Sam stole your attention back to his face as he picked you back up into his arms and swallowed down the whimper you had released with a bruising kiss. You could feel his erection sitting just between your legs, under your ass as he kissed you and you reached down, wrapping your hand around it and guiding it towards your entrance. 

Sam pulled back, pressing his forehead to yours as he looked you in the eyes and panted hard. He didn’t break eye contact the entire time that he took to sink every inch inside you, until he was fully seated. You moaned, biting on your bottom lip at just how deep he was able to reach. He slowly pulled back, slamming forward again as your head tipped back and you screamed out in pleasure. Sam buried his face into the space of your neck you’d just exposed, nipping on the skin gently as he started to fuck you hard and fast. You gripped at his impressive biceps, nails leaving behind half crescent marks in his tanned skin and your eyes rolled in ecstasy at the way he was already making you feel. 

He kissed your mouth roughly again, biting down on your bottom lip as he growled. 

“Fuck, baby you feel so good,” he gasped out, his fingers leaving behind tiny bruises on the backs of your thighs. You gripped at the back of his neck for support, combing your fingers through unfamiliar long hair at the nape of his neck and moaned once more, feeling yourself getting closer and closer to that sweet edge. 

“Oh god, Sam, don’t stop,” you pleaded, out of breath. Sam kissed down your neck, over your collarbone as he pressed his face into the centre of your chest, the sounds of his moans and groans now muffled. You could tell he was holding back. You came hard around him, feeling how you clenched rhythmically around his length over and over. Sam slowed down, nipping at the skin around your collarbone once more. 

“Fuck, sweetheart,” he whispered against your skin. He kissed back up to your mouth. “Gonna cum,” he warned you against your lips. You nodded, encouraging him to pull out. 

As soon as he had slipped out, you reached between your legs and wrapped your hand around his length again, feeling the cream coating it as another spark of arousal coursed through you. Sam’s sweaty forehead pressed against your own as you worked him closer to his release with your hand and he groaned, bucking his hips to help you out until you felt splatters of warmth land on the lower part of your stomach, some dripping down your hand and onto the floor. Sam’s whole body shook as he panted into your mouth before kissing you passionately again. 

“Wow… that was…” He gulped for air and shook his head. “Wow.” You giggled and bit your bottom lip, nodding in agreement. 

“We’ve made a mess,” you commented, looking between you. Some had landed on your hand and there was a puddle beneath you both. 

Sam laughed softly as he carefully set you back down on your feet. 

“Here,” he offered, reaching for his bed sheet to help you clean up. “Won’t be using these anymore, will I?” he smirked, wiping over your hand and stomach. He reached down and retrieved your shorts, helping you back into them and then doing his jeans up once more. 

“That’s kinda gross,” you giggled, wrinkling your nose as he placed the sheet down over the puddle. 

“Well it’s not my room anymore,” he shrugged. “Shall we get your stuff ready? The sun will be rising in a couple of hours, it’ll be the perfect time to leave.” You smiled warmly. Something about this just felt right. Everything with Sam just felt right. You nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, as long as you’re still sure,” you checked. 

“I think I just proved how sure I am,” he smirked, kissing you again, making you giggle. 

-

Your backpack was heavier than you remembered it being, probably thanks to the few supplies you decided to steal from your bedroom, but you knew you’d get used to it again soon. You waited anxiously, shuffling back and forth on your feet, until Sam came out of the food hall with a bag full of tins and a few pieces of fruit and somewhat fresh bread. You smiled warmly at him. 

“So we’re really doing this?” you asked quietly, not wanting anyone to hear you, not that anyone was around apart from the night guard at the gate. 

“Yes, baby,” Sam nodded, kissing your forehead. You smiled wide at him. “What?” he asked.

“I like it when you call me baby,” you felt your cheeks heat up. Sam smirked, blushing himself as his hazel eyes cast over the compound. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” he admitted. 

You both walked closer to the gate, hiding behind a truck and trying to discuss a game plan for getting out without the guard noticing. The sun was rising now, the gentle glow setting over the whole place and there was a sense of a new beginning washing over you. But you needed to be quick before people started waking up. Gravel crunched beneath boots behind you and your heart sank as you turned around and saw the last person you wanted to see. 

“Dean,” Sam choked out. He looked between the two of you, noticing your backpacks. 

“Where are you going?” he asked, coldly. You opened your mouth to speak but words failed you. 

“Dean, look…” Sam started, clearly struggling with an explanation. 

“You can’t leave without knowing where to go,” Dean told you both. You frowned, looking at Sam for a moment. “The Kingdom, that seems like a good place, it’s about fifteen miles north of here,” Dean went on. Was he helping you? Why? Did he want you gone that badly? “I think they’d treat you well there. Just don’t tell them you came from here.” 

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Sam sighed. 

“You’ll look after her, I know you will.” Dean looked from Sam to you. “But look after him too, yeah?” You nodded, unable to actually reply with words. You were so confused about what was happening. Why was Dean helping you like this? 

“Come with us, Dean, it doesn’t have to be like this,” Sam told him desperately. Dean sighed and shook his head.

“I made my bed, Sammy. You two deserve this and each other.” You blushed, ashamed that it was so glaringly obvious how you felt towards his brother, even to Dean. “Besides, someone’s gotta distract the guard so you can slip out and throw Negan off your trail.” You noticed tears in Dean’s eyes but he dared not let them out. He rarely ever cried around you. Your heart broke once more for an entirely new reason. Dean was sacrificing himself and his happiness for you. 

“I might not be able to change Negan’s mind, but I can make sure he doesn’t get you,” Dean told you. “This is the only way, and it’s the right way. I know you two are safe this way. So go, please,” he pleaded. 

“De-” you sobbed out. 

“Go, Y/N,” he urged. Sam gripped your shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. You looked back at your boyfriend with tears rolling down your cheeks. Only hours ago you hated him, wanted to die because of him but now you realised this is what he’d wanted the whole time. He was driving you towards this. He knew you wouldn’t willingly leave with Sam if he didn’t give you enough reason to, if you didn’t let him go first. Dean stepped forward and hugged Sam, slapping his back and turning his face away when they broke apart. 

Dean stepped in front of you next and Sam stepped back, giving you space. 

“I’ll always love you, Y/N, and I’m sorry. But Sam’s gonna treat you right and he’s gonna love you more than I ever could. And maybe one day, if I don’t get killed taking Negan down, I’ll arrive at The Kingdom and I’ll see little mini Sams and Y/Ns running around and they’ll all be as stubborn and headstrong as you are.” You shook your head at him, barely believing he could ever want that for you. He nodded, “yes, Y/N. Because you’re gonna be so happy with Sam. And you’re gonna have a wonderful life together. I know it.” You choked on a sob as Dean leaned forward and pressed his plump lips to yours. And somehow you just knew it was the last time you’d ever feel that. He stepped back, wiped his cheeks and cleared his throat. “You guys ready?” he checked. 

“Yeah,” Sam whispered. 

You watched Dean walk towards the guard, striking up a very animated conversation. You drew a deep breath and took Sam’s hand. You knew this was what you needed to do. Walking through that gate was the hardest yet most liberating thing you’d ever done and as you looked up at Sam, safely on the other side of the wall, you knew Dean was right. There was no one else you could do this with. 

  
  


**THE END**


End file.
